Random people jerking off to you is really a dick move
Jerking off while you're high is weed wacking.
What do you call a Canadian who is kind of a jerk?
Some jerk pointed at the butt of an exceptionally furry donkey and asked me what it was.
I said "That's a hairy ass ass ass, ass!"
My complete jerk of a brother is a Karate expert, a Chef and a Lawyer!
Dad calls him "Chop Suey."
What do you call a slice of pizza that’s a jerk?
This jerk in an expensive vehicle cut me off and expected me to get out of his way.
Ambulances, I can't stand them.
My doctor friend is addicted to hitting his patients on their knees to check their reflexes.
He really gets a kick out of it.
I entered my sons room and said, "Remember, boy, masturbating can make you go blind."
"I'm over here dad." He replied.
A ventriloquist is performing with his dummy on the lap.
He’s telling a dumb blonde joke when a young platinum haired beauty jumps to feet, “what gives you the right to stereotype blondes that way?”she demands. “What does hair color have to do with my worth as a human being?”
Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to stammer an apology
“You keep out of this! She yells, “I’m talking to that little jerk on your knee!”
The going rate is now 18% you Jerks!
What have you done when you can't jerk off anymore?
What happens when Po from kung fu panda acts like a jerk?
He becomes a skadouchebag
What do you call a French person being a jerk?
Son: Dad, what is a dictator?
Dad: That’s a jerk potato.
Son: So, what’s a dictatorship?
Dad: That’s a jerk potato that owns a boat.
To the jerk who stole my anti-depressants today.
Why are vampires always jerks?
I mentioned intense circle jerk Tuesdays and beans earlier
Some jerk wouldn’t tell me the time so I clocked him.
What kind of ghost is known for being the biggest jerk?
I was in a food fight at school & accidentally hit the principal with a stale cafeteria bun...
...the jerk had me charged; assault with a breadly weapon.
Some jerk said he was going to hit me with his guitar ! I said is that a fret?
Why are arabian rulers are such jerks?
Because they are dick-tators
You know you’ve made a terrible joke when you make the math teacher completely lose it.
Teacher: “If acceleration is constant, we get all these really nice formulas. If acceleration is not constant, the math gets messy.”
Me: “You might say that for ruining the math, it’s being a jerk.”
Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino is the biggest jerk in the world.
Sorry, I'm going off on a tan gent.
I thought comedians we're jerks until i finally met one
What do you do if your friends are jerks?
I happen to have a pet Raven. Sometimes he's good, sometimes he's a total jerk. If I had to say something about what it's like owning one
I'd say it's got it's crows and caws.
What do you call mean poultry?
Animals Being Jerks (x-post from /r/funny)
What do you call a cooking battle between a Spaniard and a Jamaican
So my wife and I were sleeping...
And we have 2 jerk wad cats that get the zoomies nightly at around 3 am. They started chasing each other upstairs above our bedroom...
My wife: omg is there an elephant upstairs?
Me: shhhhhh....we dont talk about him.
Then I got hit with a pillow.
When I woke up from my accident, I was shocked when the doctors told me I broke all my fingers.
My wife got really mad at me when I told her that someone from the Jamaican Spice place was looking for her.
I said, “The jerk store called for you.”
So the music exec demanded we put together a band out of just fishermen and soda jerks
Apparently he wanted to churn out catchy pop songs
Muggers are jerks, but you have to hand it to them.
My doctor friend is addicted to hitting his patients on their knees to test their reflexes.
He really gets a kick out of it.
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