Only if your dances moves are hot
Nobody expected the Spanish ink precision.
It's called OnlyDans.
I was inundavid
I guess to me he was more of a “Mime’s Man”.
They cant read the room
WHYYYY MCA!!
The bartender was almost crushed to death.
It was a real shindig
I said, “Don’t worry. There won’t be a single person in it.”
But I forgot the punchline.
I mean, who's better at breaking the ice than an icebreaker?
They can't stop cheating at charades.
A lady ran by, clearly working out. Dad says, "Hey look, she's dressed as a jogger!"
"How many people can I fit in a hand, though?"
Pulled on my mom.
Because it’s not Stroganoff.
Evidently not two though
You get them VERY ANGRY
I've just handed in my too weak notice.
The centaur of attention..... ill see myself out
I tried to look up lighters and all they had were 13,570 matches
Dude 2: “Brochure”
He said, “Wow, that’s the worst case of parking son’s disease I’ve ever seen.”
The horse says, "I don't think so," then disappears into nothing.
This is the point in time when all the philosophy students in the audience begin to giggle, as they are familiar with the philosophical proposition of Cogito ergo sum, or I think, therefore, I am. The classic philosophy put forward by René Descartes.
But to explain the concept aforehand would be putting Descartes before the horse.
It's because they drank the t
...right in front of a house where there’s a huge party going on. He walks in and notices that the party is somewhat divided. There’s a clear distinction between the people waiting for the bathroom and the people queued up for drinks, etc.
Considering the urgency of the bathroom queue, he walks over to the drinks table and asks everyone there if they wouldn’t mind helping him push his car to get it started. They agree but even with the full might of several people, the car doesn’t budge. He thanks them for trying and they all head back inside.
A little while later, the doorbell rings. The man sees the host open the door to the largest pizza guy he’s ever seen. The behemoth is holding 15 pizzas with one hand, a pallet of buffalo wings with the other, with a keg strapped to each shoulder. The man jumps up and asks the pizza guy for his help pushing the car. He agrees and they head to the street.
With barely one touch of a pinky on one hand, the car lurches forward and starts right up. The man drives off, waving behind him and yelling a quick, “Thank you.”
As he catches sight of the party fading into the distance, he says to himself...
“Thank goodness for the delivery because that punch line sure is weak.”
But they didn’t planet.
Atleast that's what she said in her diary.
Me: What did I say about slamming The Doors?
I don’t understand how she can feel that way.
He just stands there applauding and saying “Ooh, I love how smooth it is”
If you ever accidentally smack your kid in the face and they say ow my eyes is blurry, or if they bump their face etc
Say “ah buddy u ok? Can u see? How many hands am I holding up?
Then proceed to hold up one hand with four fingers.
The kid will most often say 4. Then you make the dad face.
“4 hands!?!? Yah we might have a problem!”
Just in case there's a salad dressing
I can’t believe I’ve been saying it wrong my whole life
There were repercussions.
Because what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
Scissor me timbers!
Bartender says, “That will be $20.20.”
Pumpkin pi
A sketch pad
It was trivial per suit.
Well I don't know but the Dinomite I guess
F'raternity
There was a shooting at the party yesterday. Thankfully, there were no casualties. Well, that's mainly because it was a formal party, so people were only wearing seriousties.
