this soup is the worst
(jk borscht is the best. we have a generational recipe for it. I am ashamed of myself for even posting this and my ancestors shame me from the heavens)
haha I'll see you guys next time
Me: Would you say she litterally smells bad?
Me: ...Would you call it a "peppadew," now?
Dad: They don't sell those anymore.
Light blue.
Cause he called her an ew!
Cash-ew
(This just transpired: I got sweaty cleaning out my shower and walked into the hall to cool off.)
Me to my SO: Shower is clean.
SO: oh good. Ew. You're gross
Me: yeah. I'm sweating.
14 y/o from down the hall in her room while painting her nails yells: "HI SWEATING!"
(I'm so proud)
Cash? Ew!
Nice to meat β ew!
But then I remember I have to stop being so self-deprecating
Every time they see me they say βEwβ
Note: MY19 = My 19 year old
Me - Mum and I are going out.
MY19 - what am I going to do?
Me - You can debate with a lot of people.
MY19 - What?
Me - Mass debate.
A phew!
Aaaaphew!
Aphew!
Aphew!
Aphew!
Aphew!
Aphew!
^s^o^r^r^y
Aphew!
Me: Ew Dad there's a beetle on the wall!
Dad: Wait which one?
Me: The wall right across from me!
Dad: No! Which Beatle? Ringo? John?
He hasn't stopped laughing and won't help me get the beetle.
Ew, something inks in here.
While talking about cars he says : 'Why do chicken coups have two doors? Because if it had four doors it'd be a chicken sedan. " <rimshot>
Girlfriend linked me this and said "want"
http://imgur.com/EwU7X6M
I replied "that'll cost a pretty penny"
St.ew
I'm over at my bff's house for game night. Her dogs have been playing with a chew toy shaped like a carrot that has little treats in it. I go and sit on the couch, where the carrot happens to be.
Me: "Ew, I don't want this carrot by me"
Friend: Would you say you don't Carrot all for it?
I laughed so hard because I really do appreciate dad jokes.
So, my grandfather by the name of Leonard might lose his foot soon, due to diabetes/infection. Not at all hilarious, sure, but me and him have an awesome sense of humor. He lost his toe a few weeks back and I asked him if they placed it in a jar. He said, "No, they made it into stew."
My mother was less than pleased with our toe jokes but that was not the groaning moment.
A series of texts about my grandfather losing the entire foot ensues between my uncles, mom, sister and I. It went like this:
Me: If gramps loses his foot, in the worst case of scenarios, how would I go around asking the OR to put it in a jar? (directed to my sister who's a nurse)
Mom: OMG. Bad.
Sister: Ew. Lol.
Sister: http://giphy.com/gifs/jar-AuSAduPrXkDgk
Me: Oh man, if in forty years I'm ever at a family reunion all drunk, I'd be doing that. "Come my niece/nephew/grandchild! Speak of all your woes to the foot!"
Mom: STOP! Bad Grandchild!
Sister: You need a nap.
Me: I'd put the foot in an estate so that it can be passed down for many generations. It'll be the GrandPAW of Leo!
Mom: OMG
Sister: Ha!
Dad: What're you eating under there? Me: sighs under where? Dad: ew, gross!
After a feeding, my beautiful wife went to burp our seven month old son. He let out a gnarly burp, right in her face, to which she said, "Ew. That burp was foul, kid."
I replied with, "Did you feed him chicken salad?"
A delayed, angry smirk was a welcomed response.
Mom: Ew, that restaurant is called "Boil"? Who would want to go there? Me: I dunno, I heard on weekends it's actually really popping.
I just had a mild sneeze attack, and the last sneeze was, um, productive. I ended up getting mucus on my sweatshirt and I said, "aww it's all on my sweater now. ew"
to which my boyfriend promptly replies with
"snot the end of the world!"
he actually got me a few times but this one needed to be shared.
... and she turns the phone towards me. I had my hair up, so my forehead was sticking out. I cover my forehead with my hand.
"Ew, my forehead is the width of four fingers."
My mom, without skipping a beat, says; "Well, yeah! It's a FOURhead!"
She gave a very satisfied smile while I just glared at her.
(while on vacation in Spain)
Friend: Ew, so many flies! Go away flies!
Me: The flies don't understand you, you know.
Friend: Yeah, I know β
Me: They speak Spanish here. Try 'Β‘dΓ©jame en paz!'
Last night the wife made a big bowl of homemade guacamole. Well, today I was feeling the effects of eating 1/2 of said bowl of guacamole. This morning I texted her from the bathroom at work:
Me: Oh man, that guacamole is really tearing my ass up.
Her: Ew, ya nasty.
Me: I guess you could say I've got the "guac"ing farts!
She hasn't texted me back since :(
Her: Text me when you're close.
Her: And by close, I mean close, like west g or h, not here, because I'm fucking hungry.
Me: who is Hungry? What the fuck? Why are you telling me like this and not to my face?
Her: ok dad
Her: wait ew for so many reasons
Her: I'm so sorry
I'm pretty proud of myself. Image
The other day at work when my boss and I were both wearing Toms shoes:
Me: Ugh my feet are so sweaty
Boss: Me too and these shoes aren't even mine....
Me: Ew what?
Boss: These shoes aren't mine... they're Tom's!
Whenever I would be taking a leak, my dad used to walk by the bathroom and go "Hey are you from France? 'Cause yer-a-peein!"
Or if I ever said "I'm gonna go take a crap" he'd say "ew you're gonna take one?! Why don't you just leave it?"
The cash-ew nut.
