Indoor fins
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bloodywolfeyes
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
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Dining indoors is still sketchy
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πŸ‘€︎ u/frostybunz
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
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What do you call an indoor plant?

An intro-vert

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
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Ireland has just introduced a maximum six person indoors rule. Where will that leave the seven dwarves..?

..one of them won't be Happy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
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My Uncle had an indoor pumpkin farm.

He had a real gourd complex.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ska_For_Brains
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
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My kids have taken to playing indoor skirmish, throwing Scrabble tiles at each other.

Is all fun and games until someone loses an "i".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
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Lots of people are staying indoors during the outbreak

There’s definitely a trend here, seeing as how they coincide.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MaleficMarengo
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
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Son: Dad, why are you wearing sunglasses indoors?

Dad: Because the future is too bright, son.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iknowthisischeesy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2019
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Want to hear a joke about living indoors?

Nevermind, it's an inside joke.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kerlandays
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
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Right before he died, my Dad went indoor skydiving.

Well... he didn’t start out indoor skydiving... but he did land indoors.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tophbot
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2019
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Why do boxers stay indoors?

Because they aren’t going out without a fight

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πŸ‘€︎ u/____okay
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2018
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My reaction when people say they have a swimming pool indoor…

"Why on earth would you have a swimming pool in your door?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThunderAlex2
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2018
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Indoor trampoline park

Story time : My wife and I passed an indoor trampoline park, she asked if I could see us doing that. I said, yes, and she was going to to look up reviews on the place. I told her I bet it has its ups and downs. She was not happy when she realized what I had done.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/spookaddress
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2017
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Watching an indoor volleyball game with pops...

One team hits it too far up and it touches a ceiling light. I say "outside interference" and he looks at me, points at the ceiling, and says with a smile on his face and a twinkle in his eye "if anything that's an inside interference." I love my dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Analigator
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2014
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the puppy test

Before you let your kids get a puppy, take the Puppy Test.

Best taken in the autumn or mid winter.

  1. Buy a lead and tie it to a big stone, walk around dragging the stone behind you.
  2. Get up at 5am, go out in the pouring rain and walk up and down a muddy path, repeating good girl/boy, wee wees...poo poos, quickly please
  3. Stuff your pockets with plastic bags and pick up all the poo you can find, obviously not your dogs as you have not bought it yet ??
  4. Start wearing your shoes indoors, especially during muddy times
  5. Collect leaves off the ground and spread them on the floor
  6. Carry sticks and branches indoors and chop them up on your carpet
  7. Pour cold apple juice on the rug and floor....walk barefooted over it in the dark
  8. Drop some chocolate pudding on your carpet in the morning and then try to clean it in the evening
  9. Wear socks to which you have made holes using a blender
  10. Jump out of your favorite chair just before the movie ends and run to open the back door
  11. Cover all your best clothes with dog hair, dark clothes with blond hairs and light clothes with dark hairs
  12. Tip all just ironed clothes on the floor
  13. Make little pin holes in all your furniture, especially chair and table legs
  14. When doing dishes, splash water all over the place and don't wipe it.
  15. Spread toilet paper all over the house when you leave the house and tidy up when you get back home
  16. Forget any impulse holidays and/or breaks
  17. Always go straight home after work or school
  18. Go for walks no matter what the weather, and inspect every dirty paper, chewing gum and dead fly you might find
  19. Stand at your back door at five in the morning shouting, "Bring Mr Bumble and Mr Lion in, its raining.”
  20. Wake up at 3am. Place a correct size bag of flour on top of yourself and try to sleep, whilst wiping your face with a dishcloth, which you have left next to your bed in a bowl last week.
    Repeat everyday over 6 months and if you still think getting a puppy sounds like a good idea, Congratulations, you might be ready for your kids to get your puppy.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/specklesinc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
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Keeping tropical fish at home can have a calming effect on the brain

Due to all the indoor fins.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Messicanhero
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
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They said plastic is bad for nature

That's why I used it indoors

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
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Have you heard about the new restaurant the Mafia just opened up?

Foot traffic for indoor dining is a little slow, but they do a great TAKEOUT business

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MynameisMatlock
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
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[True story of Dad] The cat

I used to have a black cat named Big Guy. When I left for college, he stayed with my parents. One day I got a call from my mom and she mentioned he was missing. They hadn't seen him in a week. He was an indoor/outdoor cat and would occasionally disappear for a few days, but a whole week was unusual.

Anyway, I was bummed. I was set to visit the next week and was looking forward to seeing my cat.

I flew home and... it was weird. Now they had two cats! Both black. And Big Guy was back! But... why two cats now?

So here's the dad part. My mom started to really miss him. My dad saw this and went to the local shelters to see if anyone turned him in. He said, "After the 3rd one, I pretty much gave up."

So then my mom said, "So your father got another cat he thought looked "close enough" and tried to convince me it was Big Guy. I said, 'Have you lost it? This cat is a GIRL!'"

Then Big Guy came home.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2020
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I will never drink at home again

I'll never drink indoors again. I almost gave my wife phone saying "Save your number i will call you tomorrow"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Earlyman254
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2020
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Grandma said she wished me well

I said, I have indoor plumbing

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πŸ‘€︎ u/invisible_being
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2020
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Get an aquarium for your house.

It helps stimulate positive thinking in your brain because of all the indoor fins.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AudioSmoke
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2019
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Having a home aquarium is a great way to feel better.

It provides you with indoor fins

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chateau512
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2019
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What's in the middle of the Olympic sprinter's hyphenated last name?

a 100 meter dash.

Edit: Previously I had "60 meter dash". Turns out that was indoor sprinting and not Olympics. Fixed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nomotho
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2016
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Staying dry

While visiting my school program for a multi-night trip, teachers asked how we would keep students dry in the rain. I talked about our classrooms and other indoor areas, and said they can easily make time to change clothes midday.

"I like to have my students change socks at lunch, hang them to dry, and then use them again the next morning. The socks still get worn 24 hours, but they have morning and afternoon socks."

One teacher got excited and agreed, pointed at her thigh, and said "These are my day jeans!"

I slowly looked around the room, making eye contact with all the teachers. "Does that make you a-" pause for effect "-day jean believer?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mt_n_man
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2019
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Halloween party sleeping arrangements

The previous weekend my college age daughter told me she had slept in her car after a party.

This weekend:

Me (dad): so did you sleep in your car again?

College age daughter: No, we were a lot more comfortable than that. We slept indoors.

Me: Seems like a door would be a lot less comfortable than a car!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mistermajik2000
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2013
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An inspector visits a farm...

He tells the farmer that he wants to speak with his animals so he can check how their life there is.

The farmer reluctantly leads the inspector to the paddocks, the inspector notices some cows and approaches asking "Hello Ms Cow, how are you finding life on this farm?" The cow replied in a ventriloquistling voice, "I love my life on the farm, I get grass all day and get put indoors at night". The farmer is amazed at the sight before him.

The inspector makes his way to the duck pond and asks the ducks, "Ducks, how is your life at this farm?" The duck, like the cows reply "I love this farm, we get grain and the big pond. We love our life here".

The inspectors continues his way through the farm with the farmer in tow eventually reaching the sheep pen. As he makes his way towards the sheep the farmer quickens his pace catching the inspectors. "I have something to tell you before you chat to the sheep, THE SHEEP LIE!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RageRacoon
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2019
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Camping?

Alright, I am the manager at a new vr place in our mall- and we have a wonderful foosball table that people can come in and play free. Three teenage boys come in and challenge me to a game of 2 vs. 2. As I am destroying them, with the boy next to me mostly texting, one stops and looks at me after getting his first point on our team and says "This is getting intense." I nod and look around confused, then say "Uh.. I think you are confused, we are indoors-- not in-tents."

Lets just say i was pretty proud of myself today.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ParadoxicalCliche
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2018
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Dad joked my fellow soccer teammates.

I play indoor soccer with a group of guys every Thursday night at the local church. We play for fun so we have some ground rules so it doesn't get too aggressive. One of the guys went for a slide and scored a goal everyone was quite upset at this knowing we had already established that sliding, especially indoor, was not allowed. While everyone was arguing whether the goal counted or not I responded with, " I think we can let that one slide." Collective groan from many, many others allowed it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thewhatnowyousay
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2014
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Why makes aquarium fish so happy?

Their indoor-fins.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/superpond
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2012
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It's a tit-bit nipply outside...

Breast get indoors.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PM_ME_UR_GALLADE
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2016
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Stopped at a motel, went for a swim, and my SO got me good.

I'm driving across the country with my SO and we're stopped at a motel right now.

It has a small indoor swimming pool so I put on my boardshorts, went for a quick swim, and hung them up to dry in the shower overnight. This morning my SO saw them:

>"They dry really quickly," she said.

>"Yup, that's what boardshorts are for," I said.

>"They don't have a lot to do?"

It took me a minute. She got me good.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kyledeb
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2016
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Raising the bar of dad jokes.

Last weekend, a group of friends, my girlfriend, and I were waiting in line for a concert in the city. While we were standing around, my girlfriend excitedly started pointing at a hotel a few blocks away.

"Look at the top of that building! I think that's an indoor pool on the top floor!"

Because it was hard to tell and we were bored in line, a debate started about whether it not it was actually a pool, until I stated that it was obviously a bar.

"Why do you say that?"

"Because nice hotels like to set the bar high."

I've never been prouder to make a group of people groan.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/acedude0369
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2016
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Taking a family photo outside for our Christmas card...

... and it's cold and I want to go inside, so I start suggesting indoor pictures.

Me: "Let's take a picture by the fireplace. Or the piano."
Dad: "How would we get the piano out here? Think, son!"
Me: ...
Dad: [laughs uproariously at self]

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Habefiet
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2015
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It rained in Indonesia

Wife talking about a mutual friend who we didn't see for a while.

Wife: I just saw Noor he's back at work now. He was on vacation in Indonesia.

Me: How was his trip?

Wife: He said not good as it rained the whole time.

Me: So he vacationed in Indoor-nesia?

Wife: not impressed

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aamir64
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2016
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My little sister is wise in the way of the dad.

On a long car ride to the shore, I had to tell my younger brother to use his indoor voice to which he responded that we aren't indoors. My sister proceeded to count "1...2...3...4!" and said, "What are you talking about, we're inside the car and it has four doors." I made sure to let her know how proud I was of her and that I was happy someone other than myself made a dad joke.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Joshua_P
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2014
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I'm a Dad. I drop this constantly

Whenever I am indoors lets say in an office and someone thinks the A/C is not working or it needs to be turned down I may be asked "Are you hot?"

My reply... "Well, i'd like to think so!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ron247365
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2013
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Whenever I say something is 'intense'

Dad: What? I thought we were indoors?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/neeke
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2013
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I may be ready to be a dad

I volunteer with Jr. High kids and Highschoolers on Wednesday nights. This week we decided to play some indoor soccer, so we took out the soccer nets that we had stored. I see them and walk over to a group of volunteer girls and ask, "Hey, do you want to see our organization's goals?" while pointing at the soccer nets. They all groaned while I walked away laughing and proud of my joke.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Uldyr
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2015
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Mooooooo!

Dad and I would be innocently walking around the food store and happen upon the prepared foods aisle when he would notice the Hamburger Helper boxes. He'd laugh to himself, just thinking about the lame joke he always tells before it even comes out of his mouth.

"What do you call a masturbating cow?!"

Normally the way a joke works is you wait for someone to interact with you, answer your question or at least acknowledge that you're telling a joke - not my dad. He yells at himself at the top of his lungs.

"BEEF STROGANOFF!! ...MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Really loudly. Way louder than any person should ever speak indoors. ..I miss him.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LIL_Britty
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2013
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Dadjoked my daughter's third birthday

My wife and I bought our daughter two different tents for her birthday, which was yesterday. One is for camping and one is for indoor play. She asked, "Why two tents, Daddy?" I replied, ""Oh, work has me stressed out."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/duchej
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2015
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Why does keeping a fish aquarium calm the brain?

All the indoor fins.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JadedByEntropy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2020
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Keeping tropical fish in your home has a calming effect on the brain because...

...of the indoor fins...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
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Keeping tropical fish at at home can have a calming effect on the brain.

Due to all the indoor fins.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TellmSteveDave
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2020
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Keeping tropical fish in your home has a calming effect on the brain

because of the indoor fins.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2019
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Keeping tropical fish at home can have a calming effect on the brain

Due to all the indoor fins.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ashtehstampede
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2019
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You know those happy aquarium fish...

they have indoor-fins

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheBeerded
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2013
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