The farmer had a prized bull. It bred 300 times per year.
The farmer's wife said "300 times, isn't that wonderful, dear? Maybe you should watch him. Maybe he'll show you how..." The farmer replied "Yeah, he's a hell of a bull, but it wasn't all with the same cow."
π︎ 10
π
︎ May 22 2021
I canβt believe some lowlife broke into my garage. They took my prized possession: my Limbo bar.
I mean how low can you go?
π︎ 41
π
︎ Mar 17 2021
When my grandpa died, he passed down his prized English toilet to my son...
He is the heir to the throne.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Oct 26 2019
Why did the farmer mistakenly work extra hard to keep barley and wheat away from his prized ox?
The vet had recently diagnosed him with silly yak disease.
π︎ 2
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︎ Dec 10 2019
Did you hear about the guy from The Beatles that got a divorce but couldn't throw out one prized possession?
No matter what, he wouldn't let his Ringo
π︎ 5
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︎ Nov 08 2018
A young man steals his neighbors prized steer on a dare but is caught and is arrested by the police.
He is taken to the police station and handcuffed to a table and left alone. A while later his father arrives at the station and sits down across from him and says,
βCow could you?β
π︎ 3
π
︎ Apr 05 2019
I won the top prize in a lottery themed around the world's tallest terrestrial animal
I guess a picked a pretty lucky giraffle ticket
π︎ 3
π
︎ May 14 2021
My family used to own a farm with prize winning animals
The cows were udderly awesome.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Apr 04 2021
If I ever win a big monetary prize or inheritance, I'll change my last name to Bates.
My butler won't be amused though.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Apr 23 2021
The creator of the knock-knock joke should get a Nobel prize
π︎ 68
π
︎ Feb 27 2021
Did you hear about the person who invented the door knocker?
They won the Nobel prize.
π︎ 7k
π
︎ Apr 10 2021
My son was lamenting that he couldn't remember what the Ukrainian watercourse Uchan-su is and didn't win a prize...
I replied, "oh, Crimea river!"
π︎ 5
π
︎ Mar 25 2021
Who ever stops the extended warranty calls should win a prize.
I'm calling it The No-Bell Peace Prize.
Idc if you steal this I just thought of it while making lunch and I got another one of them.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Feb 10 2021
Today someone bought our department a box of donuts and some lotto tickets. The potential grand prize was $3,000, in which my boss exclaimed "Well that isn't enough to retire".
I corrected him by saying that is plenty of money to buy some new tires for your car.
The physical pain on his face was priceless.
π︎ 162
π
︎ Dec 22 2020
What kind of a prize do you give someone who hasn't moved a muscle in a year?
π︎ 12k
π
︎ Jun 05 2020
My friend called me and said he lost the million dollar prize because he couldn't think of a neighbor to Saudi Arabia...
π︎ 14
π
︎ Jan 14 2021
When I won the grand prize at cemetery, I knew exactly what it was.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jan 16 2021
Prince Harry and Meghan Markle were down on their luck.
They took one of their prized possessionsβThe Star of The Empire, one of the worlds largest diamondsβto a famous yet discreet pawn shop outside of Las Vegas to ask for a loan.
The pawnbroker said "So I talked to my buddy who is an expert in diamonds to get his opinion. I can give you $200,000 for it."
Prince Harry said "You must be joking, I had this appraised at nearly 2 million pounds! Don't you know who I am, I'm a prince! My mother is Queen of The United Kingdom, Elizabeth II!!"
The pawnbroker said "$200k, take it or leave it. When you wish to pawn a star, makes no difference who you are..."
π︎ 13
π
︎ May 12 2021
Why did the scarecrow win a Nobel prize?
He was out standing in his field.
π︎ 14
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︎ Dec 07 2020
I've entered a competition to win the entire ABBA back catalogue.
There's no second prize....
The Winner Takes It All.
π︎ 13
π
︎ May 23 2021
Who ever invented Knock-Knock jokes should get a Nobel Prize
π︎ 10k
π
︎ Jun 25 2019
Did you hear about this yearβs Nobel prize nominees?
It included the inventor of βSilent Modeβ.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Oct 14 2020
Why did the scientist remove his doorbell?
He wanted to win the no bell prize.
π︎ 7
π
︎ May 22 2021
What is the most coveted architectural prize awarded to churches with no steeple?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Aug 31 2020
When my Dad gets drunk, he always tells stories about his prize chickens.
He sure loves his cock-tales.
π︎ 6
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︎ Jul 24 2020
My wife threw a saucer at me because I hadn't completed the science project of our kid until then. Interestingly, he won first prize at school for presenting a
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jul 16 2020
I came second in my Astronomy Quiz
Thankfully I got a constellation prize.
π︎ 26
π
︎ Apr 06 2021
There should be a Pulitzer prize for headlines
π︎ 63
π
︎ Mar 02 2020
Why did the corn farmer win the Nobel Peace Prize?
For his dedication to world hominy
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jul 12 2020
What award should the person get who invented knock knock jokes?
π︎ 389
π
︎ Jan 14 2021
Honestly I would love this as a prize
π︎ 11
π
︎ Feb 24 2020
I came in first at the science fair and received a new telescope...
It wasnβt bad for a constellation prize.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Mar 19 2021
RIP Kev
This old bloke I know just passed away. He was well known in the community for his wood turning - bowls, furniture - you name it, he did it. So for the funeral, they decided to bury his prized lathe right there next to him.
It's a nice gesture - but I know he'd be turning in his grave if he knew.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Feb 08 2021
We always thought my sisters dog Belle was an idiot, until we realized
Shes won the "No-Belle" prize
π︎ 2
π
︎ Apr 12 2021
What prize did the bodybuilder win when the lockdown was lifted
π︎ 5
π
︎ May 13 2020
What was the prize the baker won for winning the bread contest?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Feb 02 2020
A Scotsman visits his doctor. He pulls his kilt up and says doctor you have to help me I'm going crazy
The doctor says I can clearly see your nuts
π︎ 93
π
︎ Nov 17 2020
Who was the 1st person to win the Nobel Prize?
Same person who invented the Door Knock...
π︎ 10
π
︎ Feb 24 2021
Did you hear about the scarecrow that won a Noble Prize?
He was (out)standing in his field
π︎ 6
π
︎ Dec 03 2020
I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Oct 06 2020
The creator of the knock knock joke should get a Nobel prize.
π︎ 4k
π
︎ Sep 25 2019
Why did the Scarecrow get a Nobel Prize
Because he was Out-Standing in his field.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Nov 01 2020
What kind of prize do you give someone who hasn't moved a muscle in over a year?
π︎ 148
π
︎ Jun 02 2020
What kind of prize do you give someone who hasn't moved a muscle in over a year?
π︎ 17
π
︎ Jun 25 2020
Why did the corn farmer win a Nobel Peace Prize?
Because of his dedication to world hominy.
π︎ 17
π
︎ Mar 10 2020
The creator of the knock knock joke should get a Nobel prize.
π︎ 233
π
︎ Sep 22 2019
What happened to the guy who invented knock knock jokes?
π︎ 14
π
︎ Mar 11 2021
Why did the scarecrow win the Nobel prize?
He was outstanding in his field
π︎ 27
π
︎ Jan 07 2020
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