Oven mitts make hands immune to heat.

At least to a certain degree.

(first post here. thought of this while making a hot pocket)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shockedcandy614
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2020
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When grizzlies bake pies they don’t use oven mitts, they use their bear hands.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KarateChop231
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2019
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Well. After many years I have decided to change my gamer tag to glove.

I just think it’s catchy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lolboonesfarm
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2020
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No more puns for today, this guy already won. imgur.com/44tXxcf
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Oceloctopus
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2018
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My Jewish friend got his son the best 13th birthday gift.

So his son plays baseball and his mitt was in rough condition. They make these little boxes for baseball mitts that put out heat, humidity, and massage the mitt slightly to keep it in good condition. They're pretty small and can fit on a kitchen counter top. It's best to keep them near the sink to refill the water reservoir when it gets low. It's helpful if it's like right above the sink. My friend had put his on the bar behind the sink.

It was seriously the nicest bar mitt spa I had ever seen!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AJordanCarroll
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2019
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My son collects baseball memorabilia, so I got him a vintage Yogi Berra glove for his birthday.

He thought it was fake, but I assured him it's legit a mitt.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FunnyID
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2019
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Nihilist Dad Jokes

Why did the scarecrow win a prize? Because he stood alone in his field! He stood there for years, rotting, until he was forgotten.

I tell my kids, you’re allowed to watch the TV all you want… Just don’t turn it on! This way they will begin to understand the futility of all things.

How does a penguin build a house? Igloos it together. Like all animals, it is an automaton, driven by blind genetic imperative, marching slowly to oblivion.

Why don’t skeletons go trick or treating? They have no body to go with them! The skeletons are like us: alone, empty, dead already.

I don’t really like playing soccer. I just do it for kicks! Like all of humanity, I pretend to enjoy things, and others pretend to care about my charade.

You hear about the moon restaurant? Good food, no atmosphere! If you eat there, you forfeit your life, which would make no difference to the universe as a whole.

Why did the blonde focus on an orange juice container? It said concentrate! She realized that society’s depictions of her were like the juice: formulaic, insipid, fake.

My wife told me to put the cat out. I didn’t know it was on fire! By the time I could act, it was incinerated, a harbinger of the path we all must take.

How come the invisible man wasn’t offered a job? They just couldn’t see him doing it! This man stands for all of us: unseen, misunderstood, irrelevant.

Today I gave away my old batteries… Free of charge! No one wanted them, so I became angry and threw them in the yard. The battery acid now leaks into the soil, killing a colony of ants. A sparrow eats their bodies and is poisoned. Somewhere in the Serengeti, a lion devours his rival’s cubs. Then the lion is shot by a poacher and sold to an unloved rich man whose father was an unloved rich man. In five billion years, the Sun will become a bloated giant, boiling the oceans and consuming our pointless cruelties with flames. I wake sweat-drenched and screaming, staring at the visage of a faceless god. β€œWHAT HAVE I DONE?! HOW COULD I BRING A CHILD INTO THIS WORLD!?” But this god, like all gods, is nothingβ€”just my son’s Wilson baseball mitt, sitting on my dresser, mocking me.

Will February March? No, but April May! Soon we become ash, and time forgets us.

Source: https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/nihilist-dad-jokes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vorschlaghammer
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2019
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When they give out baseball gloves at the stadium, they play some pretty great tunes because...

...there's good rocking at Mitt Night.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mmrtnt
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2018
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Got dadjoked by a co-worker today...

So we were having a discussion about a TV show we'd both watched recently, debating meanings...

Me: Look, you must admit--

Him: Don't call me a mustard mitt

I couldn't stop laughing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Almarrio
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2016
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Wife got me while playing Fallout

Me: What?! Why does the ghoul have an oven mitt?

Her: Must've been the ghost peppers!

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πŸ“…︎ May 31 2016
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My brother is well on his way

I bought my dad a giant novelty oven mitt shaped like Spock's hand. My brother picks it up and says, while quietly laughing to himself:

"live long and pasta"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/daveyyyyy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2013
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In the public restroom...

My dad (57) and I (17) were washing our hands after taking care of business in the public restroom of our local grocery store. The sinks were automatic, the kind you don't have to touch. After wetting my hands and getting some soap, my sink shut off and his kept running. I could not get mine to turn back on as he rinsed his mitts. As I struggle to get it back on by waving my hands my dad grabs some paper towel and looks at me with the most serious expression and he says "Ever feel like you're... Invisible?" Then giggles like a schoolgirl out the door.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SergeantSwordfish
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2015
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Dadjoked this morning. Cue sporadic fits of laughter.

Me: I feel bad for Mitt Romney. Mitt is such a stupid name. What kind of parent names their kid Mitt?

Dad: Well gee, I think it fits like a glove!

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2014
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