I couldn't reach the food, so I said, "Excuse me Pastor, can you pass the pasta past the Pastor?"
(This actually happened, but it was kind of a letdown - they both just looked at me blankly, then resumed eating.)
I love my Christian Heavy Metal.
He becomes a high priest
For I have synonymed.
Boy did I appreciate the cymbal-ism...
It's a not-for-prophet organization.
He would be the Pastor of Muppets
So he could spread the word
He didn’t want to marry Kate and Ashley.
The al pastor says, "I think might be a..." The bartender cuts him off, "Hey, no outside food allowed."
He said not to take the lords name in grain.
A romaine Catholic priest.
Its pastor-ized.
Christian Bale
It’s his altar ego.
How do we get them to byte, and chip in a few more CPUs on Sunday?
but they refrained from that.
She talks about him religiously.
I guess you could say he was a prime minister.
Grandma: You need a new battery for your hearing aid.
"Piece" be with you!
...a documentary on the lives of Lazarus and Jesus
"It's raining hen, hallelujah!"
He works in Africa setting up the electrical systems for the schools and hospitals that a mission is helping build. During his work there he meets a pastor and they chat and eventually become friends. One day the electrician mentions to his friend the idea that the priest should say some prayers for the system once him and his co-workers are finished setting up the electrical system.
A couple years later, the priest is at a charity event where he is talking to the various guests.
One asks "I heard you did work in Africa, what exactly did you do there?"
And the priest replies "I blessed the mains down in Africa".
PEW-diepie
She asked the pastor of a local church if he knew of any houses with rooms to rent that were close to town, but out in the country. The pastor kindly drove her out to see a house with a room to rent. She loved the house and decided to rent the room. Then, the lady returned to her home in England to make her final preparations to move to Switzerland.
When she arrived back home, the thought occurred to her that she had not seen a “W.C.” in the room or even down the hall. (A W.C. is short for “water closet” and is what the English call a toilet.) So she immediately emailed the pastor to ask him where the “W.C.” is located.
The Swiss pastor had never heard of a “W.C.,” and so he Googled the abbreviation and found an article titled “Wayside Chapels.” Thinking that the English lady was asking about a country church to attend near her new home, the pastor responded as follows:
Ms. Smith,
I look forward to your move. Regarding your question about the location of the W.C., the closest W.C. is situated only two miles from the room you have rented, in the center of a beautiful grove of pine trees. The W.C. has a maximum occupancy of 229 people, but not that many people usually go on weekdays. I suggest you plan to go on Thursday evenings when there is a sing-along. The acoustics are remarkable and the happy sounds of so many people echo throughout the W.C.
Sunday mornings are extremely crowded. The locals tend to arrive early and many bring their lunches to make a day of it. Those who arrive just in time can usually be squeezed into the W.C. before things start, but not always. Best to go early if you can!
It may interest you to know that my own daughter was married in the W.C. and it was there that she met her husband. I remember how everyone crowded in to sit close to the bride and groom. There were two people to a seat ordinarily occupied by one, but our friends and family were happy to share. I will admit that my wife and I felt particularly relieved when it was over. We were truly wiped out.
Because of my responsibilities in town, I can’t go as often as I used to. In fact, I haven’t been in well over a year. I can tell you I really miss regularly going to the W.C. Let’s plan on going together for your first visit. I can reserve us seats where you will be seen by all.
Sincerely,
Pastor Kurt Meier
To scare the hell out of them.
A man sees a priest buying hard liquor on a Sunday at a shop down the street from the church the priest is the pastor of. Surprised, the man, who went to that church, asked why he was buying a 5th of Jagermeister.
The priest said, "it's an old catholic secret that Jagermeister helps ease constipation, which one of the nuns has.
So the guy shrugs and leaves, only to see the priest later that day, not halfway back to the church, drunk as a skunk in the gutter, tipping the brown paper bag with Jagermeister in it all the way back as he drinks it.
He pulls up in his car and asks, "I thought you said it was for a nun's constipation!?"
The priest grunted, "It is! She's going to shit herself when she sees me like this!"
I'm posting this, my grandfather's joke, in honor of him passing a few months ago.
My best friend's dad is my Pastor, I was talking to my Pastor (whose name is Malcam) about being George Washington in class today, he replied with
"I was named after George Washington!"
"How?"
"He was named in the 1700's, I was named in the 1900's."
My pastor was talking about the influences of mothers in our lives... He proceeded to talk about how his daughter danced and had pleased Herod, and he offered her anything she wanted, up to half the kingdom. The dancer consulted her mother, who said she should request John the Baptist's head.
This, he informed us, is how to get a head in life.
Dad tears were present.
and do you know who the first person mentioned in the bible to not have a father or mother was? it was joshua, because he was the son of nun.
sitting quietly during sermon Pastor: Anybody know who the only person in the bible without parents is? not one raised hand Pastor: Joeseph, son of nun. a room full of groans
He said he got to speak at a large church in NYC. I said wow, that's great what did you say? He said "excuse me, where is the restroom?"
Facebook post:
We've only been dating a little less than 6 months, in high school, and she's already serving me dinner for the 4th time.
His comment (Father of 4 kids):
I've heard of second breakfast, but fourth dinner? Aren't you full yet?
We were visiting another church's service, and helped pick up folding chairs afterward. Darrel (my grandfather-in-law) took a while to emerge from the storage closet where all the chairs were going, and when he finally came out, my pastor asked sarcastically, "Are you done?!"
His response: "No! I'm Darrel!"
Amen milk.
I'm definitely gonna call it "Pasture Prime"
