My friends keep trying to convince me to let a 2,000 elephant sit on me.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jan 26 2021
I am trying to convince my dad to get a new hearing aid.
But he just wonβt listen.
π︎ 186
π
︎ Nov 10 2020
I'm trying to convince my friend that being a fraudster isn't for him. I went over to his house the other day and he was putting canned meat in envelopes.
Apparently he was sending a bunch of Spam Mail.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Dec 16 2020
A group in Denmark is trying to convince the government to use old Legos to re-pave their highways...
...unfortunately, they've been running into a lot of road blocks.
π︎ 23
π
︎ Dec 02 2020
My wife got mad after I tried to convince her that she'd agreed to let me buy a neon sign.
I guess she doesn't like gas lighting.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Nov 30 2020
No matter how many times she tried, Sherlock Holmes' wife could never convince him to grow fond of her pet duck.
He was a master of the duck shun.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Dec 14 2020
I was trying to convince everyone on a WW2 subreddit that I was French.
π︎ 51
π
︎ Nov 20 2020
It's easy to convince ladies not to eat Tide Pods
But its harder to deter gents
π︎ 14k
π
︎ Feb 11 2020
The guy who mans the fishing rods on my boat tried to convince me to vote for a candidate. I fired him.
Pole workers aren't allowed to do that!
π︎ 16
π
︎ Oct 31 2020
I tried to convince one of my co workers to buy the first round of drinks after our shift...
He said no, but it was worth a shot.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Oct 23 2020
Iβm trying to convince my wife that I want a Segway for my birthday.
But every time I bring it up, she changes the topic.
π︎ 11k
π
︎ Jul 31 2019
I'll never forget when my dad told me, "Find yourself a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and try to convince her to marry you!β A little taken aback, I asked him what he meant. He explained...
βShe knows how to make bad decisions and stick by them!"
π︎ 12
π
︎ Aug 24 2020
My wife was just trying to convince me to spend $1k on a new king size bed...
...I told her Iβd have to sleep on it.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jul 29 2020
My son tried to convince me that Jim Morrison was just an overrated drunk, so I angrily sent him to his room...
Nobody slams the Doors in my house!!
π︎ 11
π
︎ Aug 05 2020
My friend is trying to convince me to invest in his sword making business.
He makes some very good points.
π︎ 28
π
︎ Apr 14 2020
how do you convince meat juice out of a bovine?
π︎ 3
π
︎ May 21 2020
I donβt know why I couldnβt convince my wife she would like the set of knives I made her for Motherβs Day.
I made several good points.
π︎ 10
π
︎ May 10 2020
My friends tried to convince me I was a chemical element with the atomic number 82....
...Thankfully, I'm not so easily lead
π︎ 58
π
︎ Sep 10 2019
When you convince a Jew to convert to Hinduism.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Sep 19 2019
My wife is trying to convince me that soup is better with flavour cubes.
I donβt put a lot of stock in that.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Sep 25 2019
I've been trying to convince my girlfriend to get into to lumberjack cosplay
I haven't convinced her yet but I feel like it could really spruce things up
π︎ 7
π
︎ Aug 22 2019
How did Fah Mulan convince everyone she was a man?
She pretended to be Fah Ping.
π︎ 2
π
︎ May 23 2019
I'm going to start a movement that convinces people that vacuum cleaners cause autism in children.
It will be called the Anti-vacs Movement
π︎ 31
π
︎ Jun 15 2019
My wife and I were arguing on an airplane. She was trying to convince me to join the mile high club...
I told her,
"I'm sorry, but I don't give a flying fuck."
π︎ 11
π
︎ Jul 19 2019
I have been trying to convince people on a military history subreddit that Iβm French.
π︎ 45
π
︎ Feb 01 2019
How do you convince a cyclist to head back home?
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Apr 24 2015
I thought I managed to convince my wife that Feng Shui was not for us.
But when I got home, the tables were turned.
π︎ 15
π
︎ Jan 31 2019
How did Fa Mulan convince the soldiers of the Chinese army that she's a man?
She pretended to be Fa Ping.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Dec 04 2018
Iβm trying to convince my kids to learn Chinese
I keep telling them that itβs a radical language
π︎ 3
π
︎ May 30 2018
My wife kept trying to convince me we go on a vacation to Thailand
In the end I said Phuket.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Oct 23 2018
Today some pushy clergymen tried to convince me to go to church
π︎ 2
π
︎ Nov 19 2018
I tried to convince my wife that men should always make the coffee, and that this was an edict from God.
"There's a whole section on it," I said.
"Oh yeah?"
"...Hebrews."
π︎ 2
π
︎ Oct 31 2018
My friends keep trying to convince me to steal from the IHOP where I work
But I'm not a big whisk taker
π︎ 3
π
︎ Aug 30 2018
My new neighbor tried to convince me he was originally from Northern Canada...
But I was having Nunavut.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jan 25 2018
I am trying to convince my dad to get a new hearing aid.
But he just wonβt listen.
π︎ 53
π
︎ Nov 11 2020
My dad always told me, βFind a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and try to convince her to marry you.β
She knows how to make a bad decision and still stick with it.
π︎ 45
π
︎ Jul 28 2020
My dad always said, β Find a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and try to convince her to marry you.β
βShe knows how to make bad decisions and stick by them.β
π︎ 18k
π
︎ Apr 03 2019
My friend tried to convince me to invest in his sword making business.
He made some excellent points.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jun 14 2020
My friend is trying to convince me to invest in his sword making business.
He makes some really good points.
π︎ 297
π
︎ Nov 06 2019
My friend is trying to convince me to invest in his sword making business.
He makes some very good points.
π︎ 312
π
︎ Aug 16 2019
My friend is trying to convince me to invest in his sword making business .
He makes some excellent points.
π︎ 19
π
︎ Oct 16 2019
My dad always told me to find a girl with an embarrassing tattoo, and try to convince her to marry me.
They know how to make a bad decision, and then stick to it.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Dec 20 2019
My dad always said, βFind a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and try to convince her to marry you.β
βShe knows how to make bad decisions and stick by them.β
π︎ 15
π
︎ Oct 02 2019
My friend is trying to convince me to invest in his sword business I donβt want too..
But, he makes some really good points
π︎ 3
π
︎ Nov 07 2019
My dad always said βFind a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and try to convince her to marry youβ
βShe knows how to make bad decisions and stick by themβ
π︎ 64
π
︎ May 11 2019
I spent all day yesterday trying to convince people on a WW2 subreddit that I was French.
π︎ 12
π
︎ Mar 10 2019
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