It's 1905, and Albert Einstein has finally published his new space theory.
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︎ Apr 01 2021
I canβt believe itβs been more than 100 years since Einstein published his Theory of Relativity.
It seems like just yesterday.
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︎ Mar 14 2021
Iβve just received another rejection letter from a publisher regarding my autobiography.
Thatβs the story of my life
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︎ Jan 29 2021
How do you enter the Publisher's Clearinghouse?
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︎ Dec 30 2020
I was tasked to come up with a great pun for a new launch of Microsoft Office, I thought Iβd come up with a great one.
But my publisher told me that word games are not what I excel at.
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︎ Jan 14 2021
Scientists published a paper on grapes, consciousness and fruit rights.
It is basically all about raisin awareness.
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︎ Jul 12 2020
I just published a book on how to prevent skin injuries and minor burns.
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︎ Jul 22 2020
As I thought, the publisher of my book called "Bio" wants me to change the name. It figures...
That's the story of my life.
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︎ Jun 29 2020
Boss: "How good are you at PowerPoint?" - Me: "I Excel at it." - Boss: "Was that a Microsoft Office pun?"
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︎ Jun 20 2020
After a year of waiting, my publisher finally approved my book on gardening
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︎ Jun 03 2020
What's the definition of publish?
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︎ May 29 2020
Einstein: Dad, my paper on The Theory of Relativity finally got published!
Einsteinβs dad: Damn son, itβs about time.
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︎ Feb 01 2020
I was intending to publish a book about the Black Death
Until I was accused of plaguerism.
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︎ Nov 09 2019
A friend of mine offered me a piece of a pizza made out of a magazine that's no longer published. Hesitant at first, it turned out to be tasty!
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︎ Nov 30 2019
To the person who stole my Microsoft office licence ,I will find you
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︎ Aug 12 2020
I offered to help publish a book of recipes for a local Indian food restaurant.
They made me sign a naan-disclosure agreement.
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︎ Dec 06 2019
My local paper published an article about a gymnast who was dropped as a customer of our local bank.
She had outstanding balance.
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︎ Nov 30 2019
If I ran a large department store, I would publish a huge catalogue of Christmas products and call it the "All I want for Christmas" issue.
And put Mariah Carey on the cover
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︎ Dec 01 2019
Take my Word
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︎ Nov 30 2019
I just published my first book of dad jokes...
... and dadicated it to my father.
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︎ Oct 13 2017
ABCDEFGHIJKLMNQRSTUVWXYZ
If you came here looking for an OP, you got it.
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︎ Dec 05 2019
I just published a book on The Dangers of Overreacting.
If you guys donβt buy it, Iβll burn everything down.
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︎ Apr 09 2018
Scientist publish sensational series of results from their habanero research
Referred to as the Red Hot Chili Papers
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︎ Dec 20 2018
A new book is published when..
.. an author has a novel idea.
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︎ Nov 11 2016
Did you know that Stephen King's son is Joe?
I'm not joking but he is.
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︎ Jul 18 2019
Bill Nye has a daughter who doesn't believe in science.
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︎ Nov 28 2019
"I bought a self-published book from my friend that's truly awful," said my wife.
"That's mean," I replied. "I'm sure she's actually a nice person."
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︎ Jan 11 2019
Y'all hear about the habitual liar who allegedly published a best-seller?
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︎ Aug 16 2017
I found a recently published book by my favorite author, heβs been dead for years.
I have a feeling it was ghost written.
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︎ Mar 20 2018
So I wanted to publish my book on how to maximize storage usage in your kitchen.
But the publisher refused saying they could not publish illegal material. Stupid anti counter fitting laws.
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︎ Dec 23 2016
I wrote a book about the most comfortable ways to sleep in a coffin.
They wouldn't publish it though, the publisher said that the intended audience was a dead market.
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︎ Jul 24 2020
The mods have a new way of improving the jokes we submit. They now add smell to all the jokes and rate them according to their odour. One mod adds some floral funniness, another tweaks them with sweet smile appeal and a third makes sure they contain a few obnoxious puns.
From now on no joke will be published without their scents of humour.
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︎ Jul 14 2020
I wrote a story about a mundane, not-so-hideous monster.
My publisher said it was a mediogre work.
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︎ Jul 18 2020
Why does Waldo wear a striped shirt?
Well, he sure doesn't want to be spotted
π︎ 4k
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︎ Apr 16 2018
I heard a new book about domestic abuse was published
You should check it out, it's a big hit right now.
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︎ Oct 10 2016
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︎ Feb 16 2014
I didn't know this sub published a book!
http://i.imgur.com/8Ed5IPz.jpg
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︎ Jun 07 2014
My mate, Skippy, is a bit of a nerd. Just last night he spent 2 hours telling me about all the characters named Kang.
For instance, Kang the Conqueror is a fictional supervillain appearing in American comic books published by Marvel Comics. In 2009, Kang was ranked as IGN's 65th Greatest Comic Book Villain of All Time
or
In the Simpsons , Kang is a Rigellian from Rigel 7. He and his sister Kodos continuously try to take over Earth and are usually seen attacking Springfield.
Kang and Kodos have a lot of space weaponry at hand and have their own spaceship. They speak the Rigellian language, which, by coincidence, is identical to English. Although they look identical, Kang has a deeper voice than Kodos.
I guess you could say Skippy is a Kang Guru...
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︎ Apr 18 2020
I applied to work at Microsoft...
I told them I Excelled in the Office and had a positive Outlook on life. I also try to be an Explorer of new ideas, and always keep my Word.
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︎ Aug 24 2016
Einstein: Dad, my paper on The Theory of Relativity finally got published!
Dad: Damn son, itβs about time!
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︎ May 21 2019
Einstein to his Dad: Dad, my paper on The Theory of Relativity just got published.
Dad: Nice, son. It is about time.
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︎ May 02 2018
I canβt believe itβs been over a hundred years since Einsteinβs Theory of Relativity was published.
It seems like just yesterday.
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︎ Nov 21 2018
To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you.
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︎ Sep 16 2019
To the person who stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you.
π︎ 10k
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︎ Sep 23 2017
Conversation with my boss
Boss: are you any good at PowerPoint?
Me: I Excel at it.
Boss: Is that a Microsoft joke?
Me: Word
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︎ May 25 2018
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