Deviled eggs
A seizure salad
A deviled egg
Because it was Frito Lay
Doug
I said no honey, I said I was into resting.
Then it dawned on me.
I said "oh yeah. I'm just floored".
I told them I was inclined to it.
Pasture bedtime
you only get one shot
... does that make you a chicken tender?
In the street
Where the heck is the ceiling?
Then I realised. Where the f*** is my roof?
Roosters don't lay eggs.
Egg rolls
I wonβt stand for this kind of treatment!
A man who lays with another man should be stoned.
Heβs outside now, looking forlornβ¦
And suddenly Iβm the idiot....
Bob.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs laying on the floor?
Matt.
If you enjoyed these throw me some cake day karma.
So he could Rest in Peas.
βMary, my wife, are you here with me?β βYes, I am, dearest.β
βAnd Louise, my mother in law, are you here with me?β βYes, I am, Paul, Iβm here with you.β
βAnd you, children, are you here, Karen and Henry?β βYes, yes we are, daddy!β βThen how the hell is the living room light left on?!β
Because if they dropped them, they'd break.
Son, thatβs ground beef
Lettuce pray
Too many dad yolks
Surrounded by his son, his twin daughters and a haggard-looking nurse who looked about ready to end it all if only she could find the bloody switch, he was finally breathing his last.
His son, who loved him dearly and wasn't at all sure if he had been cut out of the will or not, burst into tears at the plight of a man who would look more at home in a red woolly outfit than he ever could in drab, white linen.
"I do not wish to die today, Anthony", he intoned fixing his gaze slightly above his son's left shoulder, "there is something you must do to save me."
"Tell me what to do dad, I can't bear to look at you this way", cried Anthony.
"There is a land, not far from here, where no one ever dies. It is not for dying you see. That is where I must go."
"Where is this place father? Tell me, and I shall take you to it."
"Take me there now", he said faintly as if in great pain, "Take me to, The Living Room."
Underlay! Underlay!
Making them the only animals on the planet capable of whipping their own custard
At the last one
Henopause
Because my chips are so good.
Itβs called Eau De Lay He Who!
You never know when someone might jack it.
Does it have a bird's thigh view?
Iβm always checking to see if it will Everest
Ground beef
Hendecagon.
Deviled eggs
Deviled eggs
Deviled eggs
And suddenly Iβm the idiot.....
