Ribbon Puns

The cow was out standing in his field.

I asked the young girl at the register "If I buy this and don't have a better tomorrow can I return it for a refund?"

Dad: "That isn't very nice but it's a reasonable fat simile."

Flatman and Ribbon.

The bandit hit the penguin over the head with a club, tied him to a wagon wheel with a blue ribbon, and made his breakaway in a taxi, escaping along the rocky road to mars, the milky way, and the Galaxy.

A police officer walks into a tattoo parlor, hoping to get something cool drawn onto his shoulder. He walks up to the artist and shows him a picture of what he wants. In large text on a ribbon it says, "Protect and Serve." Below it, is a picture of a a badge, a pair of handcuffs, and a pistol. The tattoo artist is very good at his job, and says he can get this done in one session, so the officer sits down and the artist gets started. A few hours later, the artist is just finishing up, inking the last details of his service weapon. Once the last line is inked on the trigger, the cop gets up from his chair and looks in the mirror to see his new tattoo. His face twists into a look of shock and terror, pulls out his gun and opens fire onto the tattoo artist, killing him in the process. He gets on his radio, calling for backup, and took a defensive position until a few more cops and the police chief showed to the parlor minutes later. The chief, while examining the scene asks the officer, "What the hell? Why did you shoot this guy?" The cop says, "What did you expect me to do? The guy drew a gun on me!"

Flatman and Ribbon.

My 2 year old daughter was playing with a toy horse and wrapping a pink ribbon around it. It was starting to look like a bondage scene so I turned to my wife and said: "Look honey, 50 shades of neigh". She shook her head harder than Michael J. Fox.

My dad: "Did you hear what happened to Batman and Robin?!"

Me: "...no, what?"

Dad: "They got run over by a steamroller!"

Me: "oh God... -_-"

Dad: "Yeah! Now they're Flatman and Ribbon!"

Haha... Ha...ha

Flatman and Ribbon

Flatman and Ribbon.