Random people jerking off to you is really a dick move
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/adityakr082
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Jerking off while you're high is weed wacking.
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Geekicles
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2015
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What do you call a Canadian who is kind of a jerk?

An eh-hole

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ny8ry8
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
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Some jerk pointed at the butt of an exceptionally furry donkey and asked me what it was.

I said "That's a hairy ass ass ass, ass!"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IAmHere420
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
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My complete jerk of a brother is a Karate expert, a Chef and a Lawyer!

Dad calls him "Chop Suey."

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PotBuzz
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
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What do you call a slice of pizza that’s a jerk?

A pizza-shit

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/William-Torbenson
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
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This jerk in an expensive vehicle cut me off and expected me to get out of his way.

Ambulances, I can't stand them.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wspoons5
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
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My doctor friend is addicted to hitting his patients on their knees to check their reflexes.

He really gets a kick out of it.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2020
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I entered my sons room and said, "Remember, boy, masturbating can make you go blind."

"I'm over here dad." He replied.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OliPark
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
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A ventriloquist is performing with his dummy on the lap.

He’s telling a dumb blonde joke when a young platinum haired beauty jumps to feet, β€œwhat gives you the right to stereotype blondes that way?”she demands. β€œWhat does hair color have to do with my worth as a human being?”

Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to stammer an apology

β€œYou keep out of this! She yells, β€œI’m talking to that little jerk on your knee!”

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyfortaco
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
The going rate is now 18% you Jerks!
πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RasTaGhul
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2020
🚨︎ report
What have you done when you can't jerk off anymore?

You've beaten your meat.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThunderAlex2
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2020
🚨︎ report
What happens when Po from kung fu panda acts like a jerk?

He becomes a skadouchebag

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Phail64endo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a French person being a jerk?

A douchebaguette

πŸ‘︎ 475
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yggdrasi117
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2018
🚨︎ report
Son: Dad, what is a dictator?

Dad: That’s a jerk potato.

Son: So, what’s a dictatorship?

Dad: That’s a jerk potato that owns a boat.

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dr_modean
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
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To the jerk who stole my anti-depressants today.

I hope you're happy.

πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dreamincolr
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Why are vampires always jerks?

No self reflection

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/l0RD-ZUKO
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report
I mentioned intense circle jerk Tuesdays and beans earlier
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vaginakween68
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Some jerk wouldn’t tell me the time so I clocked him.
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyeyedmcgee
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2019
🚨︎ report
What kind of ghost is known for being the biggest jerk?

A soul

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/metaqizzical
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2019
🚨︎ report
I was in a food fight at school & accidentally hit the principal with a stale cafeteria bun...

...the jerk had me charged; assault with a breadly weapon.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Some jerk said he was going to hit me with his guitar ! I said is that a fret?
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/XDADDYTHRASHERX
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Why are arabian rulers are such jerks?

Because they are dick-tators

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/benelkal
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2019
🚨︎ report
You know you’ve made a terrible joke when you make the math teacher completely lose it.

Teacher: β€œIf acceleration is constant, we get all these really nice formulas. If acceleration is not constant, the math gets messy.”

Me: β€œYou might say that for ruining the math, it’s being a jerk.”

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bobby-Bobson
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino is the biggest jerk in the world.

Sorry, I'm going off on a tan gent.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HuckChaser
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2019
🚨︎ report
I thought comedians we're jerks until i finally met one

He was a stand up guy

πŸ‘︎ 79
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PaxPaw
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you do if your friends are jerks?

You integrate them

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/verygroot1
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2019
🚨︎ report
I happen to have a pet Raven. Sometimes he's good, sometimes he's a total jerk. If I had to say something about what it's like owning one

I'd say it's got it's crows and caws.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BurningArrows
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call mean poultry?

A jerk chicken!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ggfchl
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Jerk chicken
πŸ‘︎ 87
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Randyotter
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2016
🚨︎ report
Animals Being Jerks (x-post from /r/funny)
πŸ‘︎ 197
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Paulathekoala59
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2014
🚨︎ report
What do you call a cooking battle between a Spaniard and a Jamaican

A jerk off

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NickHilbe
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2020
🚨︎ report
So my wife and I were sleeping...

And we have 2 jerk wad cats that get the zoomies nightly at around 3 am. They started chasing each other upstairs above our bedroom...

My wife: omg is there an elephant upstairs?

Me: shhhhhh....we dont talk about him.

Then I got hit with a pillow.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alastrel3000
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
🚨︎ report
When I woke up from my accident, I was shocked when the doctors told me I broke all my fingers.

It was hard to grasp.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife got really mad at me when I told her that someone from the Jamaican Spice place was looking for her.

I said, β€œThe jerk store called for you.”

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2020
🚨︎ report
So the music exec demanded we put together a band out of just fishermen and soda jerks

Apparently he wanted to churn out catchy pop songs

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jesset77
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2017
🚨︎ report
Muggers are jerks, but you have to hand it to them.
πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jimmpony
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2017
🚨︎ report
My doctor friend is addicted to hitting his patients on their knees to test their reflexes.

He really gets a kick out of it.

πŸ‘︎ 341
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2019
🚨︎ report

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