Me: "Really?! She wore ripped jeans to an Easter mass?"
Wife: "Those are her holy jeans."
https://preview.redd.it/ujv35rwei5m61.png?width=715&format=png&auto=webp&s=7a7478572fc765d48ca4306bc44262caf8027e8b
But something is very fishy with his new betrouthed.
Because no one expects the Spanish ink precision!
"That's lit."
What came after the dinosaur? Answer - It's girlfriend!
Son: Dad how does it feel to have the greatest son in the world?
Dad: I don’t know, you would have to ask your grandpa.
“It’s just a roll of tape, sir,” said the cashier at Staples.
I'm out to dinner with my family and my grandpa starts sniffling a bit. So he pulls out one of his super old patterned handkerchiefs and says "my nose keeps running". He then quickly grabs his nose, handkerchief in hand and yells "got it!" super loud in the restaurant were at. While he's laughing at his own joke he goes "that's funny right there" and keeps laughing and partially retelling the joke.
I'm proud to be his grandson.
In Fry Electronics and this guy starts telling my dad about how he should look at some product and he goes "That's AMAZING! One day, they'll put movies on discs or something, just think of the possibilities" the guy goes "DUDE! THEY HAVE THOSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" rushes him over to the dvd section.
At the airport - the flight crew announced all unaccompanied minors to please come to the front desk to start boarding. My boyfriend goes "Do you think miners could go? Like a gold miner?"
Dad (via text): "The man is here to do your car"
Me: "Awesome, let me know how it goes please"
Dad: "Brmm brmm"
I'm getting my lunch ready this morning before I leave for work and as I'm pouring it into a plastic container, I ask my mum what type it is.
"It's potato and leek" she replies
"So if it spills everywhere, you know why"
Cue groans and slapping of foreheads from mum and I
I think my parents have told this story about 100 times now and it never gets old.
My dad's uncle Vern was out at dinner with my family and when the food came out the Waitress held a pepper grinder over Vern's food and asked if he would like some fresh ground pepper. He said sure, then reached over to the middle of the table, grabbed the pepper, and proceeded to use that pepper on his food as the waitress watched in total confusion still holding out the pepper grinder.
dad: hey do you wanna know what they call an Italian suppository?
blank stares from the family
dad: innuendo, (in a terrible Italian accent)
he then proceeded to heartily laugh at his own joke.
edit: formatting
Dad: You know, if you put everything you find on that site and print it up, it would be reddit...in a book.
This is in reference to the movie Dodgeball. My father thought it would be important to add that note. Thought I'd share.
MIL: G, your owl hat is so pretty. You know who else loves owls? Cousin B!
FIL: Who?
MIL: B.
FIL: Who?
Everyone: B.
FIL: Who?
