Meetball with the mic drop!
πŸ‘︎ 165
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RajuNeupane
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Mic drop
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Waddah_
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Is your name Michael? Yes or No?

Thank you for your participation.

I'm doing a Mike Check.

πŸ‘︎ 107
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
🚨︎ report
So my wife...

Was trying to figure out how to use her new iPhone to shoot photos at night using night mode. She gave me the phone and said, here figure this out. I took the phone and pushed one button, and voila, night mode. She looks at me at this point and says, how did you know that would work? My reply...

I don’t know, I was just taking a shot in the dark.

Mic drop.

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/velopike
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Recent studies show Earth’s magnetic field is weakening.

Current events make it less attractive.

All hail The Double Pun. Mic drop

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/holymolybreath
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
🚨︎ report
A pun walks into a bar, ten people die on the spot.

Pun in, ten dead

Edit: The police quickly arrived at the scene, surrounding the bar. The pun was trapped in the bar but it decided to hold on and have a shoot out with the police instead of surrendering. Sadly, the pun was shot. He was pun out dead at the scene.

Edit: Nobody attended the puns funeral, they all at ten ded.

-Mic drop-

Edit: Wasn’t that a killer pun?

Edit: Unfortunately I told about 10 puns before this one. Did any of them land? No. No pun in ten did.

(Credit To killsforsporks and TLo137 for the last 2 edits)

πŸ‘︎ 489
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Fanthom12
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2019
🚨︎ report
What did Mike Bloomberg do after the speech on dropping out of the presidential race?

Mic drop

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyjarvis
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2020
🚨︎ report
No kids yet, but I have the dad joke thing down.

My fiancee and I just found out there is asbestos in our apartment. My mom texted me and asked how I was doing after she found out. I texted back "were doing asbestos we can."

drops mic exits stage left

Edit: corrected spelling of fiancee because I am a heterosexual male.

Edit: holy shit this thread is spreading like cancer.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mintty92
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2015
🚨︎ report
Stairs, jinky fellas

Last night my dad fell down the stairs and broke his hip. Mom took him to the ER and I met them there. The nurse comes in to ask what happen and my dad explained he tripped going up the stairs. Nurse tries to joke that β€œstairs are jinky fellas always trying to trip people” to which I relied β€œyup, can’t trust β€˜um, they are always up to something”.

-mic drop

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gusthemouse
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call 4 Spaniards in quicksand?

Quattro Cinco.

Drops mic

πŸ‘︎ 229
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Fureels
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2015
🚨︎ report
I have a joke about a muffler...

But it's exhausting.

drops mic

πŸ‘︎ 162
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/the_winter_storm
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2015
🚨︎ report
According to science, the world's funniest joke, is really a Dad Joke

Here is the joke: Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed, so his friend calls 911. β€˜My friend is dead! What should I do?’ The operator replies, β€˜Calm down, sir. I can help. First make sure that he’s dead.’ There’s a silence, then a loud bang. Back on the phone, the guy says, β€˜Ok, now what?’”

Here is the article to back it up: http://www.urbo.com/content/the-worlds-funniest-joke-according-to-science

Insert Mic Drop

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dkunze
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2018
🚨︎ report
The guacamole incident

So, this just happened last night. My son (11 years old, and a true lover of dad jokes) is not presently speaking to me.

After i just finished cutting an avocado in two... Me: Shall we "halve" some avocado with dinner tonight? Huh? Huh? (Dramatically pointing to the cut produce in Vanna White style.) Son: (Unimpressed). I might take a little. Me: You might? I say you "halve two!" (Again gesturing dramatically to the two halves.) Son: groan That was TERRIBLE... But you score extra points for a double pun. Me: Av-a-cad-o million more where those came from. Mic Drop

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/roguebuckeye
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2017
🚨︎ report
This old guy comes into my job all the time with dad jokes & i have to pretend they are funny. "Can you name 3 cars that start with P?"

"So there is pontiac. Porsche. Packard.. You know what a Packard is, dont ya? Or is that a little before your time? How old are you? So you know what it is then, right?" So he sets up the joke incorrectly by not giving me a chance to name any. But to him, this joke is SO funny, there is no way to make it unfunny. ".. well none of them because they all start with gas." Then he turns and acts like he is about to walk out of the store, like he dropped the proverbial mic. So I feign a half smile & say "yep. Gas. Thats a good one."

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dazegoby
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2014
🚨︎ report
Not a dad, but I think I am prepared... Well everyone in line thought so anyway.

This starts and ends at the local coffee shop I go to on the way to work. My cashier takes my order; sausage, egg & cheese with salt, pepper, ketchup and hot sauce, on toasted rye. She taps away for a moment on the iPad POS then looks up and says "and a name for the sandwich?" to which I quickly raise my chest and proclaim "Breakfast!". To this all 6 people in the shop, including the cashier started chuckling.

[drop mic]

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fractalphony
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2015
🚨︎ report
My family was watching the rose bowl and talking about all the bowls when I out daded my dad.

Mom: "Why are there all these bowls?" Me: "because they are all out of plates."

drops mic

Edit: picks up mic

"I totally meant they are"

drops mic

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Magikarp_Is_God
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2016
🚨︎ report
Why don't ants get sick? Redux

Because they have tiny antibodies!

I dropped this joke on an unsuspecting lecture hall after an hour's worth of lecture about immune assays. The lecturer even repeated the joke and the punchline into her mic so the whole thing is recorded. I've never heard so many people groan in unison, about 150.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/greymalken
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2017
🚨︎ report
My daughter schooled her grandpa at his own game... couldn't be more proud.

So my dad thought he would try the ultimate dad joke card game with my 4 year old daughter... good old 52 card pick up!

They sit down, he gets her excited to play, he does the cards all over thing and they both laugh. My 4 year old daughter then picks up 2 cards and says "Here you go!" in a drop mic fashion and walks away to go play something else. She handed him a 5 and a 2.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SoyGreen
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2015
🚨︎ report
Got my coworkers real good today.

Coworker: Yeah, I'm eating crackers with my lunch.

I turn around ominously

Excuse me, I prefer the term saltine American. go's back to typing

The office slowly builds to uncontrollable laughter. mic drop

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Aearin
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2015
🚨︎ report
Lying Cookies

Friend: "My fortune cookie told me I'd have a good month."

Me: "Well, it's a cookie, so I suppose it was being truthful."

Friend: "Yeah, I've never heard of a lying cookie."

Me: "Unless it was a Fib Newton."

[mic drop]

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/princeimrahil
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2015
🚨︎ report
My dad truly is a Computer Scientist.

Sister: Dad, what did you get me for Christmas?
Dad: Sister, it's 2013, I got you an E-gift.
Sister: Well what was it?
Dad: Just some Bits and Bytes.

In my head Dad totally "dropped the mic" after he laid down that line.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mister_Derper
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2013
🚨︎ report
As my dad was leaving after having lunch at our house.

"Thanks for having me!"

"No Dad, thanks for having me!"

If i had a mic, i would have dropped it and walked away.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2014
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.