Hopefully good health and prosperity aren't too much to "ox" for.
Don't ox me
Thank you for coming to my TαΊΏt talk.
Mangoes to the moon
They wouldβve been lunatics.
A Moonicipality.
Dad: I'm over the moon.
Eclipse it
Eclipse it.
Iβll take that ban now
A lunar-tic.
He came down with a stellar case of lunar tics.
Lunar-tics.
One is a Sooner lemur and the other is a lunar schemer.
A lunar cycle.
What a load of lunacy.
If your onion sang hip-hop, would that be a rapscallion?
I used to be an astronaut, but I got tired of eating out of satellite dishes. I wasn't allowed to eat the Milky Way, even though I had to look at it every day. The worst thing was, I never got to visit The Space Bar. Then, when I was visiting the dark side of the moon, I was bitten by a parasite. Now, you might think it's crazy, but the doctor who removed it called it a lunar-tick.
If "womb" is pronounced "woom" and "tomb" is pronounced "toom", shouldn't "bomb" be pronounced "boom"?
China recently tested a new steroid. It basically turns you into The Hulk. The side effect is it could turn you into a crazed zombie that tends to rip the upper extremities from people. People are saying that this could be the zombie apocalypse. In my opinion, lips have nothing to do with it. I call it ARMageddon. The only way to stay safe now is to not let anyone close enough to disarm you.
I recently was going to join the railroad union. I decided against it because it's complicated. If I received instruction on driving the locomotive, would they call it engineering, or training?
I got a sad story about a flower. I don't know who the heck she pissed off, but damn, now she's a Black-Eyed Susan.
I finally figured out what makes leaves angry. Fall. They get so mad they change color. Some are yellow. They're just afraid and run from their problems. The other ones usually just leave.
I went parachuting with my military buddies once. We landed on a department store. I told him I think we're at the wrong coordinates. He said: "Nope. We're right on Target"
I asked a psychologist if Native Americans have strong emotions. He said "Oh yeah, they're intense".
If a psychotic person thought something made sense, would that thought be psychological?
If Matt Damon were searching for a secondhand store, would he be Goodwill Hunting?
My friend is a Marksman for the military. One day, he went to the armory and asked for 3 snipers. They gave him a candy bar. It was a 3 Musketeers.
I want to be there if Dwayne Johnson ever uses a pizza stone. That way I can smell what "The Rock" is cookin'.
Christopher bought a lemon, and the car broke down. Now Christopher Walken.
Have you heard about the latest bank battle on Wall Street? Capital One and Chase got in a fight and Capital One.
You know what a pirate says to his wenches when he sees the shoreline? "LAND HO!"
A man finds a lamp in the desert and dusts it off. Poof! A genie p
... keep reading on reddit β‘A lunar tick.
to which I replied "urine trouble".
A lunar-tick.
My first thought was that itβs just lunar sea
I looked at my wife and said surely if he's mooning, it's lunar powered right?
(I hope everyone understands "mooning" is when someone gets their rear end out, dunno if it's just a British term)
She utterly hates Dad jokes. This, naturally, only encourages me
So, yesterday
Me: Hey Princess! Did you hear they found some crazy insect on the moon?
Her: This is a dad joke isn't it? Please get out of my room
Me: No really. They're calling it a lunar-tic
Her: OUT!
"Now the trees are blocking the moon, instead of a lunar eclipse, it's not a tree-unar eclipse." Sigh..
Dad: So how's university? Still enjoying it?
Me: Oh yeah, last term was good but my new modules are grea-
Dad: Lunar modules?
Me: ...
It's not the sharpest of dad jokes, but my god if his persistence is certainly dad joke worthy. It's been going three years now.
