Ours Puns

Im sorry for having caused a fence.

Rabbit poop must be delicious.

I'm afraid we are getting ahead of ourselves.

There were lots of L's.

[I pulled this one on my wife as we were rummaging through the display looking for the right letters for our guests' first names. I was afraid the joke was too obtuse, but bright girl that she is, she got it right away. She gave me a wonderful eye roll and said, "You had to go there, huh?" Our kids are in college now so we're empty-nesters, but I can still have a proud dadjoke moment sometimes.]

They're communists...

They were both medicals students. So my dad said something like this:

Dad - Heh, now they're a "Pair 'o Docs"

Her: It’s Hume.

Me: Oh sorry. Whom is your favourite Philosopher?

The lab owner strolls in with her dog and orders a beer. The bartender tells her, "Sorry, you can't bring your dog in here." "He's my seeing eye dog," the woman replies feigning offense. The bartender quickly apologizes and serves her the beer.

The other woman comes in with her chihuahua and orders a beer, too.

The bartender says “No dogs allowed in here.”

“He’s my seeing eye dog.”

“Yeah, right,” the bartender says, “It’s a chihuahua.”

Without missing a beat the woman replies, “They gave me a CHIHUAHUA?”

*EDIT: For everyone that has explained this isn’t a Dad Joke; I told him and he promised to quit telling it.

But she was able to Bridget so easily

4 of us entered a local puzzle competition and we won so now we need a name. Help!

Edit: Thanks everyone! We went with Puzz Lightyear, but so many of these are great!

Scored.

I asked if they thought our landlord was slacking.

They asked me to stop.

I promised to tailor my jokes.

you need to set the bar high.

"If it had less, it would be called a threek!"

Here's a petition to the dad jokes community:

If a joke is NSFW, no matter how lame the pun, it should not qualify as a dad joke.

At most, it is an uncle joke.

Dad jokes are always puns, sometimes laboured ones, but we should be able to tell them to our children irrespective of their age!

They charged him with disturbing the peas.

GP: What’s your date of birth?

Son: June 14th

GP: Which year?

Son: Every year…

I told her it's because I'm bringing peas to the middle-east

She had a blast!

When my wife came to, I told her.

She was okay with the name José

But wasn't too thrilled I named the second boy, Jos-B

It's called Miss Steaks.

Well I think she should look at the bigger picture.

His face lit up and he asked "really?"

"Yeah, the follow-ups to Ragnarok: Ragnapaper and Ragnascissors."

He is currently not speaking to me.

Their Sorry now

My wife hit the roof.

I was kicked out when I reminded him that people in this country have the right to bare arms.

“I don’t know, Iraq is a pretty big country. I don’t know if we could afford that.”

We settled on The controlling stones

The employee replied, “that’s why you’re sitting.”

My wife says we're now an hare b&b.

Her: Oh no. Is she in a coma?

Me: No. A semicolon.

I told him people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.

My wife: huh, I wonder what they’re going to sell it for.

Me: Probably money.

Oof.

"So, Katie," said the stylist as the little girl got up in the chair, "who’s coming to your house this weekend with big ears and floppy feet?"

Katie replied, "I think it’s my Uncle Brian."

It seems like everybody has a Nickname.

She responds, “well, Kelly’s husband Mike fixes those things but he’s pretty tall.”

[Post removed]

It was a booby trap.

"I'd like a little brother," Tommy said.

"Oh my, that's such a big wish," said my wife “ Why do you want a little brother?"

"Well," said Tommy “there's only so much I can blame on the dog.

It's a big undertaking.

I thought that was just basic knowledge

It was a sea quell.

They appreciate the transparency of our business