What’s the difference between in-laws & out-laws?
I was lecturing on the criminal law concept of hot pursuit, and I asked there were any questions.
A student asked "what if you're ugly?'
As an old dad, I was befuddled for a moment before asking "did you just tell a dad joke?" She grinned, and I commissioned her as a dad on the spot.
An Astrologist and Law Enforcement Officer are on a date
Astrologist: I’m an Aries, what’s your sign?
Cop: I’m a LEO.
Due to complaints, Hawaii passed a law where you're not allowed to laugh above a certain decibel
You can only use a low ha
I heard that by law you need to turn on your headlights when it’s raining in Sweden
How the hell am I supposed to know when it’s raining in Sweden?
What’s the difference between a Rottweiler and a mother in law
Three women were on the run from the law (A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead).
Their car breaks down next to a corn field and they decide to run through it as the law is quickly approaching. They stumble upon a barn. Inside they find three burlap sacks and one of them suggests they should each hide inside one. Shortly after, the sherriff and his deputies arrive at the barn. They notice the three sacks.
The sheriff kicks the first one containing the brunette and she says "Meow, meow."
"Oh it's just a sack of kittens." One of the deputies says.
The sherriff kicks the sack where the redhead is hiding and she says "woof, woof."
"That's just a sack of puppies" they say.
The sherriff kicks the third sack with the blonde inside and she exclaims "Potato, potato."
When is it against the law to have a sick bird?
I told my wife I saw a deer on the way to work.
She said how do you know he was headed to work?
My blind brother-in-law said see you later!!
I said no you won't. (true story)
Just remembered a classic my brother-in-law dropped after my niece was born (A couple months ago)
My mother FaceTimed me so I could show her my sister and her baby
I went into my sister's room and said, "Hey mom wants to see you. Can you say a quick hello?"
Sister: Sure but just for a minute, I'm exhausted.
BIL, without dropping a beat: Hi exhausted, I'm a new dad!
Old but gold
I asked my future father-in-law for his daughter's hand in marriage.
He said I hope you take the rest of her too!!
originally posted on r/tumblr by u/MaetelofLaMetal
Did you hear about the alcoholic law student?
She couldn't pass the bar.
I caught my son chewing on an electrical cord...
so I had to ground him.
He's doing better currently.
And conducting himself properly.
The mayor in my city just passed law that male best friends have to have lunch together at least once a week
Well it’s not a law it’s a mandate
Not a joke for written context, but one you can use on your family.
You just say to your family member - "Did you hear someone in the family is part owl?"
They'll reply with "who?" And you look at them with a raised eyebrow.
Tell this joke over dinner if youd like to be the life of the party. You're welcome.
Emphasis on laundry rotation
my grandfather said this today on the dinner table and i was the only one that found it hilarious for no reason at all
G : what type of apples grow on trees ?
my dumbass : idk red and green ?
G : all of them do
wheezes
Whenever my artistic girlfriend is sad, I let her draw things on my body....
I gave her a shoulder to crayon.
I spent my entire life savings on pasta.
It was worth every penne.
There's so many bad puns on this sub' it's making me just feel numb, and don't talk about the math ones..
..they make me feel even number.
What is the difference between a outlaw and a in-law?
I gave up my seat to a blind person on the bus.
Thats how i lost my job as a bus driver
My dad wanted to post something on Reddit and I told him there’s specific subs he would want to post on and certain ways to post
And he responded “oh so there’s reddiquette to it then”
(Also he’s on Reddit now so if he sees this then hi dad)
I just found out the Mortal Kombat theme was based on something old
What do beavers like to put on their salads?
The police arrested a dog for giving birth on the street.
You've heard of Newton's laws, but have you heard of Cole's law?
I saw male wigs on sale for $1
It’s a small price toupee
A lot of the jokes on this sub are just terrible, but at the end of the day...
I told my mother-in-law there's a leek in her sink.
BREAKING NEWS: Scientists launch sneak attack on the periodic table.....
Add the element of surprise.
I asked my wife to rate my listening skills and she said, “You’re an 8 on a scale of 10.”
I still don’t get why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton...
saw a girl with a tattoo of a tree on her breast, seems like it would be painful...
I switched all the labels on my wife’s spice rack
She doesn’t know it yet, but her thyme’s cumin
Why you should knock on fridge before opening it?
Because there could be a salad dressing.
Reflecting on Prince Philip death, I was chatting with the Mrs and I said, I know I’m getting a little older, but I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.
She got up, unplugged my laptop and threw out my beer….
EDIT: Thanks for the kind awards... My first ever! ❤️
Has anyone heard of the recent Cole’s Law?
Some say coleslaw should not have Mayo...
I forgot to post this on Pi Day. Oh well! The Argyle Sweater for 3/14/21
What did you call a midget psychic on the run from the law?
I overdosed on viagra the other day
It was the hardest day of my life
This one’s on a whole new level
True story: I was a kid, watching TV in our living room. My dad was outside using the grill. All of a sudden he bursts in the door hopping on one foot yelling “I stepped on a Bee!”
I was so concerned I jumped up and ran over to him...
Earlier that day my friend and I who were really into mountain biking had been using really sticky letters to put our names on our bikes. We were working near the general area of the BBQ.
Apparently I had dropped one...
Stuck to the bottom of my dads foot was the letter B....
A legendary dad joke from a legendary dad.
Found this on r/technicallythetruth
Due to noise complaints, they passed a law in Hawaii that you’re no longer allowed to laugh above a certain decibel...
Now you can only use a low ha
I told my niece that I saw a deer on the way to work this morning.
She said, "How do you know it was on it’s way to work?”
Son: By law, you are actually required to turn on your headlights if if is raining in Sweden
Dad: Okay, but how the hell do I know if it’s raining in Sweden?
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