Keep it safe from him.
πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tway_UX
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2021
🚨︎ report
Gotta be safe!
πŸ‘︎ 162
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Aimaan-Zakaria
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2021
🚨︎ report
Safe sex is fine
πŸ‘︎ 113
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kitarp_kp_1405
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2021
🚨︎ report
My roof caved in on me... and I no longer feel safe.

I think I have truss issues

πŸ‘︎ 97
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2021
🚨︎ report
Which dinosaur is safe to sit on?

A chairodactyl

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/incredibleinkpen
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2021
🚨︎ report
Practice safe eating...

... always use a condiment

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SubstantialBelly6
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2021
🚨︎ report
Drive safe
πŸ‘︎ 254
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/beardieface
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Auntie went up ladder into high part of house. High part of house not so strong. High part of house have dangerous things. I worry about Auntie. She up there long time. Later Auntie come down ladder, safe. Whole event was..

Auntie climb attic.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/astrosmash77
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2021
🚨︎ report
You’re safe here
πŸ‘︎ 50
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AanOSRS
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
🚨︎ report
The best safe word to use during sex is β€œmeatloaf”

Because it means, β€œI would do anything for love, but I won’t do that”

πŸ‘︎ 683
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LordCinko
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Me, to my wife: They said that the Covid vaccines are safe and has no side effects.

My wife: Who did?

Me: Yep.

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Please practise safe aural sex.

You don't want hearing aids.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kimenon001
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2021
🚨︎ report
Is it safe?
πŸ‘︎ 172
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/raghav50w
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Is it safe to assume this subreddits fav marvel character is The PUNisher
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AussieWizard
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Is it safe to say the people employed near Big Ben in London are....

....working around the clock?

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Upon seeing a gorgeous girl at the party, I knew I had to meet her. So I approached and told her about a special-purpose ship designed to move and navigate through frozen waters, and provide safe waterways for other boats and ships.

I've used it before and it works. It's the perfect icebreaker.

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend knows just who he can trust in the seedy part of town to get him safe candy and sweets...

He has treat smarts.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Fly straight and stay safe, boys
πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AsAP0Verlord
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I just sold a house with ferns throughout and a safe in the attic

The buyers loved that it was fully fernished with a vaulted ceiling

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MLaBolle
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Thermite be another way to crack this safe.
πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/supguyyo
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you open the safe at the deli?

You use the Italian combo.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptainAmerilard
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
🚨︎ report
It’s probably not safe for me to be driving this car right now.

But hey, bad brakes have never stopped me before.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2019
🚨︎ report
How is everyone staying safe during the pandemic at the north pole?

They use a lot of hand santatizer.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/slaydawgjim
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Stay safe
πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Broccobama_
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Is this safe to eat?

No, the safe stores valuable objects.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Parkwad
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Mama, is this safe to eat?

No honey, it's for holding valuables.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Vexidemalprince
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Stay safe
πŸ‘︎ 88
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/iniesta103
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you keep people safe during the pandemic?

Masking for a friend...

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lameraffleprizes
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2020
🚨︎ report
With a pandemic happening, I said to my nurse friend: "Stay safe!"

Their response: β€œYou, too; stay negative!"

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sarisaberry
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Safe Sex
πŸ‘︎ 87
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CocoBandicoot99
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Wife: Remember to practice safe snacks and to use condiments

Me: Baby stop, you’re making me hungry

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Serm22
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Keep safe during this pandemic and use an old padded bra to make yourself a comfortable mask. Just make sure you use the left cup...

Because if you use the right one you will look like a right tit.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Astoran15
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Grocery store lettuce know we can leaf with safe food
πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ucchan801
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Birdie Sanders is safe
πŸ‘︎ 114
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Billyb0bj03
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you tell a priest to stay safe?

Tell him to exorcise caution

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Watermelencholy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2020
🚨︎ report
It was a it concerning that the zoo had such a low fence for the Bobcat exhibit. We knew we were safe when we realized it was distracted by the Deere next door.
πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bettaa
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Safe!
πŸ‘︎ 53
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/amazingman_
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2019
🚨︎ report
In college my nickname was safe cracker.

Not because I was good at cracking safes but because I was a non-threatening white guy.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2020
🚨︎ report
My safe word is β€œbanana”.

Afterward, I say, β€œOrange you glad I didn’t say banana?”.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nonficshawn
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Our cat came home from the vet allergy safe.

Yep, he’s nut free.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/splinter1983
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2020
🚨︎ report
It’s safe to say Pancake Tuesday has really...

CrΓͺpe’d up on me this year

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DalyDrop
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Chick-fil-A is the only safe restaurant right now

They wash their hands religiously

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Simulated_Person
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I have long shelf in my kitchen where i put the meat at the top. It’s safe to say...

The steaks are high.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/The_improviser
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Everybody's safe word should be Meatloaf

Because I'll do anything for love, but I won't do that.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tinfoilknight
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
🚨︎ report
The best safe word a person can use is 'Meatloaf'….

Cos I would do anything for love, but I won't do that.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Butt-270_Ham_227
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2019
🚨︎ report

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