My daughter(7) just caught me off guard with this.

Daughter : Whats Nana's middle name?

Me: the same as mommies, I think

Daughter: her middle name is just i think?

I'm so proud. Sorry if I don't know how to format, I tried.

πŸ‘︎ 330
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πŸ‘€︎ u/podolot
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I only like two deodorants, Sure and Right Guard

Feel free to disagree, that’s just my two scents.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/toby-carvery-
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
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Who'd want to be Trump's security guard ?

you shout "Donald, Duck" & everybody would just laugh

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fitblubber
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
Are the guards at the Paralympics armed?

Or is that considered cheating?

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YolkyBoii
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
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Don't let your guard down.
πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/UnsteadyKoala
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
What do dentists and security guards have in common?

Cavity searches.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bogtownboy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Why didn't the life guard save the hippy from drowning?

Because he was too far out man.

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jmf95-
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
🚨︎ report
At the beach, opposite the life guard, a man sleeps on a towel, adjacent an unopened umbrella.

When he wakes up, he's going to be a tan gent.

πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call security guards who guard Samsung stores.

Guardians of the Galaxies

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/beingjac
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
🚨︎ report
A security guard at an airport informs the pilot of a man trying to sneak contraband onto an airplane.

The pilot responds, "That's not going to fly."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/karanrime
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a guard at the Samsung store?

A guardian of the galaxy!

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2020
🚨︎ report
A midget escaped from prison by using bed sheets tied together and scaled down the outside wall. He left a note detailing his escape plan, highlighting the prison guards stupidity and incompetence.

The Warden said "he's a little condescending"

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnblu5
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a security guard at a swimming pool?

The poolice

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ohhnoitsmeagain
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the kindergarten teacher say to the kindergarten security guard?

You can watch the kids, but don't Overwatch them.

That's just creepy...

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/UnusualPete
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Last November 5, i was caught off guard when I was approached by a stranger angrily telling me to butt out of his romantic affairs.

As if i care who that Guy FΓ—Γ—Γ—Γ—s.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ganders81
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Do you think Shakira calls her body guards her shakiraty guards?
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ForestValkyrie
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife volunteers as a school crossing guard.

I tell everyone she’s into human trafficking.

πŸ‘︎ 803
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s the difference between a jeweler and a prison guard?

one watches cells and one sells watches

πŸ‘︎ 156
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πŸ‘€︎ u/maxian213
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2020
🚨︎ report
My boss told me as a security guard its my job to watch the office.

I am on season 6 so far, but not sure what it has got to do with security.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2019
🚨︎ report
When does the dwarf that is a knight, guard the castle?

Mid-knight.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lord_nikon_burned
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
🚨︎ report
The presidents guards aren’t allowed to scream β€œget down” before the president is attacked anymore.

They have to yell β€œDonald, Duck!”

Edit: whoever gave me the gold award, thank you so much. I would repay you in a way, but I don’t know who you are.

πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hiiam_larry
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a security guard for a trampoline?

A bouncer

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chonqme
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2020
🚨︎ report
How do guards decide who the best prisoner is?

They hold a con-test.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/morsodo99
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
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This caught me off guard
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2019
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Apparently, having a guard stationed outside your home

Is a practice thats sentries old

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pLeThOrAx
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Who was the Knight that was caught off guard in the battle field?

Sir Prise

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hey_peky
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I know a really great joke about the Army Reserve and National Guard...

But it only works one weekend out of the month.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/awesmazingj
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I met the world’s greatest security guard the other day. When I asked him the secret, he said it was all in his name.

Barry R.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DenialTwister
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I had to give a guard a toy before I was allowed to go fishing in the lake...

I guess that's the Fisher Price.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/magedmyself
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a Samsung store’s security guard

A guardian of the Galaxy Credit:u/eatsleeprepeat101_

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hidininthetrees
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2020
🚨︎ report
What do the swiss guard and swiss cheese have in common?

They're both known for their holiness

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Majike03
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2019
🚨︎ report
What was it like being surrounded by all those guards and prisoners?

Well there were pros and cons.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/alienacean
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I killed the guards for internet to post this,they are coming soon,1 upvote= 1 dies
πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/swaggymelon
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2019
🚨︎ report
The metal detector beeped when the guard was checking me. He asked me if I had any metallic stuff with me, I said:

No...it just beeped because my Shirt is Ironed.

πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hanrattyyy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Why couldn't the life guard save the hippie?

(Hippie voice )Cause he was to far out man....

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/napluto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear the one about Epstein’s Prison Guard who died in a car crash?

It’s all over next weeks papers

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Irv-Elephant
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Why couldn’t the life guard save the hippy?

Because he was too far out, man

πŸ‘︎ 463
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πŸ‘€︎ u/50pciggy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call the guards of a Samsung store?

The Guardians of the Galaxy

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gamingfreak207
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife volunteers as a crossing guard, but gets really mad at me when I tell everyone about it.

I say, β€œShe’s into human trafficking.”

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Do you know what they call the security guards at Samsung?

Guardians of the Galaxy

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/detrickster
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a security guard at a samsung store

Guardian of the Galaxy

πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/-_Anirban_-
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2019
🚨︎ report
My boss told me as a security guard its my job to watch the office

I'm on season 6 so far, but not sure what its got to do with security.

πŸ‘︎ 540
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Automated-Waffles
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call the security guards at the Samsung store?

Guardians of the Galaxy

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Samuelcbadams
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call the security guards outside a Samsung factory?

Guardians of the Galaxy

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Boss told me that as a security guard, it’s my job to watch the office

I’m on season 6 and I’m not really sure what this show has to do with security

πŸ‘︎ 145
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πŸ‘€︎ u/northamerican2
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops?

Guardians of the Galaxy.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lbrooks13
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2019
🚨︎ report
If there are security guards outside of a Samsung store does that mean they are

Guardians of the Galaxy?

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Twigsnapper
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2016
🚨︎ report
Why didn’t the life guard save the hippie

He was too far out man

πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ntuso
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2019
🚨︎ report

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