I just learned the past tense of remove!

[removed]

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jaxerfp
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2021
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I got a hammer lodged in my esophagus and doctors can't remove it

They say it's the worst case of a Thor throat they've ever seen.

πŸ‘︎ 108
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MyPeeSacIsFull
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2021
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Gravity is one of the most fundamental forces in the universe. What do you get when you remove it?

Gravy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bjlind718
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2021
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Does anyone know the best way to remove ice from a windscreen?

I've just used an old discount card I found in my wallet, but I only got 20% off....

πŸ‘︎ 207
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πŸ‘€︎ u/trendfoll
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
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The Doc is giving away treatments to remove boils at no cost

He's a freelancer

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dvd86er
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2021
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Doctor: I'm sorry, but I had to remove your colon

Me why?

πŸ‘︎ 17k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2020
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Psst Psst! I know the past tense of remove

[removed]

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DiabloArya
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2021
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Doctor: I’m afraid we’re going to have to remove your colon.

Me Why?

πŸ‘︎ 350
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πŸ‘€︎ u/justbeatitTTD
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
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I bought a roll on deodorant, the instructions said "remove cap and push up bottom"...

I walk kinda funny now but my farts smell great!

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Toberoni
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
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How should you remove hazardous materials from your house?

Asbestos you can

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thicc_astronaut
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
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What odd number is no longer odd when you remove a letter?

Seven. If you you remove the S it becomes even.

Heard from my nine year old three minutes ago.

I’ve never been more proud.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/platypus_eyes
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2020
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My dog ate a string of Christmas lights, but the vet was able to remove them.

My dog was delighted.

πŸ‘︎ 86
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DiosMioMan2
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
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I have a Pierce Brosnan sticker I can't remove

It's bonded, James Bond-ed

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πŸ‘€︎ u/plunged_ewe
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
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What's harder to remove from an apartment than six spiders?

Ten ants.

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrthatsthat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
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Recently I’ve had to remove several of my posts.

Someone took a fence.

πŸ‘︎ 77
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
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Why did the dentist remove the wrong tooth?

He didn’t mean to, he did it acciDENTALly

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Endersgaming4066
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
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Did you hear about the pro wrestler who came up with a method to remove hemorrhoids by hammering them?

He called it the Pile Driver.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
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Know what it means when the mods remove some of your posts?

That they've taken a fence!

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoodChadAndUgly
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
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I think I'm going to remove my spine.

It's only holding me back.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Frostyfrontier71
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
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If you remove all musical instruments from a church

Is it disorganised?

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Roku-Hanmar
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
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Gravity is a very important part of our existence. What happens when you remove it?

You get gravy

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lafilafi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
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Egg: If you take me seriously, you'll leave my shell intact and not remove my whites. Me: *Breaks Egg and removes whites*

Egg: Am I a yolk to you?

πŸ‘︎ 69
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πŸ‘€︎ u/goddred
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
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My wife claims that she can remove my chest hair without any pain at all.

I don’t think she will be able to pull it off.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
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Had to remove a load of German names and stuff from my pre-owned iPhone..

..It's Hans free now.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
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My friend just told me that he has a third nipple, and he has decided to get surgery to remove it.

He really needed to get it off his chest.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2020
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I got in a bad accident and the doctors had to remove my left leg and arm

At that moment I realized I had nothing left to lose

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πŸ‘€︎ u/my-pp-el-fuego
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
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Original joke time! The apples I had to remove the peals from all appeared in twos, matched for use together.

They pared up nicely.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2020
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How do you remove an automobile from a car pit?

You floor it.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PawneeCityCouncil
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
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I got my dad a new tool that helps him remove things he has clamped onto his work bench.

He said he’d never heard of such a de-vice.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DowntownCryptid
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2020
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A farmer was trying his best to remove his cows from a nearby marijuana plantation

The steaks were high

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Klaus-012
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2020
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My son missed curfew again, so to teach him a lesson, I made him remove all the kudzu out back.

It was de-vine punishment.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SgtBoaty
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
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I went shopping in two different stores today for alcohol and, both times, was asked to remove my sunglasses.

I guess I must've looked shady.

[Based on a true story!]

πŸ‘︎ 88
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wolfyfancylads
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2020
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The irony of using floss to remove previously used floss is not lost on me.

And that's the tooth of the matter.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2019
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How do you remove dreadlocks?

With dreadkeys

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kishenoy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2019
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The CEO of Honda was fired, and the cops were called to remove him from his office.

He refused to leave on his own Accord.

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2019
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Dr: We had to remove your colon

Me Why?

πŸ‘︎ 65
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Blindingdoor554
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
🚨︎ report
Doctor: I'm sorry but we have to remove half of your colon

Me; What?

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gssn-nospace
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
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Gravity, one of the most basic forces in the Universe. But then again, if you remove it...

You still have Gravy

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Doctor: I'm afraid we've had to remove your colon

Me Why?

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rhienor
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Gravity's one of the most fundamental forces in the universe. What do you get when you remove it?

Gravy.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Doctor: I’m sorry but I had to remove a section of your colon.

Me;

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CodyClay1
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2020
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Guys I found out what the past tense of remove is.

[removed]

πŸ‘︎ 71
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
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Gravity is one of the most essential forces in the universe. What do you get when you remove it?

Gravy.

πŸ‘︎ 322
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πŸ‘€︎ u/flashblazer
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2019
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I recently discovered what the past tense of Remove is

[removed]

πŸ‘︎ 171
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DiamondChocobos
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2019
🚨︎ report
What even number becomes odd when you remove a letter?

SIX! If you remove the S you are left with IX, which is nine in roman numerals

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GiceVE
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2020
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I bought a new deodorant yesterday. The instructions said "Remove cap and push up bottom"

It hurt like hell, but my farts smell great.

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I bought a new deodorant today. The instructions said to remove cap and push up bottom.

I can barely walk but my farts smell lovely.

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bryanBr
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Gravity is one of the most fundamental forces in the universe. What do you get when you remove it?

Gravy.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
🚨︎ report

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