Happy Lunar New Year 2021

Hopefully good health and prosperity aren't too much to "ox" for.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ixfd64
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
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What animal is this lunar year going to be?

Don't ox me

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
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Lunar new year in Vietnam is celebrated with lion dances, dragon dances, fireworks, family gatherings and meals, ancestor worship, and giving red envelopes to children and the elderly.

Thank you for coming to my TαΊΏt talk.

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2021
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I'm looking for the story of an astronaut whose lunar Odyssey was very fruitful?

Mangoes to the moon

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shouldExist
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
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What would’ve happen if the Apollo astronauts stayed on the lunar surface for too long?

They would’ve been lunatics.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ReineDeTaBite
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
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What do you call a Lunar city district?

A Moonicipality.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/analytik
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2020
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A credit union in a Moon colony could be appropriately called Apollo Lunar Lender.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kngfbng
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2020
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Me: Dad, are you excited for the 50th anniversary of the lunar landing today???

Dad: I'm over the moon.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SarahJBP
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2019
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Lunar Eclipsis
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MashedHair
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2016
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How does the moon cut its hair?

Eclipse it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/flippantteacup
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
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How does the moon cut his hair?

Eclipse it.

I’ll take that ban now

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/archit14
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
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What do you call a man obsessed with the moon?

A lunar-tic.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hercxjo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
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Why did the cosmonaut take his dog to the vet?

He came down with a stellar case of lunar tics.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mojomofos4
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2020
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Did you know, some fleas spend their lives jumping for the moon?

Lunar-tics.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tanhauser10
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2020
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What’s the difference between an Oklahoman marsupial and a conspirator who lives on the moon?

One is a Sooner lemur and the other is a lunar schemer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tomato_soup_
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2019
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What's a werewolf's favourite mode of transport?

A lunar cycle.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/colour_of_cows
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2019
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Would you believe there are people that think there's oceans on the moon?

What a load of lunacy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ethan_Roberts123
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2018
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Pearl Harbor of puns

If your onion sang hip-hop, would that be a rapscallion?

I used to be an astronaut, but I got tired of eating out of satellite dishes. I wasn't allowed to eat the Milky Way, even though I had to look at it every day. The worst thing was, I never got to visit The Space Bar. Then, when I was visiting the dark side of the moon, I was bitten by a parasite. Now, you might think it's crazy, but the doctor who removed it called it a lunar-tick.

If "womb" is pronounced "woom" and "tomb" is pronounced "toom", shouldn't "bomb" be pronounced "boom"?

China recently tested a new steroid. It basically turns you into The Hulk. The side effect is it could turn you into a crazed zombie that tends to rip the upper extremities from people. People are saying that this could be the zombie apocalypse. In my opinion, lips have nothing to do with it. I call it ARMageddon. The only way to stay safe now is to not let anyone close enough to disarm you.

I recently was going to join the railroad union. I decided against it because it's complicated. If I received instruction on driving the locomotive, would they call it engineering, or training?

I got a sad story about a flower. I don't know who the heck she pissed off, but damn, now she's a Black-Eyed Susan.

I finally figured out what makes leaves angry. Fall. They get so mad they change color. Some are yellow. They're just afraid and run from their problems. The other ones usually just leave.

I went parachuting with my military buddies once. We landed on a department store. I told him I think we're at the wrong coordinates. He said: "Nope. We're right on Target"

I asked a psychologist if Native Americans have strong emotions. He said "Oh yeah, they're intense".

If a psychotic person thought something made sense, would that thought be psychological?

If Matt Damon were searching for a secondhand store, would he be Goodwill Hunting?

My friend is a Marksman for the military. One day, he went to the armory and asked for 3 snipers. They gave him a candy bar. It was a 3 Musketeers.

I want to be there if Dwayne Johnson ever uses a pizza stone. That way I can smell what "The Rock" is cookin'.

Christopher bought a lemon, and the car broke down. Now Christopher Walken.

Have you heard about the latest bank battle on Wall Street? Capital One and Chase got in a fight and Capital One.

You know what a pirate says to his wenches when he sees the shoreline? "LAND HO!"

A man finds a lamp in the desert and dusts it off. Poof! A genie p

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PraetorSolaris
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2019
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What do you call a conspiracy theory blood sucker that lives on the moon?

A lunar tick.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheGrimBleeper
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2019
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Last week my wife was telling me about her bladder infection

to which I replied "urine trouble".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/inspectred
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2017
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What do you call an insane bug in space?

A lunar-tick.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/century1goomba
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2018
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I couldn’t believe it when I was told that the moon controls the ocean’s tides

My first thought was that it’s just lunar sea

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πŸ‘€︎ u/egsc29
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2018
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I was walking round a shop when I noticed a mooning gnome solar powered lamp...

I looked at my wife and said surely if he's mooning, it's lunar powered right?

(I hope everyone understands "mooning" is when someone gets their rear end out, dunno if it's just a British term)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alfherin
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2017
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I delight in winding up my 12 year old daughter

She utterly hates Dad jokes. This, naturally, only encourages me

So, yesterday

Me: Hey Princess! Did you hear they found some crazy insect on the moon?

Her: This is a dad joke isn't it? Please get out of my room

Me: No really. They're calling it a lunar-tic

Her: OUT!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ginolard
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2015
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My father said this to me today during the eclipse.

"Now the trees are blocking the moon, instead of a lunar eclipse, it's not a tree-unar eclipse." Sigh..

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hiphopusa
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2015
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I'm at Uni so I'm on the phone talking to my dad about my new module choices, and everytime without fail the conversation will go like this.

Dad: So how's university? Still enjoying it?

Me: Oh yeah, last term was good but my new modules are grea-

Dad: Lunar modules?

Me: ...

It's not the sharpest of dad jokes, but my god if his persistence is certainly dad joke worthy. It's been going three years now.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChocoMcShreddy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2014
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