I saw an ambulance with the lights on at the local mechanics today.
Guess they needed an emergency service.
Why are KKK members terrible car mechanics?
They never check under the hood.
Did you hear about the mechanic who fell asleep under the car?
He woke up oily in the morning
What do a mechanic and a lesbian have in common?
What do you call a Turkish car mechanic?
The rather oppressive female mechanic was trying to sell me 5 new manual transmissions
Luckily, I managed to escape her clutches.
Mechanic: You should give your car a spoiler to improve its handling.
Me: Iron Man dies at the end.
I'm going to have to fire my mechanic. He's always losing track of time.
And "Temporal Mechanics" is a dumb name for a company anyway.
If your vehicle breaks down in California, make sure your mechanic uses the state flag to check your oil ...
Then you'll get a "Super Cali-Flagger Dipstick Expert Diagnosis"
The mechanic told me that he fixed the elevator
My mechanic tells me my engine keeps stalling because of excess friction.
Now I know I'm getting some wear.
I would tell a joke about quantum mechanics...
But if you saw it, it wouldn't be as good
My mechanic said there was nothing wrong with my...
I asked my mechanic why everyone made fun of what was on my wheel
What fish makes the best mechanic?
TunerFish!
My son came up with that one yesterday, future smart ass dad in training.
I brought my car to a mechanic and asked him, “Do you have any idea why my car is humming?”
He replied, “Probably because it doesn’t know all the lyrics.”
A Penguin sent his car off to the mechanic before going to the ice cream shop...
He ordered vanilla ice cream and gobbles it down before going back to the mechanic.
Mechanic: It looks like you blew a seal.
Penguin: Ah no that’s just ice cream.
I like the uniform mechanics wear...
What is a mechanic's wet dream
Did you hear about the mechanic that got addicted to drinking brake fluid?
He said he could stop any time he wants.
How do you call a group of mechanics?
Carmen. I'll show myself out.
Worst movie title idea - Temporal Mechanics:
A mechanic fell asleep and was crushed when another mechanic didn’t see him and lowered the lift. Cause of death? He was tire’d.
What does a mechanic do after a one night stand?
An old car was asked by a mechanic if it wanted its wheels replaced...
It replied "no thanks, I've just retired."
I just picked up my car from the mechanic...
I’d love to say they did a good job, but it feels like it’s really braking.
I saw a mechanic fixing the tailpipe of a car
Hear about the mute bicycle mechanic?
Hear about the mute bicycle mechanic?
He picked up a wheel and spoke 😂
My father, the elevator mechanic
My father has been working as an elevator mechanic most of his life. Whenever people ask him how work is going he says "It has its ups and downs"
Hes been making this joke for 27 years
Understanding Quantum Mechanics is both a blessing and a curse.
Why do dad jokes about quantum mechanics never work?
You cant know if theres a punch line or a punch wave
What does the sex hungry mechanic do in the bedroom?
In my life I've been a maintenance mechanic, a make-up artist, a media director, a mender, a metre inspector, a microcomputer support specialist, a mill helper, a mirror installer, a music librarian and a mortician investigator.
That's my Mployment record.
Two mechanics were making small talk about what happens when an engine is running but the car is in park.
You know, just some idle banter.
My dad is a hilarious mechanic
Dad: I have a coworker who is addicted to drinking brake fluid.
Me: Really?
Dad: Yeah, he says he can stop anytime.
What do you call a mechanic that does nothing but sit by the sofa?
My granddad has become a car mechanic again.
I never knew this is what he meant when he said he was retiring.
You know what bugs me about quantum mechanics?
They charge $500 to "fix" a bunch of stuff that probably wasn't even really wrong with your atom in the first place.
I wonder if the mechanics at the Honda dealership had to take a Civics lesson...
Did I ever tell you about the hard-working mechanic who had to push his car five miles on its hubcaps?
Why did the Chicken take its vehicle to, the mechanic?
Whats an italian car mechanic's favorite food?
When you're in California, make sure your mechanic uses a state flag to check your oil.
Then you'll get a "Super Cali-Flagger Dipstick Expert Diagnosis."
Edit: Thanks for the Platinum stranger! Wow!
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