Dad joke orbital strike from yesterday.

Christmas dinner, 2013. My mother in law is asked if she'd like some wine, is offered choices, Pinot Grigio, Mulled Apple or Cabernet. She's indecisive for a minute or so. Eventually, she settles on the apple wine. Her father comments, "well that sure took a long time."

I retorted with, "Well, she had to mull it over for a bit."

Simultaneously, 4 generations of women roll their eyes at me, while the guys all laugh.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/microseconds
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2013
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If they launched a lot of cattle into orbit.

If they launched a lot of cattle into orbit.

It would be the herd shot ’round the world.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GreyDeck
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2021
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Space X is planning to send a bunch of cattle into orbit.

It will be the herd shot 'round the world.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OccamsBeard
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
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There’s a lot of proposals on cleaning up space in earth’s orbit from broken satellites.

Looks like they’ll need a vacuum cleaner

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πŸ‘€︎ u/A-Seabear
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
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Did you hear about that Russian space station that was de-orbited in March 2001?

Details are Mir-ky

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2020
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Some people dont know why the planets orbit around the sun...

They just don't understand the gravity of the situation.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cheezzlez
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
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Does the orbit between earth and mars of all teapots that do not contain themselves contain itself?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BossRediter87
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2018
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Why was mission control so tense when NASA launched a cow into orbit?

It was a high steaks mission.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zspratt
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2019
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I met an astronaut in Mexico who claimed to hold the record for the fastest unassisted orbit around Earth.

I'll never forget Juan Solo.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/legisleducator
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2019
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Scientists recently spent 24 hours observing the moon orbit around earth.

They got bored and called it a day.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thegur90
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
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Now that Elon Musk has launched his Tesla Roadster into orbit, why is space soon going to be full of diseases?

Because it’s no longer auto immune.

(Told to my by my actual dad. The screenshot of his text got removed from /r/funny :( )

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2018
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Where is a fish in orbit?

Trouter space

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Peterplanke1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2016
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This guy must have a lot of SPACE to make this pun
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RetroDefault
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2019
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Did you hear about the astronaut who stepped in gum?

He got stuck in Orbit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/afranc72
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
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I read Elon Musk wants to send 12 000 satellites into orbit...

If you ask me that's pretty astronomical.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Straender
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2018
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Elon Musk's Starman is not enjoying himself in orbit!

He can't find a park-in-space.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/eltegs
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2018
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What's another name for inactive satellites orbiting earth?

A waste of space.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wormri
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2017
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NASA just launched a bunch of cows into orbit...

...apparently it was the herd shot 'round the world.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeyHollywood
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2016
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Did you hear about the satellites that got married?

The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was incredible!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Datboifritz113
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2019
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How long does it take Uranus to orbit the sun?

One year.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/edragon20
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2015
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Two satelites decided to get married

The wedding wasn't much but the reception was incredible

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DeletedForSpamm
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2020
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What was the first potato to orbit the earth...

Spudnik

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TopShelfLife
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2014
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EVA stands for Extra Vehicular Activity
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pickle16
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2018
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Two NASA engineers were arguing...

Two NASA engineers were arguing over the feasibility of building a high tech satellite that could see everything, anywhere in the galaxy, by orbiting a spherical lens around a mirrored device at various ranges of orbit. An application controlling the length of the O-Range (range of orbit) would pull the lens in, then release it, and centripetal force would pull it out again. The length of the "app pull", the distance the application would pull the lens back from orbit, had to be precise to ensure proper visibility at all times.

One of the scientists argued that the math to ensure total visibility at all times did not work. Eventually, they brought in another scientist to settle the argument. After several moments reviewing the math the two scientists had done on the board, their colleague spoke out.

"It's so obvious why you two cannot come to a conclusion," he said, "you're comparing app pulls to o-ranges!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrthatsthat
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
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I heard Elon Musk is sending his personal Tesla to Mars

He is planning to leave it in a parking orbit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mellowfish
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2017
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I remember 2014 like it was yesterday.

Happy sun orbit dad jokers!

πŸ‘︎ 69
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bfreak
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2015
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Daughter was asking about planets....

... she asked me, "are any hot?"

I said, "Yes, Mercury and Venus are hot because they are so close to the sun."

She asked, "Are any cold?"

"Yes, the ones outside our orbit are cold. Mars, Jupiter and so on."

"What color are they?", she asked...

"Well, the Earth is blue and green, Mars is red because of iron, Jupiter has a cool red spot..."

"What color is Uranus?"

.... .... ....

"It's brown, and very windy."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheContrarian2
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2016
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Mystery solved

Wife: I just swept, I don't understand where all of this dog hair came from.

Me: Probably the dog.

The eye roll was likely visible from orbit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SneekyCarrot
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2016
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Told my dad about /r/dadjokes...

I was on the phone with my dad tonight and telling him about this subreddit in response to something he had said. He started spouting jokes at me like rapid fire.

Dad: You know what would happen if the bassist from Led Zeppelin went on tour with the drummer of the Beatles?

Me: I dunn-....

Dad: They'd be John Paul Jones & Ringo!! You know who the hillbilly was that discovered the Beatles?

Me: Who?

Dad: Buddy Epstein [Buddy Ebsen/Brian Epstein]!!! Who was the first Beatle to orbit the earth three times?

Me: Oh, my God...John Glennon?

Dad: See? You should post those to your forum! These are all winners, here!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SarcasticVoyage
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2013
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An astronaut stepped in gum on the moon

He's stuck in orbit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/murph1173
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2016
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