After many years of therapy, my psychologist has finally cured me of the desire to sit in the corner in public and blow on people that walk by! But now I have the urge to wear teen idol t-shirts and lean against the wall...

Long time fan, first time poster.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
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My friend the artist made sketches of people worshiping gods and idols...

He drew praise for his artwork.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
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Why is the temperate grasslands the savanna's idol?

Because it will always follow its foot-steppe

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/Knightener
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2020
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Have you heard of the idol group, Supernova?

They're true popstars.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ‘€︎ u/AlreadyTraeSir
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2020
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What did the Beastie Boys fan say when their idol Adam Yauch asked them what their favourite Village People song was?

"Why, MCA?"

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ‘€︎ u/vulfneck
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
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A rodent has dreams of winning American Idol. His father says

β€œGopher it son”.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ‘€︎ u/KarateChop231
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2019
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Harry Connick Jr. on American Idol.

Contestant: I'm going the sing Somewhere Over The Rainbow. Harry Connick Jr: I think you should sing here.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ‘€︎ u/theswingingman97
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2015
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Momjoke, We were watching American Idol

Harry Connick jr giving a contestant feedback: "you're a great run singer..."

My mom: "I'm a great run singer too! I sing, and then everyone runs away!"

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ‘€︎ u/redaskew
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2014
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A zoo has 27 monkeys.

This zoo has 10 more birds than monkeys. How many birds does it have?


(Courtesy of my six-year-old son. I've never been so proud.)

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2020
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What a travesty
πŸ‘︎ 432
πŸ‘€︎ u/DarthEquus
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2019
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Keith Urban is a dad

He's judging on American Idol and one contestant says "I'm going to sing Somewhere Over the Rainbow" and Keith suggest "You should sing it here"

πŸ‘︎ 250
πŸ‘€︎ u/USCgamecocks
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2015
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Need some puns!

Guy spilled his drink all over my buddy on a long flight. So weve come up with a few. Spilliam Shatner, Spilly Idol etc.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ‘€︎ u/nopir
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2013
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Me and my mom got dad joked while watching tv this evening.

Mom (watching American Idol): You sure don't see a whole lot of black cowboys on tv.

Dad: Sure you do, I saw a whole team of them get their asses kicked last sunday.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kylel1195
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2015
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I like to collect the stupid things my family says.

This might be a bit long? My family isn't the brightest of individuals.

Sister: My balls are caught in the door!


Sister: The poof balls on my shoes.

**Grandpa**: I saw you took my junk out of your car and threw it into my car.

**Grandma**: *grins and nods*

**Grandpa**: You're so sweet.

**Grandma**: And I saw lotto tickets too.

**Grandpa**: I dunno where those came from.

**Grandma**: Uh-huh. Probably a damn $5 dollar ticket too.

**Grandpa**: No, $2.

**Me**: He doesn't know where they came from, but he knows how much they cost.

**Grandpa**: *starts adding more to my list of chores*


**Grandpa**: It's kinda hot in here.

**Grandma**: NO IT'S NOT, Take off your damn clothes if you're hot.

**Grandpa**: Is that all you ever want me to do, take my clothes off?!



**TV**: The line, "To be, or not to be. That is the question!" is from which Shakespeare play?

**Grandma**: Julius Caesar, right?

**Me**:  Wow.


**Me**: How can you NOT like that movie. It has WILL SMITH.

**Grandma**: *thinks* Is it that movie, and he has a partner?!

**Me**: YES. And he's in the west and there's that giant spider at the end!

**Grandma**: WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?!

**ME**: I DID.


**Grandpa**: I need to get a tree saw.

**Grandma**: What's a tree saw...

**Me**: A TREE SAW. A saw, that saws trees. You can't simplify it anymore than that.


*while watching American Idol*

**Me**: Omg, that guy's nose is HUGE.

**Grandpa**: If he sniffs really hard, he could overdose on oxygen.


**Grandpa**: I'm looking for my camouflage underwear, but they're camouflaged so well, that I can't find them!


*Sister rambles on about hating cats and how they're scary*

**Me**: You're just a weenie, Tyla.

**Tyla**: Oh yeah?  Well at least Papa loves weenies!

*Me and Papa look at each other*

**Me**: I sure as hell hope Papa does NOT like weenies.


*As we drive home, the tornado siren goes off* 

**Kaylah**: Have you ever seen it?

**Me**: ...Seen what? 

**Kaylah**: The car with the siren.

**Me**: What in the hell are you talking about? 

**Kaylah**: Isn't the tornado siren on a car that drives around town? 

**Me**: ......


*While driving through Alton one morning* 

**Grandma**: Here, take a sip of this.

**Me**: Ew.  Coffee is nasty.

**Grandma**: No it isn't!  It wakes ya up, and puts hair on your chest!


*Grandma walks out of the bathroom and wipes her wet hands on my face* 

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ‘€︎ u/ziezie
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2014
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