I saw an ambulance with the lights on at the local mechanics today.

Guess they needed an emergency service.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Darksteel_
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
🚨︎ report
Why are KKK members terrible car mechanics?

They never check under the hood.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/morsodo99
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the mechanic who fell asleep under the car?

He woke up oily in the morning

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GitShiggles
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
🚨︎ report
What do a mechanic and a lesbian have in common?

Snap-On tools!

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thirteen_20
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a Turkish car mechanic?

Automan

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mahamsoomro
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
🚨︎ report
The rather oppressive female mechanic was trying to sell me 5 new manual transmissions

Luckily, I managed to escape her clutches.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jnolife
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Mechanic: You should give your car a spoiler to improve its handling.

Me: Iron Man dies at the end.

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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I'm going to have to fire my mechanic. He's always losing track of time.

And "Temporal Mechanics" is a dumb name for a company anyway.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Toadfinger
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
🚨︎ report
If your vehicle breaks down in California, make sure your mechanic uses the state flag to check your oil ...

Then you'll get a "Super Cali-Flagger Dipstick Expert Diagnosis"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LordCinko
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
🚨︎ report
The mechanic told me that he fixed the elevator

That was uplifting news

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrQuackalotOWO
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
🚨︎ report
My mechanic tells me my engine keeps stalling because of excess friction.

Now I know I'm getting some wear.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DavideoandPhoto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I would tell a joke about quantum mechanics...

But if you saw it, it wouldn't be as good

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/djbodford1
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2020
🚨︎ report
My mechanic said there was nothing wrong with my...
πŸ‘︎ 102
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πŸ‘€︎ u/swion
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked my mechanic why everyone made fun of what was on my wheel

He said "It's a tire."

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NetScr1be
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
🚨︎ report
What fish makes the best mechanic?

TunerFish! My son came up with that one yesterday, future smart ass dad in training.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/v650
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I brought my car to a mechanic and asked him, β€œDo you have any idea why my car is humming?”

He replied, β€œProbably because it doesn’t know all the lyrics.”

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2020
🚨︎ report
A Penguin sent his car off to the mechanic before going to the ice cream shop...

He ordered vanilla ice cream and gobbles it down before going back to the mechanic.

Mechanic: It looks like you blew a seal.

Penguin: Ah no that’s just ice cream.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JalepenoPeppers
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I like the uniform mechanics wear...

Overall.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EmperorOfFabulous
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2020
🚨︎ report
What is a mechanic's wet dream

MΓΆtorhead

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SebastianLi1
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the mechanic that got addicted to drinking brake fluid?

He said he could stop any time he wants.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kerlandays
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you call a group of mechanics?

Carmen. I'll show myself out.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chaisz3r0
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Worst movie title idea - Temporal Mechanics:

The Early Years.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Toadfinger
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
🚨︎ report
A mechanic fell asleep and was crushed when another mechanic didn’t see him and lowered the lift. Cause of death? He was tire’d.
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tigreye007
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
🚨︎ report
What does a mechanic do after a one night stand?

He nuts and bolts.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Is_A_Healer
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2018
🚨︎ report
An old car was asked by a mechanic if it wanted its wheels replaced...

It replied "no thanks, I've just retired."

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mindyourtongueboi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Queentum mechanics.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EkskiuTwentyTwo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2019
🚨︎ report
I just picked up my car from the mechanic...

I’d love to say they did a good job, but it feels like it’s really braking.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PHPWarrior
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2019
🚨︎ report
I saw a mechanic fixing the tailpipe of a car

It looked exhausting

πŸ‘︎ 55
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bettercallbert
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Hear about the mute bicycle mechanic?

Hear about the mute bicycle mechanic?

He picked up a wheel and spoke πŸ˜‚

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πŸ‘€︎ u/__MrJ__
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2019
🚨︎ report
My father, the elevator mechanic

My father has been working as an elevator mechanic most of his life. Whenever people ask him how work is going he says "It has its ups and downs" Hes been making this joke for 27 years

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lancerfan55
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2014
🚨︎ report
Understanding Quantum Mechanics is both a blessing and a curse.
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DisRuptive1
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2018
🚨︎ report
Why do dad jokes about quantum mechanics never work?

You cant know if theres a punch line or a punch wave

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Innarhythm
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2019
🚨︎ report
What does the sex hungry mechanic do in the bedroom?

He nuts and bolts

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spider_Dimwit
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2019
🚨︎ report
In my life I've been a maintenance mechanic, a make-up artist, a media director, a mender, a metre inspector, a microcomputer support specialist, a mill helper, a mirror installer, a music librarian and a mortician investigator.

That's my Mployment record.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Two mechanics were making small talk about what happens when an engine is running but the car is in park.

You know, just some idle banter.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Laymans_Terms19
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2019
🚨︎ report
My dad is a hilarious mechanic

Dad: I have a coworker who is addicted to drinking brake fluid.

Me: Really?

Dad: Yeah, he says he can stop anytime.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/coldspagheti
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2013
🚨︎ report
What do you call a mechanic that does nothing but sit by the sofa?

An ottoman

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/craigilla
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2018
🚨︎ report
My granddad has become a car mechanic again.

I never knew this is what he meant when he said he was retiring.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2018
🚨︎ report
You know what bugs me about quantum mechanics?

They charge $500 to "fix" a bunch of stuff that probably wasn't even really wrong with your atom in the first place.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MathAndMirth
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2018
🚨︎ report
I wonder if the mechanics at the Honda dealership had to take a Civics lesson...
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lewd-roth-sama
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2018
🚨︎ report
Did I ever tell you about the hard-working mechanic who had to push his car five miles on its hubcaps?

He was tireless.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SSV_Kearsarge
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2017
🚨︎ report
Why did the Chicken take its vehicle to, the mechanic?

Bad strut.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CommaHorror
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2018
🚨︎ report
Whats an italian car mechanic's favorite food?

Car-patch-io

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DaBarrelBoss
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2018
🚨︎ report
When you're in California, make sure your mechanic uses a state flag to check your oil.

Then you'll get a "Super Cali-Flagger Dipstick Expert Diagnosis."

Edit: Thanks for the Platinum stranger! Wow!

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PotBuzz
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2019
🚨︎ report

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