I bought a shop vac, but had to return it.

It kept buying things off the internet.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did the Cows return to the marijuana field?

It was the pot calling the cattle back.

Edit: Thank you for the awards.

I was expecting this to go noticed like most of my other posts. You peeps rock!

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TrikkWikkid5150
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did the priest return his ps5?

It didn’t support cross play

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Seb_Swag
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife was not happy with the new mattress I bought for us and wanted to return it asap

I asked her to sleep on it and decide tomorrow.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/avinash333bhat
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when an old Australian person tries to contact you but you have to return the call?

Boomer rang

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mournclaww
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2021
🚨︎ report
I'm tired of waiting for my PA to finish my return

It's really taxing my nerves.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/javerthugo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2021
🚨︎ report
I bought this book but had to return it for all the fowl language
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheSonsofAtreus
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't return, no matter how you throw it?

I don't know, but I'm tired of getting hit with these bananas!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jollyflyingcactus
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
🚨︎ report
I confronted my friend Mark because he refuses to return my dictionary.

I said, β€œMark, my words!”

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
🚨︎ report
My 9 year old returns with another joke for you all!

What is the stupidest thing in the universe?

A black hole, because it's so dense!

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Valenshyne
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2020
🚨︎ report
The darkpun returns
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Upandeggum
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Evolution is so strange. Dolphins started off as sea creatures, then evolved to have legs, only to eventually return to the sea and lose them.

Kinda defeets the porpoise, don't you think?

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jeremywarne
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Customer: I want to return this vaccum cleaner.

Salesperson: Why? Customer: It sucks.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Harrytheharami
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
🚨︎ report
A sweater I bought was picking up so much static electricity that I had to return it to the store.

They have me another one, free of charge.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
🚨︎ report
But will I get a good return?
πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/orlanthi
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Jesus was an automobile enthusiast and had a car he really loved. Everytime Jesus went to visit his parents, he would return with his car sporting a new colour

His father was a Carpainter

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AccidentalPundit
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
🚨︎ report
To celebrate Bundesliga return tonight!!
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I recently did a joke about a suicide bomber not having a return ticket

and it bombed

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/listeningSaint
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Why are you supposed to round to the nearest dollar on your tax returns?

Because the IRS has no cents.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MSchmahl
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did Bernie Sanders refuse to return to the Senate after the primaries?

He wanted to practice socialist distancing

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/winkelschleifer
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the astroid return his salad?

He wanted it meteor

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/maccer20
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2020
🚨︎ report
This guy from Egypt called me to invest in a tourism company, and then to ask 3 others to invest in it, while getting returns from their investments. I declined it.

It was a pyramid scheme.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheHyperthetical
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2020
🚨︎ report
You should know you can help to recycle dead batteries and return them in most supermarkets

It's free of charge

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BenderDeLorean
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2020
🚨︎ report
An American coronavirus investigator got sick and had to return from China

He was forensic

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyjarvis
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Ordered some bass in a restaurant, but I had to return it because the fish they gave me was full of diarrhea

Sick bass turds

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Uckioh
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Had to return this cookie it had a hare in it
πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bjhoneycut2478
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife bought a pumice foot stone the other day, but I made her return it.

I asked her never to bring pedi files into our house again.

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpunkBunkers
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2019
🚨︎ report
A man is at a doctor's appointment and the Doctor returns and tells the man "I'm sorry, sir, but you've contracted a disease that has erased all memories of 80's music from your mind."

The man looks shocked and asks "Oh no! What's the Cure?"

πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kopar199
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
🚨︎ report
I received a letter the other day saying my tax return was 'outstanding'.

Although it's lovely to receive such high praise from HMRC, to be honest I can't even remember sending one in.

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnnydarko-
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2018
🚨︎ report
I need to return my porcelain duck

The thing is quacked

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/endangeredpenguin
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I paid a car dealership a monthly fee to drive a car for 2 years then after that I would return the car to the dealer...

It was the leased of my worries.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
🚨︎ report
What sucks you in and gives you nothing in return!?

A black hole!!!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Return of the Bananas imgur.com/Zoowd6i
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/scumsatchel
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2019
🚨︎ report
I was hopeful that my dad would return because I was told dads were like boomerangs

But then I remembered that I didn't throw my dad at a 20-degree angle

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NairodI
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2019
🚨︎ report
My Philipino wife kicked me out for my general McAurther impersanation. I told here I shall return.
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFlom
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2019
🚨︎ report
The US mint wants to stop making pennies because it costs more to make than the returns...

That wouldn't make cents.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
🚨︎ report
I had to return the glasses I bought as an anniversary present for my wife.

She still can't see things my way

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Chateau512
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the cows return to the marijuana field?

It was the pot calling the cattle back.

πŸ‘︎ 188
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Evolution is so strange. Dolphins started off as sea creatures, then evolved to have legs, only to eventually return to the sea and lose them.

Kinda defeets the porpoise, don't you think?

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/youthfulcomrade
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the cows return to the marijuana field?

It was the pot calling the cattle back

πŸ‘︎ 591
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/weiderman316
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
🚨︎ report
The sweater I got for Christmas was picking up static electricity. So I went to the store to return it.

They gave me another one. Free of charge.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t return when you throw it?

A Stick.

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/taroqi
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a boomerang that won’t return to your hand?

A stick.

πŸ‘︎ 57
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/assafstone
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the cows return to the marijuana field?

It was the pot calling the cattle back.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yeahmaybe2
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2019
🚨︎ report
I was pissed off at my buddy Mark who borrowed my dictionary and refuses to return it.

I said, β€œMark, my words!”

πŸ‘︎ 358
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2018
🚨︎ report
why did the cows return to the marijuana field?

It was the pot calling the cattle back.

πŸ‘︎ 171
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tunflog2
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2018
🚨︎ report

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