COVID numbers are largely based off of two factors
  1. How dense the population is
  2. How dense the population is
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
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There were many factors that led to the mutiny on the HMS bounty in 1789. The most significant grievance was that:

They ran out of paper towels.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GotMyOrangeCrush
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
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10 is a factor of 100.

And 22.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rawSingularity
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
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I just finished painting a customer’s home and they were surprised with the bill...

Them: β€œYou’ve factored in all the labour, but what about the paint?” Me: β€œIt’s on the house”

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2021
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The undead not having to factor food and shelter into their cost of living is a clear example of wight privilege.
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAnagramancer
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
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I'm strangely attracted to geese. There's just something about them, an x-factor. They have a certain...

je ne sais quack.

πŸ‘︎ 114
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OgreMonk
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2017
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I always thought that Two Factor, as in two factor authentication, sounded like a Rapper's handle.

I wonder if he's a fan of his predecessor, TwoFac Secure?

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LegendaryOdin
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2019
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I believe the 2020 election will come down to one deciding factor:

which candidate has the best vision.

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thndrslapmagraw
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2018
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Puns leave me numb. Mathematical puns leave me number.
πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xjohnnyxleex
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
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Thank you

This isn't a dad joke. This is a thank you to everyone on this subreddit. 6 weeks ago the love of my life broke things off with me due to factors attributed to my mental health (which i didn't tell her about because she is struggling with uni and i didn't want her to worry) and I've been having an extremely difficult time coming to terms with it. She's falling for another guy while I've been self destructing to the point where she never wants to talk to me again. But i found this subreddit today, the jokes are so stupid and funny that for the first time since before the breakup, I've laughed and it was genuine. Thank you so much for your stupid jokes. You've saved my life as far as I'm concerned. I still have a long way to to, but this subreddit is definitely going to get me through it. Thank you πŸ’–

πŸ‘︎ 15k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xcixjames
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
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What’s with all this forced two factor authentication?

What’s with all this forced two factor authentication?

I think they’ve gone TWO FAH.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RealSilicaGel
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2019
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"did you factor in the restance when calculating the current" "no i dont think so"

"ohm no"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lasagna_banagna
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2018
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My ex girlfriend was obsessed with trying to find the largest known prime number.

I wonder what she is up to now.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2019
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Gf asked for help, and I did the best I can
πŸ‘︎ 17k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vyuvarax
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2018
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BIL was telling us about one of his exes who counted everything. In fact, her incessant counting was a factor in the breakup.

FIL quips "I wonder what she's up to."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/voidbender
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2016
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What was so wrong with USA...

...that they had to go and make USB?

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2018
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Sex is like math

You add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and pray you don't multiply

πŸ‘︎ 338
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pitchstrikes
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2018
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I heard my teenager mumbling in her sleep. She kept repeating, "1,3,5,7,9"

Literally she can't even.

πŸ‘︎ 997
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2018
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Imagine if we Americans switched from pounds to kilograms over night.

There would be mass confusion.

πŸ‘︎ 318
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WaltsTwoCents
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2019
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Physics prof + dadjoke = high-quality nerd factor (okay not the daddest of dadjokes, but not the baddest either)

Back in my classical mechanics class, we always used p to denote momentum, and q to denote position. Halfway through a lecture full of brain farts where everyone was accidentally saying and writing "p" when we meant "q" and vice versa, our prof said, "You gotta keep your p's and q's straight! Physicists know what it really means to mind your p's and q's." <<chuckles to himself>>

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2013
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An 8th grade student got me with this today. I'm so proud.

Student: "Why is it so bad to have a pie thrown in your face in math class?"

Me: "Why?"

Student: "Because it never ends."

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/we_need_ice
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2015
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Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me. reddit.com/r/Jokes/commen…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aaaqqq
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2019
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My math teacher said that I'm a terrible student

How mean! If I had to sum it up, I would say that’s not the best mode to say that to me. Maybe they should try to factor in the student’s feelings when telling them they need to tell them they need to fix their grade. I told them to factor that in next time, but they just couldn’t see my logic.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Doogasa34
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2019
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When did the professors meet?

Tenures ago.

πŸ‘︎ 240
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mushnikJmushnik
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2015
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With great power...

..Comes greater difficulty in factorizing the polynomial.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2018
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What is the chickens favorite TV show?

EGGs Factor.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PogoPug
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2017
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How did the guy polynomial get the girl polynomial pregnant?

He factor.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zizmax_
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2013
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You all know how 7 ate 9, right?

I suppose it was pretty obvious. 7 always was an odd number. Even 10 wasn’t shocked. 11 was all primed for the party, but when he factored in the whole situation, 12 split for (4) 3’s house.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rockslacasa
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2017
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Gandhi

I heard Gandhi often went shoeless, so his feet were very tough. He was a vegetarian, so he had a thin build. Lastly, he fasted often, which has a tendency to cause bad breath.

All of those factors combined made him a super calloused, fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Flooberjibby
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2015
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Why did Nivea Cream?

Because Max Factor

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Duckus6
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2015
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This was my father's text to me this morning concerning Harrison Ford.

Him: Harrison Ford injured in crash landing of a piece of junk. Wondering if special modifications were contributing factor. Inquired about Chewbacca's condition. Nancy assured me this was a solo flight.

Me: you're the devil.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dsubandbeard
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2015
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Getting our things home after vacation

We're on vacation, and due to work and other factors we are all heading home at different times on different flights. My mom says to my dad:

"Can we discuss how we're getting shit home?"

"Well it'll be way easier if you go to the bathroom and just leave it here"

EDIT: a few minutes later, my Mom needed help fitting something into one of our bags. She asked my dad for a hand. He clapped.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/plammy_sosa
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2014
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My mom snuck a good one in this morning.

I walk out to the car on the way to work, forgot my keys, so I run back inside. Mom looks up and asks what I forgot. I said, 'keys!' As I hurry past her in the kitchen. Without skipping a beat she replies " well you know those are a KEY factor in getting to work?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/drLeoSpacceman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2015
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Recurring Grandad joke

I only got to see my grandpa on my mom's side about once a year usually growing up, but there was always one common factor of each visit.

At some point during the catching up conversations, Pa (what we called him) would get a real dejected look on his face. Then he'd face my mom:

"Oh Vicky... guess who died?"-Pa

"Oh no... Who?"-Mom

"Elvis." -Pa

He'd then giggle, finger fun, and slap his thigh. Every. Single. Year.

I have a feeling he used that one for the better part of 40 years.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Krerickson
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2014
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The spread of Covid-19 is based mostly on two factors
  1. How dense the local population is
  2. How dense the local population is
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Martijngamer
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Covid spreads based on two factors
  1. A dense population
  2. A population being dense
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πŸ‘€︎ u/welltechnically7
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2020
🚨︎ report
The spread of coronavirus is based on two key factors:
  1. How dense the population is
  2. How dense the population is
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2020
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