Meetball with the mic drop!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RajuNeupane
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
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Barse... *taps mic "Is this thing on?"
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Biddy_Bear
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
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What did the ska band say when they threw their mic on the ground?

pickitup pickitup pickitup!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Binksamus
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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Open mic
πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/forever_rookie
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2020
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*tap tap* Mic check
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BassheadGamer
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2019
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Mic drop
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Waddah_
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
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So I told my dad I needed a new computer mic

He then said, β€œwhat about a computer bob or a computer Phil? How about a computer dan?”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LeSpeedBump
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2018
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I went on stage during an open mic night. Everyone laughed at me! It was so embarrassing

That’s the last time I do stand-up!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/What-a-rush
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2019
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I’ve heard today is International Mic Check day.

1,2....1,2.....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/slimb0yslim
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2018
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What did the mic checker say to his girlfriend after she told him that he's her 'one'?

You're my one two, one two

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CosmicJoker96
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2018
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"Hot mic."

My wife, in-laws and I have a guest family on board our boat, fishing. It's part of a charity event.

Someone comes over the radio, "someone has a hot mic," meaning someones radio is unintentionally broadcasting.

I sprang into my action, because well, my name is Mike.

I looked at my wife who's across the boat, and so everyone can hear, "You have a hot Mike!"

My wife gave me a dirty look, my father-in-law​ laughed. Success.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MickCJ
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2017
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My partner bailed on me at open mic night...

Me: "This next song was written for two people, but since my partner couldn't make it I'll just have to duet alone."

Crowd: collective groan

The entire crowd rolled their eyes together, but at least I played well!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/evansdead
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2014
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Happy Mic Check Day!

1-2, 1-2 ....1-4??

(12/12/14)

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WaxyPadlockJazz
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2014
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Why does Waldo always wear stripes?

Because he doesn't want to be spotted.

πŸ‘︎ 629
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πŸ‘€︎ u/timthedriller
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
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Now that I’m officially a dad I have my first good joke. Me and my wife are driving down the road and a bug splats the window.

I turn to her and say β€œI bet he don’t have the guts to do that again”

Edit: holy shit y’all this blew up. Thank you master dads. I feel worthy

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnpowers99
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2020
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Testing talent show equipment
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The1WithNumbers
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2020
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Is your name Michael? Yes or No?

Thank you for your participation.

I'm doing a Mike Check.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
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I’m at my school talent show and this guy said...

β€œbefore I start, I would like to check if my mic is working..” β€œif your name is Michael, please stand up”

then a couple of guys stand up and he goes

β€œthat concludes my mike check”

(I saw this tweet and just had to share it!) Click here for credit

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
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It’s probably not safe for me to be driving this car right now.

But hey, bad brakes have never stopped me before.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2019
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Seminars
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/adrian1920
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2019
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So my wife...

Was trying to figure out how to use her new iPhone to shoot photos at night using night mode. She gave me the phone and said, here figure this out. I took the phone and pushed one button, and voila, night mode. She looks at me at this point and says, how did you know that would work? My reply...

I don’t know, I was just taking a shot in the dark.

Mic drop.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/velopike
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
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Recent studies show Earth’s magnetic field is weakening.

Current events make it less attractive.

All hail The Double Pun. Mic drop

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πŸ‘€︎ u/holymolybreath
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
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Ohm my!!
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dankmonseiur69
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2017
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A pun walks into a bar, ten people die on the spot.

Pun in, ten dead

Edit: The police quickly arrived at the scene, surrounding the bar. The pun was trapped in the bar but it decided to hold on and have a shoot out with the police instead of surrendering. Sadly, the pun was shot. He was pun out dead at the scene.

Edit: Nobody attended the puns funeral, they all at ten ded.

-Mic drop-

Edit: Wasn’t that a killer pun?

Edit: Unfortunately I told about 10 puns before this one. Did any of them land? No. No pun in ten did.

(Credit To killsforsporks and TLo137 for the last 2 edits)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fanthom12
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2019
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I have a Polish friend who has a job as a sound engineer...

I have a Czech one too...

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2017
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What did Mike Bloomberg do after the speech on dropping out of the presidential race?

Mic drop

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyjarvis
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2020
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I just saw Charlie Chaplin and Marcel Marceau throwing a microphone into the sea.

I guess it's true what they say: Great mimes sink a mic.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jacknutting
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2020
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What would earth be without art?

It's eh.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yeezy_Reborn
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2019
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'Wanna hear something dodgy?' asked my girlfriend with an air of uncertainty.

I said, 'Sure.'

She sighed.

'I saw you and your ex studying Pythagoras' theorem in the library.'

'Oh, you did?' I asked.

She paused. 'So, how do you explain that?'

'Easily,' I replied. 'It's when the square on the hypotenuse of a right-angled triangle is equal to the sum of the squares on the other two sides.'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2019
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My friend doesn't speak broke since he got airpods for Christmas...

But his mic do.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoftNeko_Jolly
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2019
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I've decided to join the autopsy club...

Wednesday is open mic night.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BrainHurty47
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2019
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What if there were no hypothetical questions?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/coot32
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2018
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No kids yet, but I have the dad joke thing down.

My fiancee and I just found out there is asbestos in our apartment. My mom texted me and asked how I was doing after she found out. I texted back "were doing asbestos we can."

drops mic exits stage left

Edit: corrected spelling of fiancee because I am a heterosexual male.

Edit: holy shit this thread is spreading like cancer.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mintty92
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2015
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Please help me think of some good puns about pandas

No bamboozle.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/smhanna
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2018
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Paging

I hope this is the proper venue for this post. If not, feel free to delete me.

This came from when I was doing production lighting. Every once in a while during concert setup the audio tech would need help with mic check. Now the "real" audio guys would always just stand there going "check check check one two". Me being not a real audio guy wanted to have more fun than that, so I would always do "pages" as if I was paging people. But I would use these assumed names. Here is a partial list of names I would use. If you look closely you might notice a familiar u/name or two.

Paging Mister Lobbla … Mister Bob Lobbla (from Arrested Development)

Paging Mister Vitoomey … Mister Lee Vitoomey

Paging Mister Frescoe … Mister Al Frescoe

Paging Miss Haivure … Miss Bee Haivure

Paging Miss Mitch … Miss Miranda Mitch (my random itch - from The Mick?)

Paging Miss Dactyl … Miss Tara Dactyl

Paging Miss Falactec … Miss Anna Falactec

Paging Miss Tonin … Miss Sarah Tonin

Paging Mister Zinette … Mister Ray Zinnette

Paging Mister Reader … Mister Chip Reader

Paging Miss Kiaki … Miss Sue Kiaki

Paging Mister Doffish … Mister Stan Doffish

Paging Mister Debank … Mister Robin Debank

Paging Mister Festo … Mister Manny Festo

Paging Mister Ifornia … Mister Cal Ifornia

Paging Mister Itosis … Mister Hal Itosis

Paging Mister Saroni … Mister Rye Saroni

Paging Mister Nasium … Mister Jim Nasium

Paging Mister Aroon … Mister Mac Aroon

Paging Miss Ester … Miss Polly Ester

Paging Miss Rexia … Miss Anna Rexia

Paging Mister Zapan … Mister Pete Zapan

Paging Mister Tenuff … Mister Jess Tenuff

Paging Miss Eous … Miss Elaine Eous

Paging Mister Aroni … Mister Mac Aroni

Paging Mister Preneur … Mister Andre Preneur

Paging Mister Cetera … Mister Ed Cetera

Paging Mr. Zapple … Mr. Adam Zapple

Paging Mr. Bino … Mr. Al Bino

Paging Miss Slapter … Miss Ida Slapter

Paging Miss Talia … Miss Jenna Talia

Paging Mr. Rafone … Mr. Mike Rafone

Paging Mr. Zark … Mr. Noah Zark

Paging Miss Yoki … Miss Carey Yoki

Paging Mr. Foolery … Mr. Tom Foolery

Paging Mr. Atric … Mr. Jerry Atric

Paging Mr. Duttank … Mr. Phillip Duttank

Paging Mr. Anoma … Mr. Mel Anoma

Paging Mister Jass … Mr. Hugh Jass

Paging Mr. Onella … Mr. Sam Onella

Paging Mr. Maphobe … Mr. Jer Maphobe

Paging Mr. Packa … Mr. Al Packa

Paging Mister Dente … Mister Al Dente

Paging Miss Conda … Miss Anna Conda

Paging Miss Sharalike … Miss Sharon Sharalike

Paging Miss Bellum … Miss Sarah Bellum

Paging Miss Mennopey … Miss

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RayZinnet
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2018
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What do you call a sound recorder that exploded?

A boom mic.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SBSisUnique
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2018
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Stairs, jinky fellas

Last night my dad fell down the stairs and broke his hip. Mom took him to the ER and I met them there. The nurse comes in to ask what happen and my dad explained he tripped going up the stairs. Nurse tries to joke that β€œstairs are jinky fellas always trying to trip people” to which I relied β€œyup, can’t trust β€˜um, they are always up to something”.

-mic drop

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gusthemouse
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2019
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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on stage with the band?

Mic.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/big_macaroons
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2018
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I was sitting in traffic this morning when I noticed the guy in the car next to me was playing an electric guitar.

On the other side was someone doing the same, and behind me was a person on a full drum kit. In the car in front was a guy with a mic screaming out some kind of song. None of the cars were moving, they were all just rocking out playing music. It was at that moment that I realised I was stuck in the middle of a traffic jam.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chimpocalypse
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2017
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What do you call 4 Spaniards in quicksand?

Quattro Cinco.

Drops mic

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fureels
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2015
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What do you call a frozen terrorist?

An ISIS-icle

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheMadPrompter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2016
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I have a joke about a muffler...

But it's exhausting.

drops mic

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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_winter_storm
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2015
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According to science, the world's funniest joke, is really a Dad Joke

Here is the joke: Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed, so his friend calls 911. β€˜My friend is dead! What should I do?’ The operator replies, β€˜Calm down, sir. I can help. First make sure that he’s dead.’ There’s a silence, then a loud bang. Back on the phone, the guy says, β€˜Ok, now what?’”

Here is the article to back it up: http://www.urbo.com/content/the-worlds-funniest-joke-according-to-science

Insert Mic Drop

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dkunze
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2018
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The guacamole incident

So, this just happened last night. My son (11 years old, and a true lover of dad jokes) is not presently speaking to me.

After i just finished cutting an avocado in two... Me: Shall we "halve" some avocado with dinner tonight? Huh? Huh? (Dramatically pointing to the cut produce in Vanna White style.) Son: (Unimpressed). I might take a little. Me: You might? I say you "halve two!" (Again gesturing dramatically to the two halves.) Son: groan That was TERRIBLE... But you score extra points for a double pun. Me: Av-a-cad-o million more where those came from. Mic Drop

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/roguebuckeye
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2017
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I have a Polish friend who has a job as a sound engineer.

I have a Czech one too.

πŸ‘︎ 82
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thewargingned
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2018
🚨︎ report

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