..one of them won't be Happy.
He had a real gourd complex.
Is all fun and games until someone loses an "i".
There’s definitely a trend here, seeing as how they coincide.
Dad: Because the future is too bright, son.
Nevermind, it's an inside joke.
Well... he didn’t start out indoor skydiving... but he did land indoors.
Because they aren’t going out without a fight
"Why on earth would you have a swimming pool in your door?"
Story time : My wife and I passed an indoor trampoline park, she asked if I could see us doing that. I said, yes, and she was going to to look up reviews on the place. I told her I bet it has its ups and downs. She was not happy when she realized what I had done.
One team hits it too far up and it touches a ceiling light. I say "outside interference" and he looks at me, points at the ceiling, and says with a smile on his face and a twinkle in his eye "if anything that's an inside interference." I love my dad.
Before you let your kids get a puppy, take the Puppy Test.
Best taken in the autumn or mid winter.
- Buy a lead and tie it to a big stone, walk around dragging the stone behind you.
- Get up at 5am, go out in the pouring rain and walk up and down a muddy path, repeating good girl/boy, wee wees...poo poos, quickly please
- Stuff your pockets with plastic bags and pick up all the poo you can find, obviously not your dogs as you have not bought it yet ??
- Start wearing your shoes indoors, especially during muddy times
- Collect leaves off the ground and spread them on the floor
- Carry sticks and branches indoors and chop them up on your carpet
- Pour cold apple juice on the rug and floor....walk barefooted over it in the dark
- Drop some chocolate pudding on your carpet in the morning and then try to clean it in the evening
- Wear socks to which you have made holes using a blender
- Jump out of your favorite chair just before the movie ends and run to open the back door
- Cover all your best clothes with dog hair, dark clothes with blond hairs and light clothes with dark hairs
- Tip all just ironed clothes on the floor
- Make little pin holes in all your furniture, especially chair and table legs
- When doing dishes, splash water all over the place and don't wipe it.
- Spread toilet paper all over the house when you leave the house and tidy up when you get back home
- Forget any impulse holidays and/or breaks
- Always go straight home after work or school
- Go for walks no matter what the weather, and inspect every dirty paper, chewing gum and dead fly you might find
- Stand at your back door at five in the morning shouting, "Bring Mr Bumble and Mr Lion in, its raining.”
- Wake up at 3am. Place a correct size bag of flour on top of yourself and try to sleep, whilst wiping your face with a dishcloth, which you have left next to your bed in a bowl last week.
Repeat everyday over 6 months and if you still think getting a puppy sounds like a good idea, Congratulations, you might be ready for your kids to get your puppy.
Due to all the indoor fins.
That's why I used it indoors
Foot traffic for indoor dining is a little slow, but they do a great TAKEOUT business
I used to have a black cat named Big Guy. When I left for college, he stayed with my parents. One day I got a call from my mom and she mentioned he was missing. They hadn't seen him in a week. He was an indoor/outdoor cat and would occasionally disappear for a few days, but a whole week was unusual.
Anyway, I was bummed. I was set to visit the next week and was looking forward to seeing my cat.
I flew home and... it was weird. Now they had two cats! Both black. And Big Guy was back! But... why two cats now?
So here's the dad part. My mom started to really miss him. My dad saw this and went to the local shelters to see if anyone turned him in. He said, "After the 3rd one, I pretty much gave up."
So then my mom said, "So your father got another cat he thought looked "close enough" and tried to convince me it was Big Guy. I said, 'Have you lost it? This cat is a GIRL!'"
Then Big Guy came home.
I'll never drink indoors again. I almost gave my wife phone saying "Save your number i will call you tomorrow"
I said, I have indoor plumbing
It helps stimulate positive thinking in your brain because of all the indoor fins.
It provides you with indoor fins
a 100 meter dash.
Edit: Previously I had "60 meter dash". Turns out that was indoor sprinting and not Olympics. Fixed.
While visiting my school program for a multi-night trip, teachers asked how we would keep students dry in the rain. I talked about our classrooms and other indoor areas, and said they can easily make time to change clothes midday.
"I like to have my students change socks at lunch, hang them to dry, and then use them again the next morning. The socks still get worn 24 hours, but they have morning and afternoon socks."
One teacher got excited and agreed, pointed at her thigh, and said "These are my day jeans!"
I slowly looked around the room, making eye contact with all the teachers. "Does that make you a-" pause for effect "-day jean believer?"
The previous weekend my college age daughter told me she had slept in her car after a party.
This weekend:
Me (dad): so did you sleep in your car again?
College age daughter: No, we were a lot more comfortable than that. We slept indoors.
Me: Seems like a door would be a lot less comfortable than a car!
He tells the farmer that he wants to speak with his animals so he can check how their life there is.
The farmer reluctantly leads the inspector to the paddocks, the inspector notices some cows and approaches asking "Hello Ms Cow, how are you finding life on this farm?" The cow replied in a ventriloquistling voice, "I love my life on the farm, I get grass all day and get put indoors at night". The farmer is amazed at the sight before him.
The inspector makes his way to the duck pond and asks the ducks, "Ducks, how is your life at this farm?" The duck, like the cows reply "I love this farm, we get grain and the big pond. We love our life here".
The inspectors continues his way through the farm with the farmer in tow eventually reaching the sheep pen. As he makes his way towards the sheep the farmer quickens his pace catching the inspectors. "I have something to tell you before you chat to the sheep, THE SHEEP LIE!
Alright, I am the manager at a new vr place in our mall- and we have a wonderful foosball table that people can come in and play free. Three teenage boys come in and challenge me to a game of 2 vs. 2. As I am destroying them, with the boy next to me mostly texting, one stops and looks at me after getting his first point on our team and says "This is getting intense." I nod and look around confused, then say "Uh.. I think you are confused, we are indoors-- not in-tents."
Lets just say i was pretty proud of myself today.
I play indoor soccer with a group of guys every Thursday night at the local church. We play for fun so we have some ground rules so it doesn't get too aggressive. One of the guys went for a slide and scored a goal everyone was quite upset at this knowing we had already established that sliding, especially indoor, was not allowed. While everyone was arguing whether the goal counted or not I responded with, " I think we can let that one slide." Collective groan from many, many others allowed it.
Their indoor-fins.
Breast get indoors.
I'm driving across the country with my SO and we're stopped at a motel right now.
It has a small indoor swimming pool so I put on my boardshorts, went for a quick swim, and hung them up to dry in the shower overnight. This morning my SO saw them:
>"They dry really quickly," she said.
>"Yup, that's what boardshorts are for," I said.
>"They don't have a lot to do?"
It took me a minute. She got me good.
Last weekend, a group of friends, my girlfriend, and I were waiting in line for a concert in the city. While we were standing around, my girlfriend excitedly started pointing at a hotel a few blocks away.
"Look at the top of that building! I think that's an indoor pool on the top floor!"
Because it was hard to tell and we were bored in line, a debate started about whether it not it was actually a pool, until I stated that it was obviously a bar.
"Why do you say that?"
"Because nice hotels like to set the bar high."
I've never been prouder to make a group of people groan.
... and it's cold and I want to go inside, so I start suggesting indoor pictures.
Me: "Let's take a picture by the fireplace. Or the piano."
Dad: "How would we get the piano out here? Think, son!"
Me: ...
Dad: [laughs uproariously at self]
Wife talking about a mutual friend who we didn't see for a while.
Wife: I just saw Noor he's back at work now. He was on vacation in Indonesia.
Me: How was his trip?
Wife: He said not good as it rained the whole time.
Me: So he vacationed in Indoor-nesia?
Wife: not impressed
On a long car ride to the shore, I had to tell my younger brother to use his indoor voice to which he responded that we aren't indoors. My sister proceeded to count "1...2...3...4!" and said, "What are you talking about, we're inside the car and it has four doors." I made sure to let her know how proud I was of her and that I was happy someone other than myself made a dad joke.
Whenever I am indoors lets say in an office and someone thinks the A/C is not working or it needs to be turned down I may be asked "Are you hot?"
My reply... "Well, i'd like to think so!"
Dad: What? I thought we were indoors?
I volunteer with Jr. High kids and Highschoolers on Wednesday nights. This week we decided to play some indoor soccer, so we took out the soccer nets that we had stored. I see them and walk over to a group of volunteer girls and ask, "Hey, do you want to see our organization's goals?" while pointing at the soccer nets. They all groaned while I walked away laughing and proud of my joke.
Dad and I would be innocently walking around the food store and happen upon the prepared foods aisle when he would notice the Hamburger Helper boxes. He'd laugh to himself, just thinking about the lame joke he always tells before it even comes out of his mouth.
"What do you call a masturbating cow?!"
Normally the way a joke works is you wait for someone to interact with you, answer your question or at least acknowledge that you're telling a joke - not my dad. He yells at himself at the top of his lungs.
"BEEF STROGANOFF!! ...MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"
Really loudly. Way louder than any person should ever speak indoors. ..I miss him.
My wife and I bought our daughter two different tents for her birthday, which was yesterday. One is for camping and one is for indoor play. She asked, "Why two tents, Daddy?" I replied, ""Oh, work has me stressed out."
All the indoor fins.
...of the indoor fins...
Due to all the indoor fins.
because of the indoor fins.
Due to all the indoor fins.
they have indoor-fins
