I was positive she would get it...
πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stravocados
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2021
🚨︎ report
I finally found a genie in a bottle! So I asked if it would be possible to change French positives to Spanish...

He replied, "oui shall sΓ­."

πŸ‘︎ 90
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2021
🚨︎ report
What's the most positive thing about Switzerland?

I don't know, but their flag is a big plus.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wessdude79
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2021
🚨︎ report
What is something that is only considered positive during this pandemic?

Being negative and smelling like alcohol.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DonDrizzle
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2021
🚨︎ report
I once dated a phlebotomist whom, when she tried to draw my blood, said "Be positive."

It was then I realized, she wasn't my type.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Venomenace
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2021
🚨︎ report
I tested positive for my corvid-19 test

It really ruffled my feathers

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/arithmetic
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2021
🚨︎ report
I told my wife that I must always be positive. She asked β€œWhy must you?”

β€œIt’s in my blood.” I replied.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VitalMaTThews
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2021
🚨︎ report
The cast from Pulp Fiction tested positive with Covid after going camping together:

Tent in Quarantino

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OiTheRolk
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
🚨︎ report
Recently, the Kansas City Chiefs acted quickly and had to pull their team barber out mid-cut because they learned he tested positive for COVID.

Guess you could say that it was a close shave

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zomgz0mbie
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2021
🚨︎ report
Mate was feeling down so I told him there's a positive and negative to everything, you just gotta find it...

Poor fella can't even put batteries in right....

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BaccyBuegs
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you know Pecans are one of the most positive type of nuts out there...

Else, they’d be called Pecants

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ash_bel
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2021
🚨︎ report
What makes boaters such positive people?

Their can-oe attitude.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hollywoodhank
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
🚨︎ report
U have been tested positive for breathtaking
πŸ‘︎ 128
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
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I met a transformer who only had positive thoughts.

He said his name was optimist prime

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Artisticspawm
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I am positive that there is something wrong with Quasimodo's back

Or it could be just a hunch

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
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I've been working on not mansplaining and instead saying something positive. How has been going?

It's swell, actually...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/allanon101
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Trump tested positive for COVID-19

The news went viral.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Stay Positive

Son is working on math. Currently working on negative numbers, which is below his level (pun intended).

Wife says, "He is really bored. If you can think of anything to say to help that would be great.

Me to son, β€œHey buddy, I know you are working on negative numbers and that is boring. Try to stay positive.”

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
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I got my wife 4 pregnancy tests and they all came back positive

She’s now worried about how we are going to raise 4 kids.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Now is definitely not the right time to start surrounding yourself with positive people.
πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_simplepotato_
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
🚨︎ report
So I tested positive for covid antibodies.

My dad wanted to know about my uncle-bodies.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Registered_Murse
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2020
🚨︎ report
/r/BlackFathers will now be a positive and supportive community for Black and POC fathers

https://i.imgur.com/GlXV2kE.gifv

Reddit admins have recently granted ownership of /r/BlackFathers to myself and a group of other Black/POC mods, and it is our intention to make this a positive and supportive community. This is a place where Black/POC fathers and their family, friends, and colleagues can find helpful resources, welcoming content, and a safe space to learn from each other and share our experience.

Content of all types are welcome so long as the subject/focus of the content is supportive of Black/POC fathers. We look forward to seeing you there.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BigJ76
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Instead of medicine, my hippie girlfriend cured her hemorrhoid using only the "power of positive suggestion."

"I shit you knot."

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PotBuzz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
🚨︎ report
An English professor was telling his class that a double negative makes a positive, but there was no case in which a double positive creates a negative.

From the back of the room a Physics professor said, "Yeah, yeah."

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lfantine
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Feeling positive
πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cultodaostra
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2020
🚨︎ report
A nuclear power plant put up a new sign outside that read, "Post your positive reviews of us on social media!"

They were just fission for compliments.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2020
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B Positive
πŸ‘︎ 65
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Itskrueger
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2019
🚨︎ report
You're so positive

A message from Corona.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Deadly_R
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
🚨︎ report
people dying in hospitals often have such positive outlooks on what they can do.

Whenever I ask if they can do something it's always "Can sir."

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I just got word my ex wife was rushed to the ER and tested positive for COVID-19!

So I guess she wasn’t sick of me?

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ah20250
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I was hired to represent the hard outer layers of cereal grain in a positive light and by doing so help to increase awareness and sales.

I'm a bran ambassador.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
🚨︎ report
In response to all the negativity on Reddit, Here is a positive post.
πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Erisian_Neko
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2019
🚨︎ report
I’m positive I just lost an electron...

Better keep an ion that.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RayInRed
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Get it positive ha
πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Let's all try to stay positive during these challenging times.

So if anyone asks, tell them you're Coronavirus positive πŸ‘

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thedotmack
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the opposite of a positive crocodile?

A negator

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AustinSpartan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2020
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend needed a blood transfusion. Life or death ya know? But her parents and I could not remember her blood type. As she lay dying on her gurney, she kept insisting β€œbe positive, be positive,”

But sometimes, it’s really hard without her.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PoeJascoe
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2020
🚨︎ report
You're fired, Jack. The test results came back, and you tested positive for Coke
πŸ‘︎ 117
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πŸ‘€︎ u/moses10960
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2019
🚨︎ report
BREAKING NEWS: The president of Brazil has tested positive for the coronavirus.

He met with Trump only 4 days ago!

The odds of this are like... one in a Brazillion...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iconicflux
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2020
🚨︎ report
So you think two positives don't make a negative?

eye roll yeah right!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kkirchoff
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2020
🚨︎ report
What kind of algebra teachers are positive

The ones with absolute values

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MtxJosh
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Donating blood can be A-positive experience

But sometimes it can B-negative.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Degtyrev
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
🚨︎ report

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