Dad in training

Characters: My wife, my son (four years old), and my daughter (his twin, so obviously also four).


Son: "My classmate didn't like me laughing at her today."

Wife: "Why were you laughing at her?"

Son: "I'm a vampire! Bwa ha ha ha ha!"

Wife: "OH! Like an evil laugh?"

Son: "Yeah! Bwa ha ha ha ha!"

Daughter: "I'm a witch! Hee hee hee hee!"

Wife: "So you're both monsters?"

Son: "Yep!"

Daughter: "Hee hee hee hee!"

Wife: "Am I a monster too?"

Son: "Yeah! You're a ... " <dramatic pause> " ... mummy."

Whole family in hysterical laughter, and after it dies down he goes, "Get it!? Mummy!"


I've never been so proud. A spontaneously generated pun of that caliber at four years old, AND an unnecessary clarification/repetition of the joke? I've got high hopes for this one.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maclimes
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2017
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What generation does Forest Gump belong to?

Gen-A

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πŸ‘€︎ u/red_beard2
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2021
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I was watching Star Trek: The Next Generation on my mobile and the feed shut off.

I got a text from my mobile provider saying I’d exceeded my monthly Data allowance.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vbloke
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2021
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2000’s kids are generation Z and 80’s-90’s kids are generation Y, if we keep going back we get to generation U.

If you have wine from that time is it genuine?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/deaderson
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2021
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What generation does Forrest Gump belong to?

Gen A

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anytime200
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2021
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9 months from now, there will be a baby boom. 13 years later, will give rise to the next generation, known as....

Quaranteens.

πŸ‘︎ 602
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
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Waiter: β€œHow do you like your steak, sir”?

Sir: β€œLike winning an argument with my wife”.

Waiter β€œRare it is!”.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boredhanda
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2021
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I made a dad joke generator

I don’t know if I am allowed to post this but I just made a dad joke generator. Hope you guys like it. If I am breaking the rule, please let me know I don’t mind withdrawing the post. Here’s the link:

https://kiranojhanp.github.io/random-joke-generator/

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πŸ‘€︎ u/magnebuda
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
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What is Forrest Gump's favorite pasta?

Penne

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Binary_Omlet
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2021
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The youngest girl in our family wants to be a male semiconductor device for amplifying, controlling, and generating electrical signals when she grows up.

She's my trans sister

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
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Wow. Today in med school I found out bad stuff is generated by one's hips...

It's a waist product.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.

So I have an uncle, once removed.

πŸ‘︎ 16k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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Winnie the Poop (not a traditional dad joke)

This is not a traditional /r/dadjokes with a delivery and a punchline.

I just wanted all dad's, with kids around 2-6, to know that changing the name of Winnie the Pooh to Winnie the Poop will generate maniacal laughter from your kids. Especially if you combine it with singing the theme song from the movie.

As an added bonus, there is no statute of limitations on when you add the extra P. You can say: Winnie the Poop Winnie the Pooh...P Or Winnie the Pooh...... ...... .... P And your kids will laugh just as hard.

I've gone a full minute without saying the last P, while my kids hang on my every facial movement.

Enjoy

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/elChardo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2021
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My generation's zombies didn't run..

They walked. Uphill. In the snow. They ate what brains they could find and they liked it.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MagicGuy66
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
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This one generated a lot of buzz on r/memes
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Epiphany81964
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
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I swear I was born in the wrong generation. Nowadays everyone is addicted to their phones.

I wish I was born in the 80's when everyone was addicted to Cocaine.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
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The younger generations may not get this one!
πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ordinarybloke1963
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Prediction: There will be a minor Baby Boom in 9 months, and then one day in 2033 we will witness the rise of

The Quaranteens

πŸ‘︎ 27k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tecniklee
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
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Why does the older generation hate the young lazy kids

They didn't do anything, to deserve that

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/your_username_sux
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
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The next generation will be Cup, Plate, and Bowl
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Geng_r
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2020
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It's time to sell Skyrim for the new generation of consoles
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Perkele1974
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
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Did you hear what they are going to call the generation of kids born 9 months from now?

Children of the quarn.

πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Good_Kid_Mad_City
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
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We could rename Generation Z "QuaranTeens."
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2020
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You know that air that is generated by helicopter rotors when they are spinning really fast? Did you know that it’s not normal air?

It’s helicopt-air

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πŸ‘€︎ u/melanthius
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
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To boldly go where no man has gone before
πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RogueDisciple
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
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In 14 years there will be a generation we can call quaranteens

...worth it

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shekel_merchant
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
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People are always trying to reinvent classical music for new generations.

I say if it ain’t baroque, don’t fix it.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GotMyOrangeCrush
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2020
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Has anyone heard about the new feature on computers to pander toward the newer generation?

It's called Ctrl-ALT-YEET.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TrueDitty
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2020
🚨︎ report
And the name of the Coronavirus baby boom generation is.......

Children of the "Quarn"

Edit: at the age of 13, we shall bestow upon them the rank of "Quaran-teen"

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2020
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What did the Windmill say to the Power Generator?

I’m a huge fan of your work.

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zachatw
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2020
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Fact: Vikings are the sixth generation of kings.
πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iGandhi510
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
🚨︎ report
A Cool Pun Generator - Don't PUNish me for Posting!!

Some cool and PUnny PUns

https://generatorfun.com/pun-generator

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
🚨︎ report
If the generation born in the 2020s isn't called the visionary generation, something went wrong.
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
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Pun Generator - Generate Random Cringe-Worthy Puns generatorfun.com/pun-gene…
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2020
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DadJokes are proof that comedy skips a generation.

http://imgur.com/gallery/3GUE8

This was a group text from me to both of the kids. The younger was born exactly nine months from the Tuesday in question. The older one responded with a thumbs down.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ty10drope
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2017
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I met a man who owned cheese that had been in his family for eight generations.

It was Heirloumi.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AmethystMonkey
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
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I'm so disappointed in this generation

These days, people will click on anything even if it's nothing more then a catchy title

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheVampireQueen7
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2019
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What do you call the generation of people that migrated from Italy?

Genitalia.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lemah_Vic
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2020
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The antivax movement is a solidified belief that will be passed down through generations

Their children will die on this hill

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fill-Chapo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2020
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When my father died, in his will he gave me his toupee. He said it has been passed down for generations in our family.

It's a family hair-loom.

πŸ‘︎ 57
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πŸ‘€︎ u/washcapsfan37
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2019
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Passing the planet to the next generation v.redd.it/hmxcb704tp221
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sonujohny
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2018
🚨︎ report
Even Ferdinand Feghoot could be outpunned on occasion – but he always rose to the challenge.

There was, for instance, the time he conducted a crew of new S.A.R.H. (Society for the Aesthetic Rearrangement of History -BJ) recruits – all from late twentieth-century Terra – on a training study of Carter’s World, a newly established agricultural colony attempting to support itself by the export of edible nuts. Barely into their second generation, and having yet to show a profit, the colonists were technologically backward. Nevertheless, they showed a surprising ingenuity in the use of their few advantages. It was this resourcefulness that Feghoot was demonstrating to his rookies.

β€œLook at the perfection with which these streets are graded”, exclaimed one student. β€œEarth-moving machinery on this scale is strictly high technology stuff. How can they do it?”

β€œA new alleyway is being constructed, nearby”, said Feghoot. β€œLet us walk that way while I explain.” As they strolled, he told his students that countless centuries before, the Carter’s World system had been inhabited by a now-vanished race of giants. This very planet had served them for a nursery, and among the many artifacts they had left were thousands of childrens blocks, immense and precision-cut. You simply jack one up onto logs, bring it where you want it, put collapsible jacks underneath, snake out the logs, spread soil more or less evenly beneath, and collapse the jacks.

β€œI see”, said the student. β€œIt’s not graded road at all; its a simple hammered-earth base.”

β€œThat’s right,” Feghoot went on smoothly. β€œYou just hit the road jack and don’t come back no mo.”

His students registered dismay and anguish.

β€œIsn’t that right, old-timer?,” Feghoot demanded of an ancient Carterian standing by the mouth of the newly completed alley they had just reached.

β€œAhm afraid not, suh”, said the senior citizen, and the students giggled at Feghoots discomfiture. β€œOh, we used to do it that way, but it was far too much trouble. It’s the soil heah. You see, the very same soil which produced our famous cashews is so high in clay content that a child could roll out a road of it. Then, we simply use a system of lenses to bake it into hardness. Ahve just completed this alley mahself, and ahm just a retired professor of Sports History, much too old and feeble to handle hydraulic jacks.

β€œSo you see,” he finished, eyes twinkling, β€œMah hammered alley is really cashews clay.”

Howls of agony rose from the students, but Feghoot never hesitated. β€œAnd he”, he said, turning to his students, β€œis clearly the gradi

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nomnommish
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
🚨︎ report
The Boomer Generation was born between 1946 and 1964.

Ang Lee was born in 1954.

Ang Lee is a boomer.

Boomer Ang Lee.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dcrose89
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Slaying the New Generation

A younger co-worker just walked past my office and said "I'm so tired," to which I replied "Hello Miss Tired, may I call you 'So'"?
She was immediately in absolute hysterical laughter. I don't know how long it went on. She walked away and was still laughing until she was out of ear shot.
I'm starting to suspect she's drunk.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ReallyBigTurtle
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2020
🚨︎ report
What generation does Forrest Gump belong to?

Gen-A

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mitalily
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2021
🚨︎ report
What generation does Forrest Gump belong to?

Gen A

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hawkeye45_
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2021
🚨︎ report
What generation does Forest Gump belong to

Gen A

πŸ‘︎ 419
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πŸ‘€︎ u/got_nohandz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
🚨︎ report
What generation does Forrest Gump belong to?

Gen A.

Edit: thank you for the award!

πŸ‘︎ 101
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Th3NinjaCat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
🚨︎ report
There will be a baby boom in 9 months and

In 2033, we will witness the rise of "Quaranteens"

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/user_is_name
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2020
🚨︎ report

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