Why did the retired doctor get easily upset?

Because he has no patients.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ryden22
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
🚨︎ report
(For Star Trek dads) Locutus of Borg redid his kitchen floor. A bit of it didn't come up easily, though...

The resistance was a few tiles.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Metalprof
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do plants propagate so easily? Because they have a lot of stem cells.
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SanjisHere
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear that Julie Andrews will no longer be supporting cheap lipstick? It crumbles easily and makes her breath smell.

In a quote she said "The super color fragile lipstick gives me halitosis".

πŸ‘︎ 70
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yougotyolks
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2020
🚨︎ report
There's a type of mushroom I bring everywhere, to dinner parties, bball games, work, they easily fit in my pocket

They're called portablebellos.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SmokeRingHalo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you know that Mrs. Doubtfire could have just as easily have been another title

'Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dad'

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend keeps his rare coin collection where it could easily be stolen.

I mean, he has no common cents.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RAconsensualPE
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Well this phone will break easily, Case Closed.
πŸ‘︎ 242
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WiSebasting
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend lied about creating a cloth that can easily be ripped to remove sleeves...

It was a tearable fabrication!

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I have this tin can that’s translucent and never seems to fill up when I put things into it. Its top has smooth edges so it never cuts my fingers and it opens easily without a can opener...

It’s uncanny!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/genghisyawn
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call an easily breakable diamond?

A frajewel

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/XX_RedSpace_xX
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do corrupt politicians learn to play the harp so easily?

They're good at pulling strings.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Joesdad65
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2019
🚨︎ report
I can easily buy a Xiaomi phone in Asia

but Mi gonna ?

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/trickstr_2293
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2019
🚨︎ report
This one time, all the rooms in a hotel were booked. But then comes this one guy, who asks for a room, in the same hotel, and gets one easily.

Because his name was Improvement. And there's always room for improvement.

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/doktorstrange7
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
🚨︎ report
I told you they would easily break, case closed.
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WiSebasting
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Inspecting mirrors is a job I could easily see myself doing
πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EarthPhl
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Why was the Welsh Mafia stopped so easily?

As soon as they were put into a lineup, everyone sang.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rossum81
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Why are karate instructors easily upset

They’re sensei-tive.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gdubluu
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2019
🚨︎ report
People say having a missing toe makes you more easily agitated with people, but honestly I’m more chill.

Guess I Lack toes and Tolerant

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DeoNite
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Julie Andrews will not endorse that popular vibrant shade of lipstick. She says it breaks too easily and gives her bad breath. Her official statement on this........

The super color fragile lipstick gives me halitosis.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/2donutkid2
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife tells me that our sex life is weird, mostly because I get easily distracted.

Guess I better get back to it.

πŸ‘︎ 63
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2018
🚨︎ report
Why do mathematicians get on their nerves easily?

They deal with numbers.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Battlealvin2009
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2019
🚨︎ report
You can easily make money by collecting helium and selling it for a dollar per pound.

No weight, that doesn't make any cents...

πŸ‘︎ 55
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dorgray
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you know you can bite through your finger as easily as a carrot?

I didn't even know that carrots could bite!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Uncle_Erow
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2019
🚨︎ report
For years people have mocked how easily I get cold.

Well, now the gloves are off.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2019
🚨︎ report
I watched a really thrilling documentary about how easily humans become distracted.

It kept me on the edge of my toilet seat.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2018
🚨︎ report
Why are paraplegic people so easily offended?

They can't stand it

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrJoshie
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call dentures who are easily offended?

Sensitive teeth

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eleece
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2018
🚨︎ report
I'm easily overwhelmed by camping trips

To be honest, I prefer a holiday that's less in tents.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pizzacanzone
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2018
🚨︎ report
I'm not easily annoyed.

But X-Rays really get under my skin.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2018
🚨︎ report
If my kid is easily amused with a mirror, does that mean he will self distract?
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fightmilk22
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2018
🚨︎ report
Temperature rising can be explained very easily

"climate" goes up, "abseilmate" goes down.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gimlie135
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2018
🚨︎ report
I easily fixed my broken clock

I did it in no time.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/twin802
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2016
🚨︎ report
What kind of toilet clogs easily?

A crappy one

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EFSE_Escargo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2017
🚨︎ report
I have a beautiful lawn. My friend saw it and said it was so beautiful that I could easily sell it for thousands.

After some time I finally decided...

...

Sod it.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/freenarative
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2017
🚨︎ report
Anyone should easily be able understand communism...

It's literally common cents

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DDays
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2015
🚨︎ report
Scientists discovered a new species of arctic bears, most easily identified by their fastidious teeth-cleaning activities

They're called Molar Bears

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/drageuth2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2014
🚨︎ report
Walking with a friend. He says I tan easily, I am part Indian, Eskimo in fact.

I-nu-it

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JohnShaft
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2016
🚨︎ report
The sickness that isn't easily cured.

I kept forgetting to post this here, it's been years since this happened, but...

While sitting out on the back porch with my parents and some of their friends as they sip on drinks, my mom kicks my dad by accident and immediately says "Sorry, sorry, it's my restless leg syndrome."

My dad quickly but smoothly replies, "That's ok honey, you put up with my restless middle leg syndrome."

Groans were had among the wives while laughs were had among the dads. I was left in shock for a few minutes while I tried to remove that image from my head.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Confused-Gent
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2015
🚨︎ report
My dad got me with this one, easily the crown of his week.

So I love orange juice, but I hate how it tastes after having brushed my teeth. So I asked my dad, "Do you know how I can drink orange juice after brushing my teeth?" And since he knows a few good home remedies like that, he says sure, and to follow him to the bathroom.

He has me brush, and as I'm doing that, he explains how the toothpaste does what it does, the chemicals involved, so forth. He then takes me to the kitchen and pours me a glass of orange juice, beginning to explain why the two react and such, and says, "here, see for yourself. " So I take a drink, and of course, its disgusting, and I spit it out.

"And THAT is how you drink orange juice after brushing your teeth."

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pubbawubba
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2014
🚨︎ report
You can easily make money by collecting helium and selling it for a dollar per pound.

No weight, that doesn't make any cents...

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dorgray
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2018
🚨︎ report

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