It's 1905, and Albert Einstein has finally published his new space theory.

It's about time!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2021
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I can’t believe it’s been more than 100 years since Einstein published his Theory of Relativity.

It seems like just yesterday.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2021
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I’ve just received another rejection letter from a publisher regarding my autobiography.

That’s the story of my life

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2021
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How do you enter the Publisher's Clearinghouse?

You knock on the door

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πŸ‘€︎ u/byorderofthe
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
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I was tasked to come up with a great pun for a new launch of Microsoft Office, I thought I’d come up with a great one.

But my publisher told me that word games are not what I excel at.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/T33NW01F
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
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Scientists published a paper on grapes, consciousness and fruit rights.

It is basically all about raisin awareness.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lum1nar
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2020
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I just published a book on how to prevent skin injuries and minor burns.

It’s non friction.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
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As I thought, the publisher of my book called "Bio" wants me to change the name. It figures...

That's the story of my life.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
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Boss: "How good are you at PowerPoint?" - Me: "I Excel at it." - Boss: "Was that a Microsoft Office pun?"

Me: "Word".

πŸ‘︎ 16k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KimJongEwww
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2020
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After a year of waiting, my publisher finally approved my book on gardening

It's about Thyme.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/flashblazer
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2020
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What's the definition of publish?

To scrawl on a bar wall.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/reddiflecting
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2020
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Einstein: Dad, my paper on The Theory of Relativity finally got published!

Einstein’s dad: Damn son, it’s about time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2020
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I was intending to publish a book about the Black Death

Until I was accused of plaguerism.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nwgirlforever
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
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A friend of mine offered me a piece of a pizza made out of a magazine that's no longer published. Hesitant at first, it turned out to be tasty!

It was a slice of Life.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
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To the person who stole my Microsoft office licence ,I will find you

You have my word

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
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I offered to help publish a book of recipes for a local Indian food restaurant.

They made me sign a naan-disclosure agreement.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NThruThe0utdoor
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
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My local paper published an article about a gymnast who was dropped as a customer of our local bank.

She had outstanding balance.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Joey_the_Duck
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
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If I ran a large department store, I would publish a huge catalogue of Christmas products and call it the "All I want for Christmas" issue.

And put Mariah Carey on the cover

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Iplaymeinreallife
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2019
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Take my Word
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zarhouni
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
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I just published my first book of dad jokes...

... and dadicated it to my father.

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2017
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ABCDEFGHIJKLMNQRSTUVWXYZ

If you came here looking for an OP, you got it.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/timmyb55
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2019
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I just published a book on The Dangers of Overreacting.

If you guys don’t buy it, I’ll burn everything down.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2018
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Scientist publish sensational series of results from their habanero research

Referred to as the Red Hot Chili Papers

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ehtBlackberry
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2018
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A new book is published when..

.. an author has a novel idea.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VexedMackerel
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2016
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Did you know that Stephen King's son is Joe?

I'm not joking but he is.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/379447984
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2019
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Bill Nye has a daughter who doesn't believe in science.

Her name is Dee.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ArshmanR
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2019
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"I bought a self-published book from my friend that's truly awful," said my wife.

"That's mean," I replied. "I'm sure she's actually a nice person."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2019
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Y'all hear about the habitual liar who allegedly published a best-seller?

Everybody's buying it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/megaletoemahs
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2017
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I found a recently published book by my favorite author, he’s been dead for years.

I have a feeling it was ghost written.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hughthedragon
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2018
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So I wanted to publish my book on how to maximize storage usage in your kitchen.

But the publisher refused saying they could not publish illegal material. Stupid anti counter fitting laws.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2016
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I wrote a book about the most comfortable ways to sleep in a coffin.

They wouldn't publish it though, the publisher said that the intended audience was a dead market.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrsNacho8000
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
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The mods have a new way of improving the jokes we submit. They now add smell to all the jokes and rate them according to their odour. One mod adds some floral funniness, another tweaks them with sweet smile appeal and a third makes sure they contain a few obnoxious puns.

From now on no joke will be published without their scents of humour.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
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I wrote a story about a mundane, not-so-hideous monster.

My publisher said it was a mediogre work.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/troy_lc
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
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Why does Waldo wear a striped shirt?

Well, he sure doesn't want to be spotted

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/125bench
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2018
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I heard a new book about domestic abuse was published

You should check it out, it's a big hit right now.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cratoreat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2016
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my bf punned his first published article for a local newspaper. I thought y'all would enjoy blogs.miaminewtimes.com/c…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/peluca
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2014
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I didn't know this sub published a book!

http://i.imgur.com/8Ed5IPz.jpg

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πŸ‘€︎ u/coool12121212
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2014
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My mate, Skippy, is a bit of a nerd. Just last night he spent 2 hours telling me about all the characters named Kang.

For instance, Kang the Conqueror is a fictional supervillain appearing in American comic books published by Marvel Comics. In 2009, Kang was ranked as IGN's 65th Greatest Comic Book Villain of All Time

or

In the Simpsons , Kang is a Rigellian from Rigel 7. He and his sister Kodos continuously try to take over Earth and are usually seen attacking Springfield. Kang and Kodos have a lot of space weaponry at hand and have their own spaceship. They speak the Rigellian language, which, by coincidence, is identical to English. Although they look identical, Kang has a deeper voice than Kodos.

I guess you could say Skippy is a Kang Guru...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2020
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I applied to work at Microsoft...

I told them I Excelled in the Office and had a positive Outlook on life. I also try to be an Explorer of new ideas, and always keep my Word.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TakaComics
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2016
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Einstein: Dad, my paper on The Theory of Relativity finally got published!

Dad: Damn son, it’s about time!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2019
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Einstein to his Dad: Dad, my paper on The Theory of Relativity just got published.

Dad: Nice, son. It is about time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2018
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I can’t believe it’s been over a hundred years since Einstein’s Theory of Relativity was published.

It seems like just yesterday.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2018
🚨︎ report
To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you.

You have my Word.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/oasishippie
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2019
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To the person who stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you.

You have my Word.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/trailgumby
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2017
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Conversation with my boss

Boss: are you any good at PowerPoint?

Me: I Excel at it.

Boss: Is that a Microsoft joke?

Me: Word

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Martycus
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2018
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