A rope walks into a bar. The bartender looks up and says says, “Get out. We don’t serve rope in here.” So the rope goes out, cuts itself in two before tying the two sections together. It then pulls out a comb and combs its ends. The rope then walks back into the bar.
The bartender says, “Hey! Aren’t you the rope that I just threw out?”
The rope replied, “No. I’m a frayed knot.”
My dad (67) just sent this to me. It's literally a dad joke. Some of us might not get it though I'm sure.
What does the Pink Panther say when he knocked over an ant hill?
Dead ant... dead ant... dead ant dead ant dead ant... dead ant dead ant....
Maybe only us Brits will get it...
I got a pen in Barcelona. It writes so smoothly. I can get the finest lines out of it. Everyone is so surprised by it
Because no one expects the Spanish ink precision!
What does it feel like to get hit by a wave frequency?
We get it, you can draw Drew.
My downstairs neighbor complains that whenever I eat Doritos on my porch, it gets all over him on his patio. As usual, he's exaggerating.
He just has a chip on his shoulder.
This is my first comic so I hope it doesn't get ghosted
It's impossible to get a reservation in the library.
They are always fully booked.
The password is “you need to buy a drink first” for people who don’t get it
We get it, you can draw Drew.
Two melons decide they want to get married. One suggests they do it in Vegas...
The other says "I'm sorry my mother always said, 'You cantaloupe.'"
I hate it when my wife gets mad at me for being lazy.
It's not like I did anything !
Did you get it? How about now?
Get it? Or it isn't your cup of tea?
Why is it better to get beer in Ireland than in Scotland?
Because in Ireland they Dublin size!
My friend saw I was upset the other day and he said "It could be worse. You could be an irrigated hole in the ground surrounded by brick work that people use to get water"
It didn't help, but I knew he meant well
What do you call it when you get dirty on the Millennium Falcon?
They say laughter is the best medicine but where do you get it?
Damn, it would suck to be lactose intolerant and get this cake
If anyone gets a message from me about canned meat, don't open it.
My friend told me if I want to get out of doing the dishes, try dropping some of them. I tried it, it didn't work.
But then during babysitting.
How much does it cost a pirate to get his ear pierced?
Where did Mos Burger get it's beef patties from?
I tried everything but I couldn't get my phone to sync with my computer, so I threw it in the toilet.
My IT guy just asked, "How does a computer get drunk?"
Damn I heard about this one cult, but it’s really hard to get into
I guess you could say it’s pretty diffi-cult.
If you get an e-mail from the CDC about tins of pork being contaminated with COVID-19, don’t open it.
It's time this show gets the credit it deserves
I made this little Honeymoon pin, get it? Honey- moon? hope you like it! (:
I want to get myself in the guinness world records for the oldest man alive, but it's taking me a long time
Did you hear about the guy who used a racing game to get reputayion on Reddit, but it turned bad?
A communist joke is only funny if everyone gets it
Did you know it's not uncommon to get a boner at a funeral?
It's known as mourning wood
I was wondering, why does a Frisbee appear larger the closer it gets?
My wife volunteers as a crossing guard, but gets really mad at me when I tell everyone about it.
I say, “She’s into human trafficking.”
This just happened at a softball game and didn’t get the props it deserved.
My son was playing with a fly. It’s wings were messed up so it couldn’t fly away. He was holding it and said, “Daddy, this fly’s wings are broke.” I said, “then it’s not a fly, it’s a walk.”
I got utter silence from the people around me, though my daughter giggled a little.
you get it... y-you.. you get it?
I don’t get why minute rice advertises that it’s “minute”.
It’s just as small as other rice.
My dad was complaining how hot it is. I told him to get a couple of fans
He said he just isn't popular enough
It wasn’t my idea to get bidet
but now I kinda like the little squirt.
[META] Dad jokes should be clean, not just groan-inducing. That's what makes it a Dad joke, we can tell it to the kids in front of Mom and not get in trouble (other than maybe for the punchline).
What happens to an alligator when it gets a gps?
it becomes a... hehe... a NAVIGATOR HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHA
(I know my font is annoying plz get over it)
How do trees get it on the internet?
If I had to get rid of one body part it would be my spine
Sometimes I feel like it's holding me back
I was prescribed medication but I couldn't take it. It was too hard to get the lid off. You might have heard of it...
If I get a dog, I’d name it fear.
So if I lost it I’d be fearless.
My friend also wants a dog, but he’s going to call it spot.
He’s going to keep it strictly outdoors, that way his house will always be spotless.
My friend just told me that he has a third nipple, and he has decided to get surgery to remove it.
He really needed to get it off his chest.
What does a cloud do when it gets an itch?
It finds the nearest skyscraper.
Remember the good old days, before the pandemic? It used to be you could meet new people, maybe even fall in love and get married.
Now I’m just dating myself
My wife went to get a pedicure with her mother. She sent me a text saying that they have an exfoliating, foot scrub that has CBD/Hemp oil in it and she was going to try it out...I replied “baby, do you realize that you left the house with slippers on...
But you are coming back with high heels”. Her mom sent me a text asking me what I said that made my wife throw her phone in to her lap and groan aloud. Mission accomplished haha
Do you get it do you get it?
Did you get to see Mt Rushmore before it was carved?
Its beauty was unpresidented
How easy is it to get karma?
I know a lot of people have a problem with vegans, but I don’t get it.
I have never had a beef with one.
Every country will eventually get coronavirus, but china got it right off the bat
The neighbour's dog pooped in our yard, so my wife told me to get the shovel and toss it over their fence.
But that didn't solve anything.
Now the neighbours have my shovel and someone still has to pick up the poop in our yard.
I need a liver transplant, luckily you can just get them from Amazon these days. It should be arriving today...
The tracker says it's 'out for delivery'
LIFE RANT: yesterday was the first day I’ve been outside my house since coronavirus started, I just wanted to get some Jimmy Johns. It’s been 3 months, I ordered a #16 Club Lulu, something seemed off but by the time I got to the car I realized...
This Hurts Just a little when you get it
Coronavirus memes are funny. Whether you get it or not.
I have kleptomania. Sometimes when it gets really bad...
But I don't think you'd get it.
I was going to tell you a joke about time travel,
Do you know what a clock does when it gets hungry
It goes back four seconds
why was the clock afraid it would get sick?
because its hands were constantly touching its face
If you get a message from the government warning not to eat tinned meat because is contains Covid-19, just ignore it.
When you get it, you'll be shocked
You know, rewind doesn't get the credit it deserves...
...it's just as fast as forward.
I feel sorry for New Yorkers right now because of the high number of Corona infected people. Hopefully they're the last to get it. Unfortunate for China though
They got it right off the bat
Get it? Like electric charge
I ran out of laundry detergent today. I didn't let it get me down.
I realized it was just the start of a whole new Era.
My friend the comedian normally gets lots of applause after his act, but the last time it was nothing but boos...
He must have been having a bad har day.
What do you call it when a DJ get's a heart attack?
What do you call it when a farmer is stuck in his house and can’t get out to the fields?
Gravity's one of the most fundamental forces in the universe. What do you get when you remove it?
I keep trying to teach my husband how to use chopsticks, but he walrus gets it wrong.
When I turned 16, my dad told me it was time to get a job. “When I was your age, my very first job I had I worked with over 500 people under me.”...
“Wow!” I said. “Was it some big corporation?”
“No.” He replied, “I mowed the lawn in the cemetery.”
What do you call a dad joke when it gets old?
I get so mad at my wife when she turns on the heater idk what it is
But I swear I lose my cool
How much does it cost a pirate to get their ears pierced?
If anyone gets a message from me about canned meat don't open it!
How much does it cost pirates to get their ears pierced?
If anyone gets an email from me about canned meat. Don't open it.
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