My wife's an artist so I tried to impress her by painting her picture but she just got really upset

I guess she liked how it looked originally.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lineworksboston
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2021
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I asked the trainer at the gym, which machine I should use to impress the ladies?

He pointed outside and said "The ATM machine. "

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
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Wanting to impress my son at the zoo today, I revealed to him, "Used to be best friends with a giraffe, but we had a falling out." Puzzled, he asked, "What happened?" I shook my head, "I don't know really, but I felt..."

"He was always looking down on me!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
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A friend of mine tries to impress girls by drawing realistic paintings of the Ford F-150.

He’s a pickup artist.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2019
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Why is it so hard to impress oil connoisseurs?

They have refined tastes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Villagecreep
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2020
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A white-tail keeps showing up at our house doing tricks, trying to impress us to get food...

It's endeering.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2020
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How do fish impress the ladies?

They flex their mussels.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Azreal_Mistwalker
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2020
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A girl trying to hook up with a mathematician took an algebra class to impress him

It's the thot that counts

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gnar_owl
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2020
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What did the rooster do to impress the hen?

He wrote poultry for her.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/abacadavocados
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2019
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Bicycle jokes won't impress you

But a unicycle one wheel.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ProCreeper_2000
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2018
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I tried 2 short of a dozen puns to impress her...

No pun in ten did.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theEndWasShit
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2019
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A boy complains to his father: 'You told me to put a potato in my swimming trunks! You said it would impress the girls at the pool! But you forgot to mention one thing!'

Father: 'Really, what?'

Boy: 'That the potato should go in the front.'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Namirred
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2019
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I wanted to impress my friends, so I learned how to improve my guitar skills.

It was A Major task but I can only C Minor improvement.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRealJeemboo
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2019
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I tried to impress a girl by putting my foot down on the pedal.

It turns out she'd seen a bin open like that before.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/December_Soul
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
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Dressing to impress
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nickelbackfan1000
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2017
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A lot of people are impress when I tell them I have a night guard

Until I explain it’s to protect my teeth from grinding while I sleep.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vee8cheS
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Was trying to impress a fine looking lady just the other evening, and I told her people call me "X".

She asked me why, and I had honestly not expected it-- so I panicked and went, "I dunno, "Z"?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hell2go
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2019
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A man wanted to impress his friends so he stole a train…

The police said "That's a loco motive."

πŸ‘︎ 196
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jezmck
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2017
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I really wanted to impress my wife's upper class parents.

So I brought TWO boxes of wine.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fukhed69
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2018
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I thought I'd impress everyone by showing my presentation on the conference room wall...

But I was just projecting.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bigoldgeek
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2018
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Why is the rear of a ship so hard to impress? reddit.com/r/Jokes/commen…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/termiAurthur
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2018
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"If you really want to impress your lady friend, then you need to give your package a little enhancement..." youtube.com/watch?v=a0rtp…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/quazzet
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2014
🚨︎ report
My friend tries to impress women by drawing realistic pictures of the Ford F-150.

He’s a pickup artist.

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
🚨︎ report
A friend of mine tries to impress girls by drawing realistic paintings of the Ford F-150.

He’s a pickup artist.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2019
🚨︎ report

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