In our next Dnd campaign, the 4 heroes are all going to be singing wizards.
A regular bard-ershop quartet.
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︎ Dec 31 2020
What do action heroes do when they die?
They drop kick the bucket.
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︎ Jan 19 2021
American Airlines Magazine Cover: Unsung Heroes - Sandwiches youβve never heard of but need to try
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︎ Nov 06 2020
Do you play Heroes of the Storm?
Because i got hots for you
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︎ Sep 30 2020
Listening to sonic heroes makes me want to destroy a certain amount of robots
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︎ Sep 24 2020
Not all heroes wear grapes
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︎ Nov 11 2019
Where do Heroes shop?
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︎ Dec 22 2019
My daughter asked me for a recommendation for a good book. I told her I had the perfect book in my collection for her to read. It has drama, romance, betrayal, excitement, action, love, loss, heroes, villians, mystery and puzzles. Pretty much everything really. Excitedly she asked me for it.
I handed her the dictionary.
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︎ Jan 16 2019
Not all heroes wear crepes.
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︎ Apr 12 2019
Why are there no vegan DC heroes?
Because they're afraid of rotten tomatoes
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︎ May 14 2019
I was reading a piece of fan fiction about a girl so beautiful, all the heroes wanted to make her their wife, yet so powerful, no villain dared fighting her. They rather sought legal action against her.
Had to lay it down, I can't stand these marry/sue charakters.
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︎ Nov 12 2018
Not all heroes wear crepes
π︎ 31
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︎ May 11 2018
Not all heroes wear a case
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︎ May 05 2018
π︎ 3
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︎ Feb 19 2019
When I drink, I verbally craft Slovak folk heroes that I can't remember the next morning.
My mouth writes Czechs that my body can't cache.
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︎ Jan 21 2017
Heroes are just a P away from herpes...
π︎ 4
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︎ Apr 29 2017
The Hero's Companion was called Roundhouse...
...because it's a Side Kick.
π︎ 4
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︎ Feb 27 2021
Demi Lovato is my favorite female, I consider her a hero.
π︎ 6
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︎ Feb 14 2021
You know what a fight between Cloud Strife and Hero is Smash is called...
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︎ Jan 25 2021
If you donate a kidney, everybody loves you and youβre a total hero.
But try donating five kidneys and suddenly everyone is yelling and the police get involved.
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︎ Nov 19 2020
What's the opposite of a hero?
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︎ Sep 18 2020
Fallen hero
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︎ Dec 19 2019
I felt like a hero when I donated that kindey to save a kid's life
Figured the collection was getting a bit too big so why not
credit to the r/TwoSentenceHorror subreddit
π︎ 6
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︎ Nov 04 2020
Attila the Hun had a pet snake who refused to eat.
He tried everything: rodents, small animals, and even cuts from larger animals, but it wouldn't eat.
As a last resort, he offered a virgin, but still the snake wouldn't eat. So, he called up the village's wise man.
Without hesitation, the wise man put two pieces of bread on the woman, and the snake ate her whole.
When Attila asked why, the wise man responded,
"Thine anaconda don't want nun unless you've got buns, hun!"
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︎ Nov 14 2020
What do you call a female hero on drugs?
π︎ 4
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︎ Sep 16 2020
A true hero.
π︎ 52
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︎ May 25 2020
Thereβs only one super hero who can get into this frozen dinner
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︎ Sep 01 2020
Heβs a hero for our country
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︎ Apr 04 2020
Heroine
I walked into a substance abuse clinic for my second meeting yesterday. The doctor knew I had a severe crush on women super heros...today he told me the news.
"Sir I'm afraid it's dire, you need to be checked in immediately for your heroine addiction"
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︎ Feb 08 2021
Why did the capeless hero get fired from his job?
He wasn't capable to do it.
π︎ 4
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︎ Jun 23 2020
We were watching the movie Gladiator and then saw picctures of the hero now...
Now he is a "glad he ate"er..
π︎ 2
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︎ Jul 10 2020
Who's the fastest super hero?
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︎ May 02 2020
Antics
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︎ Jan 11 2020
Matt Damon is severely depressed because he keeps getting typecast as an action hero.
He sometimes wishes heβd never been Bourne.
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︎ Nov 30 2019
What would a chemist say to a corrupted hero?
You argon far from serving a noble cause
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︎ Feb 12 2020
This kid at the school assembly is my hero
Context: Our school was having a presentation at assembly from Together for Humanity - "a multi-faith not-for-profit organisation that is helping schools, organisations and communities to respond effectively to differences of culture and belief".
The presenters were an orthodox Jew, a Muslim, a Christian and an atheist.
When they asked for questions at the end, my new hero asked "Have you ever gone to a bar together?"
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︎ Jun 05 2017
Why isnβt there a super hero that instead of being bitten by a spider and getting a spider sense, gets bitten by lice and get a lice sense to kill?
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︎ Oct 19 2019
What do you call an ex-Vice President that plays Guitar Hero?
π︎ 3
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︎ Mar 20 2020
I finally see why people donβt like the live action DC films!
Because they donβt do the heroes justice
π︎ 6
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︎ Nov 21 2020
What is that super hero who shrinks down to subatomic levels?
Is it... Quark Kent...?
Da dum tisssss
π︎ 10
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︎ Apr 24 2019
This guy is a hero
π︎ 66
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︎ Jun 21 2019
I work in retail and today a mom asked about βMy Hero Macadamiaβ
π︎ 4
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︎ Feb 02 2020
Donating a kidney makes you somebody's hero.
Donating 5 makes you a suspect
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︎ May 09 2019
AITA for eating my coworker's lunch?
π︎ 24k
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︎ Sep 20 2019
We had a party for our office supplies today. We even invited the invisible ink.
π︎ 7
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︎ Oct 22 2020
Did they really think it through?
Marvel obviously ran out of names for their heroes. They named him "Antman". Wouldnt it just be better to name him "Uncle"?
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︎ Aug 04 2020
A sandwich walks into a bar and orders a drink
The bartender says βSorry we donβt serve food here.β
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︎ Aug 25 2020
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