I once dreamt of crossing a wide river…

But it ended up being just a ferry tale.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2021
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What did Bones say to Captain Kirk at the river crossing?

Dam it, Jim (Be gentle it’s my cake day)

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Guru_in_flannel
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
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Why did the chicken cross the river

to get to the otter side

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Goldygold2
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
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I’m debating whether I should cross the river on foot or use my rowboat...

It’s row v. wade.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LavenderBlue_
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2020
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What do you get when you cross a river and a stream?

Wet

Thanks to my 9 year old daughter!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/grizzlychin
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2020
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How did the religious man cross the raging river?

He took a leap of faith!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Amphaboss
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2020
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How do you ask the bridge that crosses New York's Hudson River between Tarrytown and Nyack if it speaks German?

Tappan Zee Deutsche?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mftheoryArts
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2019
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How did the guru cross the river?

He swami across it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2017
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A French Cat and an English Cat cross a river.

Do you remember how to count to 10 in french?

Ok Good.

So there are two cats, an English cat and a French cat and they are trying to make it across a river.

The english cat is named "one,two,three" and the french cat is named "Un, duex, trois". Which cat makes it across the river?

... The English cat because the un duex trois quatre cinq

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πŸ‘€︎ u/evan3138
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2015
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Getting ready to cross a river...

Me: "Hurry, honey, get a pencil and some paper!"

Her: scrambles around What? Why?

Me: "I saw a sign that said 'Draw Bridge'."

Her: ...

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/omega697
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2015
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My dad didn't like the decision in Roe vs Wade

He said you had to see what type of river it was before you decide how to cross it.

πŸ‘︎ 150
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
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My Vietnamese driver told me several riddles yesterday, do you know what they were?

First off a six-parter

  1. If there are 500 rocks on a plane and you throw one out, how many are left? A: 499
  2. How do you get an elephant into a fridge? This is a three part process A: open the door, put in the elephant, close the door.
  3. How do you get a giraffe into a fridge? This is a four part process A: open the door, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe, close the door.
  4. All the animals go to heaven for a meeting, but one can't come, why not? A: the giraffe, it's in the fridge.
  5. A weak old lady has to cross a river full of alligators, how does she get across? A: the alligators are at the meeting in heaven.
  6. As soon as the old lady gets across the river she dies, how? A: the rock fell on her head.

No 2 A real cool guy walks into a cafe. He wearing sunglasses, tidy haircut, but just a super cool guy all round. He orders a glass of condensed milk and puts it on his table. Next time the waitress walks past he asks for a glass of black coffee. Now he has a glass of milk and a glass of coffee next to each other, this guy is real cool. Next time the waitress walks past he orders a glass of ice. She's happy to do that for this dude because he is so cool. He mixes the milk and coffee with the ice and stirs with his little spoon. Looks good. The old man that owns the cafe walks up to him and says, 'I see your in the Navy". How did he know?

A: he was wearing a naval uniform.

Anyone know similar nonsense?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Patyboomba
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
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A brick fell out from an areoplane carrying 100 bricks. How many are left?
  1. A brick fell out from an areoplane carrying 100 bricks. How many are left?
  2. How do you put an elephant into a fridge?
  3. How do you put a giraffe into the fridge?
  4. The Lion King had a bid ceremony but only one animal that did not attend. What was the animal?
  5. An adventurer wanted to cross a river fulled with crocodiles. But he is not hurt after crossing the river. Why?
  6. The adventurer dies after he walked away from the river. Why?

Answers

  1. 99 left
  2. Open the fridge, put it in, close the fridge.
  3. Open the fridge, take the elephant out, put it in, close the fridge.
  4. The giraffe.
  5. Because all the crocodile went to the ceremony.
  6. The brick fell on him and killed him.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SiowYY
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2018
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My stepdad and stepmom were hiking.

They had to walk on a loose wooden bridge to cross the river. My stepdad started walking on it but my stepmom refused to walk on it until my stepdad reached the other side.

When I asked her the reason , she pointed to a sign which read "One step at a time"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PanPitza
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
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Collection of dadness

I am not a dad at the moment, but I've learned the art of pretty clever puns in college. Some are mine, some are spins on inspirations, others are more on the joke side of dad.

What does a radioactive cat have?
18 half-lives

Ventriloquists are like psychiatrists, they both talk through things.

What is my vision?
To make the world 10% better?
No, it's about 20/20...

The invention of the shovel was truly a groundbreaking discovery.

Dad: I invested in some uranium, but I lost money.
Friend: What happened?
Dad: The Profit decayed.

We have received a report of a hole being discovered in the ground, our investigative team is looking into it.

There was an explosion at a local film manufacturing company, the story is still developing as we speak.

A local theater put together an act about jokes.
It was a play on words

SΓΈ, I hΓͺΓ‘rd yΓΆΕ« lΓ¬kΓ« fΓΆrΓ©igΓ± aΓ§Δ‡Δ“Ε„tΕ‘

As an airline mechanic would say, the job has lots of ups and downs.

My New Years resolution will probably be 25 megapixels, or 4K, not sure yet...

There was a river in Egypt no one believed existed, it was known locally as De-Nile.

Dad-Epitaph:
I thought I'd never live to see this day come.

There are two things that are guaranteed to open doors in life.
Push and Pull!

(How to keep an idiot in suspense)
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

A man builds robotic snakes for a living, I guess you could say he was a... python programmer!

A researcher's obsession with mixing stone, sand, lime, and water has yielded concrete results.

A madman once attacked a rider on his horse.
The rider had to goto hospital, the horse remains in stable condition.

A man bought a paper shop, it blew away in the wind last night.

Science is all about learning the rules, setting off an absurd amount of explosives, and then writing down what happened.

It has recently been discovered that scientific research causes cancer in rats.

Dad: Did you pick up your room?
Kid: No, I tried but it's too heavy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/techtornado
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2018
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My dad said this after I've been driving for 2.5 hours

We we're crossing a bridge where, if you look to the left, you see a cliff over a river with an old US Fort. I said "hey, look at the fort, that looks really cool." My dad: "You ain't bluffing."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ojbway
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2013
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Power line dadjoked my family

While driving with my Mom and brother we passed several sets of power lines crossing over a river, many of which had marker balls on them. My mom asked why some of the lines didn't have balls, I told her it was because those were girl power lines.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nightfoam
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2014
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Why did the river dog cross the road?

To get to the otter side.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/5zgood
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2018
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