Plaque Puns

It was pretty boring.

Plaque Friday.

Sadly, there was no plaque on it.

This award is my crowning achievement but this is the only plaque that’s allowed in my house.

A little plaque

"...have plaque on your wall?"

I gave him a little plaque

Every year I give him a little plaque

A: Tooth hurty.

The only thing I managed to shoot was a feral cat. Great shot though, tore the thing in half and the front half was nowhere to be seen. Filled with pride, I picked up the feline's hind quarters and thought I'd have a go at taxidermy to make a plaque for above the mantle. What a catastrophe.

Every wall in his his office was covered in plaque.

A little plaque.

The culprit, a crazed 34 year old Dentist name Michael. When asked why he did it said: "I just really hate plaque."

Because they got rid of the plaques.

(This one popped into my head getting into the shower. Crap, it’s early.)

Dentists. They receive a new kind of plaque almost every day!

There was major plaque buildup.

Give them a plaque.

I'm a dad, and I told my dad this, so I think it counts. It got a lot of groans, so I think it's great, if a bit long.

I once lived near a small, simple town where there lived named Hugh.

Hugh was a very smart man stricken with a series of personal tragedies earlier in his life. As a result, he moved to this small town and took a job in his local florist shop, relaxing the days away arranging flowers and trying not to think of times past. Hugh grew to love working there.

One day, a disaster struck the town. A small, single engine airplane crashed a block from Hugh's shop, killing those on the plane and setting fire to several buildings, both occupied and empty.

The impact ruptured a gas line, which ultimately exploded, creating a shock wave that caused part of the building next to the florist shop to collapse and trap several of Hugh's customers and co-workers inside. The situation was desperate, as the shop would be burned to the ground at any moment.

Acting quickly, Hugh located the gas main, shutting it down. Next, Hugh noticed a water storage tank nearby, and opened a release valve that suffocated the fire before it reached his beloved shop.

With the fire out, and the florist shop saved along with those trapped inside, Hugh was a hero. The town presented him with a plaque in honor of his courageous deeds. On this plaque was a detailed etching of a bear, and Hugh was touched because he loved bears. But it was the words etched beneath that truly touched him.

"Only Hugh could prevent florist fires."

While out walking with the family we saw a bench with a dedication plaque. It read "In Memory of Helen, she walked these meadows with joy". Of course I had no choice but to remark "Why didn't Joy get a bench too?"

Cue involuntary snort of laughter from the wife. Mission accomplished.

Dad took me up from the dentist and asked

"How was it?"

I responded with

"He did a great job!"

He followed with

"Awesome, I'd say we should get him a little plaque, but you probably just took care of that"

My parents visited me last weekend. Short on ideas, we decided to hit up a widely-respected art museum. They had some new exhibitions, some of which were a little outside our personal tastes and expectations.

We walked into a photography exhibit and saw, along one wall, a sheet of green. This sheet of green was a little higher and taller than the average door, and stretched all the way down that bit of wall plus a few feet onto the floor.

"Oh," I said, "a green screen. That's kind of a neat little thing to have here. Sort of an homage to that style of film, I guess?"

Little did I know. In hindsight, I don't know why I expected anything different.

My father and I approached the plaque beside it. There we learned the truth: This was not a green screen. No. No, this was a specially printed photograph.

A photograph... of a green screen.

There we stood, astonished at the audacity of the thing before us. "My God," I said aloud, "This, right here, this is something else. This is just plain genius. Can you imagine getting money for something like this? Why didn't we come up with this? This is gold!"

To which my dad simply responded, "No, son...

... it's green."

I was at the dentist office for a morning appointment, just got home and my girlfriend said this:

"Why did you go in the morning? Why not tooth-hurty?"

"I should get a plaque for that, or maybe a crown."

This one is a keeper.

edit: grammar.

I went and saw author Bill Bryson speak last night and he told us how his dad used to make the most wonderful puns. I'll paraphrase best I can:

They had traveled from Iowa to California on vacation, and they were driving along the coast. They stopped at an informational plaque at the San Andreas Fault, and his dad walked straight up to the huge crack in the ground and threw a quarter in. When the kids asked why he did that, he simply responded "I've always wanted to be generous to a fault."

So we were having dinner with some family friends of ours when our friends wide started talking about an award she won a few years back. Her husband: "Did they give you any proof"

Her: "Yea I have a plaque!"

Her husband: "Well maybe you should brush your teeth more!"

Cue collective half groan half laughs.

--a small plaque in my dad's study.

Dad: "Yeah, this guy, he had a lot of plaques in his office..."

Me: "You know who has the most plaque in their offices?"

Dad: "Who?"

Me: "Dentists."

I learned everything I have from him

A little plaque.

A little plaque.

A plaque

A little plaque