I saw a homeless guy living in a tyre...So, I punctured it.

Since then, he's living in a flat.

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👤︎ u/VERBERD
📅︎ May 03 2021
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What do you call a man who used punctured condoms?

Dad

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👤︎ u/bonp27
📅︎ Sep 08 2020
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I did a good deed today. I saw a homeless man living in a tyre and I punctured it...

How is that a good deed you ask?

Well now he lives in a flat!

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📅︎ Apr 22 2019
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"Fellow Spearman, why must you hold your spear in such an irregular stance?"

But then it hit them why he was holding it in a overhand grip.

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👤︎ u/TheTaminus
📅︎ Dec 14 2020
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Have you seen the new pen that writes underwater, upside down and in outer space?

It writes lots of other words too.

👍︎ 3k
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📅︎ Dec 11 2014
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Pun-ishing rant to those who think puns aren't funny, for them to use as an example.

I wanna punt all the spunky diction pundits, that attempt to expunge the joy from punsters, right in their puny footballs. They're punks who attempt to puncture holes in our word play, finding it punitive to their, self described, punticulously crafted humor. The pungent smell of their looming punishment is in the air . Now is the punctual time to place the punctuation on this punchline.

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📅︎ Aug 22 2018
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My wife and I put plastic on the windows today.

She started tapping on it to feel how much air was being trapped and our kitten started hitting it too.

Her: dying of laughter

Me: "Why are you laughing? He's going to puncture the plastic."

Her: "Because... He's a copy cat!"

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👤︎ u/Steevehn
📅︎ Nov 28 2018
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The most common cause of death for people reading this subbreddit is...

...puncture wounds.

👍︎ 27
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👤︎ u/Streaplerz
📅︎ May 08 2013
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Wife: "I'm feeling really tired and flat."

...and then she farted...

...so I told her she clearly had a puncture.

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📅︎ Sep 15 2015
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On the phone with my parents...

Last night my mom was telling me about how my parents' dog started eating a whole pack of gum it found on the floor, but (miraculously) gave up. There were teeth marks on the package, but no punctures.

Dad: And you know what she was thinking when she couldn't get through the package?

Me: No, what?

Dad: "Blasted! Foiled again!"

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👤︎ u/squidzilla
📅︎ Nov 15 2013
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Today, I saw a homeless man living in a tyre, so I punctured it

He's now living in a flat

👍︎ 23
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👤︎ u/Khevan_YT
📅︎ Apr 18 2019
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I saw a homeless man living in a tyre, so I punctured it

He now lives in a flat

👍︎ 3
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📅︎ May 27 2019
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