Do you realize that if you are sitting on the toilet at 11:59PM, and the clock strikes midnight
Itβs same shit, different day.
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︎ Mar 20 2023
At midnight, a sentient bowl filled with dishes knocked on my door.
Having just woken up, it took me a while to let that sink in.
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︎ Mar 31 2023
You know what they say, if you can't spot the fool by midnight...
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︎ Apr 02 2023
What did Paul Revere say at the end of the Midnight Ride?
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︎ Feb 13 2023
Before the clock strikes midnight on Dec. 31 be sure to lift your left leg.
That way youβll start off the new year on the right foot.
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︎ Jan 01 2023
Jokes posted at night on this sub are always downvoted.
I guess this isnβt the place for dark humor.
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︎ Apr 09 2023
What did Adam say at midnight the first New Year?
βHappy New Years, Eve.β
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︎ Dec 31 2022
Make sure to poop before midnight on 31st December
You don't want to hold on to previous year's shit.
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︎ Dec 31 2022
Which Russians canβt be fed after midnight?
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︎ Dec 24 2022
So my daughter went on her 1st date.. I say to the young man "I WANT HER HOME BY MIDNIGHT
He Replies: But Sir Don't You Already Own Her House
Dum Dum Tssss
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︎ Jun 03 2022
I snuck downstairs to make pancakes at midnight last night
It took a couple hours and I didnβt want to wake anyone going back up. I stuck some pancakes to my feet and crepΓ¨d back up the stairs.
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︎ Aug 26 2022
I'm scared of female horses after sunset.....
Because it's a nightmare π
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︎ Mar 08 2023
Who's the nicest person in a hospital?
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︎ Nov 26 2022
FIRST DATE: Her dad: "I want her home before midnight."
Me: "But you already own her home."
Dad: -turning to daughter- "If you don't sleep with him, I will."
Credit to u/psybermonkey15
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︎ Sep 16 2020
My uncle was born right at midnight, and he died right at midnight.
He lived every day to the fullest.
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︎ Jul 17 2022
three old men were having a conversation
1st old guy: I get up at 6am everyday and go pee like a racehorse
2nd old fella : I get up at 5am everyday and take a healthy dump
3rd geriatric: I take a huge dump at 6am and a massive whizz at 6:30 am , but I dont wake up till 7am
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︎ Feb 06 2023
The lead singer of Dexyβs was asked why he was limping on stage
Offended, He responded βCome on, I lean.β
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︎ Jan 14 2023
Ugh, as soon as it strikes midnight on Saturday I start to feel sick.
It must be my weekend immune system.
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︎ May 07 2022
What time does trick or treating stop?
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︎ Nov 02 2022
Remember to poop before midnight tomorrow.
You don't want to be carrying the same shit into the next year.
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︎ Jan 01 2022
Did you know that God spoke to Luke the Evangelist to write the Gospel at midnight?
Luke asked "Who's there?"
God: "Luke, I am your Father."
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︎ Apr 29 2022
What did one cow say to another cow at midnight on New Years eve?
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︎ Jan 25 2022
I stayed up well past midnight shouting the magic words to turn myself into a pony
It only worked partially. I woke up this morning, and now my throatβs a little hoarse!
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︎ May 16 2022
Yesterday, I ate a clock
And it was very time-consuming
.
.
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.
.
.
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.
.
.
.
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.
.
Especially when I went back for Seconds
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︎ Sep 19 2022
Always be aware of your surroundings. Even on your midnight toilet trips.
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︎ Mar 19 2021
I'm encountering some wrinkles while doing my taxes and have to smooth them out fast before midnight.
I'm glad I have TurBotox.
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︎ Apr 18 2022
Last joke in 2022
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︎ Jan 01 2023
come-o-flage
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︎ Nov 27 2022
What time did Sean Connery get to Wimbledon?
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︎ Dec 30 2022
Why did Cinderellaβs football (soccer) team always lose?
What did you expect? Her coach was a pumpkin.
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︎ Dec 26 2022
My teenage son wants me to start paying him to do his homework, clean his room, and come home before midnight.
But I donβt see why I should pay him for being good. When I was his age I was good for nothing!
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︎ Dec 03 2021
It's two minutes past midnight on January the 1st and I just stubbed my toe
Worst year of my life so far
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︎ Jan 02 2022
Invitation to All Jokers
I'm starting a new subReddit for all things TIME TRAVEL. We'll be holding a meeting with some FREE giveaways and introduction to the mods. Try to make it for a live session:
Last Thursday at 8pm EST
OR
April 1, 1999 at midnight.
It was wonderful to see you there.
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︎ Jan 21 2023
At the strike of midnight tonight the Alphabet is going to change.......
Because there is NOEL.
Merry Christmas everyone.
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︎ Dec 25 2021
I told a joke about midnight, but nobody laughed.
.
I guess they just donβt like dark humor.
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︎ Oct 22 2021
What do you call a midnight coffee craving?
Latte (β Ν‘Β° ΝΚ Ν‘Β°)β
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︎ Sep 06 2021
Every year at midnight I lift my left leg
So I can start the year off on the right foot
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︎ Jan 01 2023
Today is New Year's Eve, so just before midnight don't forget to raise your left leg
So that you start off the New Year on the right foot.
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︎ Dec 31 2022
Before the clock strikes midnight, raise your left leg.
That way you'll start the new year off on the right foot.
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︎ Dec 31 2022
Before the clock strikes midnight, make sure you are lifting up your left leg.
That way, you start the year off on the right foot.
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︎ Dec 31 2021
Right before the clock strikes midnight on the 31st...
Make sure to raise your left leg, that way you'll start the year off on ther right foot.
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︎ Dec 31 2021
I was sitting on the toilet at 11:59 and the clock struck midnight...
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︎ Aug 11 2018
Before the clock strikes midnight on december 31st be sure to lift your left leg
That way you will start off the new year on the right foot
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︎ Dec 29 2020
Everyone, remember to lift your left leg at midnight
So that we can all start the new year on the right foot
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︎ Dec 31 2021
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