Ewe be Ewe
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ThoseAreHotdogs
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13
🚨︎ report
A sweater can be an absolute ewe knit.
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/felixswan
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2018
🚨︎ report
Wee fish, ewe, a mare, egrets, moose, wee fish, ewe, a mare, egrets, moose, wee fish, ewe, a mare, egrets, moose...

... and a hippo gnu year.

First saw that one in 1984 and it burned itself into my memory. :)

πŸ‘︎ 98
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Matti_Matti_Matti
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2014
🚨︎ report
The fact this is a real company is ewe-tterly baffling.
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2018
🚨︎ report
Is it called a ewe turn because that's what happens when one sees a pervy shepherd coming?
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pi_man
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2018
🚨︎ report
I just saw a car being driven by a sheep in a swimsuit!

It was a lambikini

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Blood_Quake
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26
🚨︎ report
A sheep dog tells her owner she found all fifty sheep. Her owner says that there should only be 46

The dog says, β€œbut I rounded them up.”

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PoeJascoe
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25
🚨︎ report
I saw a sheep in a swimsuit driving a sports car today.

It must have been a Lamb bikini.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/420ZeusNoScope
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26
🚨︎ report
The neighbour's sheep failed to break into the grain shed.

There was no battering ram.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xXSparklePonyXx
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23
🚨︎ report
What starts with an β€œe”, ends with an β€œe” and only has one letter in it?

An envelope

πŸ‘︎ 57
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NotMetheThree
πŸ“…︎ May 22
🚨︎ report
I herd you
πŸ‘︎ 58
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kyle01016
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21
🚨︎ report
My neighbor ran over from his farm and was sobbing. β€œMy sheep are missing!” He cried. β€œMy sheep are missing! Please help me!”

I said β€œthat sounds like a ewe problem.”

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/clubberin
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12
🚨︎ report
What's a sheep's favorite song?

Happy birthday to ewe

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11
🚨︎ report
X a sheep and potato?

A ewe tuber

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/suamigojose
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31
🚨︎ report
I came up with my own dad joke a few weeks ago

My 14 year old daughter got up from the table after eating a bowl of cereal, so I told her to put the milk away. Then we had this exchange:

"Before you put that back in the fridge, why don't you plug it into the iPhone charger on the counter first?"

"What? What are you talking about?"

"Yeah, you gotta charge up that milk. It's only at one percent!"

I say it so often now that my kids stopped eating cereal, and have pretty much cut dairy from their diets.

πŸ‘︎ 122
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πŸ‘€︎ u/doctor-rumack
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31
🚨︎ report
One of my favorite ornaments.
πŸ‘︎ 290
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_PoodlePants
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
🚨︎ report
What’s a sheep’s favorite instrument?

Two-baaaas

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Electrick23
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03
🚨︎ report
Why didn't the lamb want to play with their friends?

He was a little sheep-ish.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Datolite7
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06
🚨︎ report
I have this weird talent where I can control sheep just by listening to them.

I herd it with my own ears.

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10
🚨︎ report
What word starts with "e", ends with "e", and only has one letter in it?

Envelope.

πŸ‘︎ 14k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ENJOYblet
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2018
🚨︎ report
I just saw a scantily-clad sheep driving a sports car

it was in a lamb bikini

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/smartasskicker
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11
🚨︎ report
"Honey, you aren't fat...

... you're just more than i've ever wanted."

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Roxx103
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06
🚨︎ report
What is a sheep’s favorite insult

You baa-stard

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/-FBI_CHAN-
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2019
🚨︎ report
What's a fish's favourite festive song

Shrimply having a wonderful Christmas time!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/b0ring_person
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15
🚨︎ report
Which animal has the most memory?

The Ram

πŸ‘︎ 266
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rethinkr
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2019
🚨︎ report
What starts with an E and ends with an E, but often only has one letter?
πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sacca7
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2017
🚨︎ report
The final four letters in the word β€œqueue” aren’t silent...

They’re just waiting their turn...

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a buffet for sheep?

All you can bleat!

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/styxdyxx
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2019
🚨︎ report
I was riding my bike through the countryside when I was attacked by a herd of sheep...

Fortunately, I was only grazed.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porkchop_d_clown
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Husband doing crosswords with his wife

Husband: emphatic no, five letters Wife: never H: pistol, three letters W: gun H: disgust, three letters W: ugh H: charity, four letters W: give H: female sheep, three letters W: ewe H: Pixar movie, two letters W: Up

πŸ‘︎ 123
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Potato23860
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I read an article earlier that said it actually takes three sheep to make one sweater…

I didn't even know they could knit!

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2017
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the dwarf fortune teller that's on the lamb?

He's a small medium at large.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/legdiyen
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend, who happens to be a female sheep, made a clone of herself and had sex with her clone. My entire friend group was totally disgusted, but I encouraged it, and said...

Ewe do ewe.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Youtuatoot
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08
🚨︎ report
What do you call a herd of sheep falling down a hill?

A lambslide

πŸ‘︎ 534
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πŸ‘€︎ u/feathersoft
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2017
🚨︎ report
I don't understand why the Australian authorities haven't called out the lady sheep to deal with the fires. Everyday, when I was a child, Smokey the Bear was on TV telling me,

"Only EWE can prevent forest fires."

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/slowshot
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08
🚨︎ report
My friend loves sheep so much he decided to propose!

"Will ewe marry me?" Said he.

"Baaah!" Replied she.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend is a sheep farmer. When she starts to have orgasms, she wants me to shout the names of local movie showplaces.

She likes coming to a theater near ewe.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
🚨︎ report
It’s a space sheep
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/branbaxy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2018
🚨︎ report
It's Christmas morning and Mariah Carey wakes up to see what her boyfriend got her this year.

She opens the front door and there is a huge log on a chain contraption that can ram castle gates.Β  Confused, she looks past the medieval device to see her boyfriend standing in the front yard surrounded by dozens of male sheep and holding two tickets to skybox seats for football in Los Angeles.

He holds his arms wide and asks, "what do you think?"

She smiles and says, "Thank you for the rams but all I want for Christmas is ewe."

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mcsestretch
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Where do sheep get their haircut?

At the baa-baa shop.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pawnia
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2018
🚨︎ report
How do you end up with 100000 kgs of wool?

With shear determination

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Harshal_777
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you know it takes 3 sheep to make one sweater?

That’s amazing. I didn’t even know they could knit.

πŸ‘︎ 63
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πŸ‘€︎ u/marissakalyn
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2018
🚨︎ report
My computer has more RAM then a field of sheep
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HeartBreakKid99
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2018
🚨︎ report
Found on google images
πŸ‘︎ 108
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TerkRockerfeller
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2014
🚨︎ report
I tried too hard.

An art critic was judging paintings at an event.

The first one was a bland painting of the earth. not too bad, but nothing out of this world.

The second one was a blank painting. Why they even turned it it, don’t ask.

The third one though. The third one was a beautifully crafted painting of a sheep.

The art critic turned to the artist. All they had to say was, β€œWow, I am wooly astonished. The shear amount of detail of this art ewe made, which definitely lambs you into first place. This might be way pasture standards, but too baaad, don’t be sheepish. This piece definitely separates the sheep from the goats, it will definitely farm you some moo-lah.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PorpoleyPolarBear
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2019
🚨︎ report
===Four in one! Deal of a lifetime!===

My dad has trained me in the art of bad puns, and I have put that training to good use. I have four jokes in one post that are guaranteed to knock your socks off! (And maybe kill off a few brain cells)

Onto the jokes!

Lizards are never unprepared, they’ve been ready from the gecko!

How do aliens call each other? SpaceTime!

Student: Can I have a can of mutton? Teacher: I don’t know, can ewe?

What do musicians do when they get angry? Nothing, they keep their composer!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fro-Ro
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Punny Chit.
πŸ‘︎ 152
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lighteyez
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2015
🚨︎ report
So we're driving past some sheep.

Dad: "Son, do you know how to get the attention of those sheep?"

Me: ? "No...."

Dad: (shouting out the window) "Hey ewe!"

πŸ‘︎ 156
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThatCrazyViking
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2014
🚨︎ report
My 18-year old said for his high school English essay he chose the subject of puns but was clueless where to start...

I said, "you're a groan man! Don't be sheepish--ewe can handle it."

He walked away with a spring in his step.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2019
🚨︎ report
"Dad, how come your appointment is with the ophthalmologist but mine is at the veterinarian's?"

"Well, son. You see, one is an eye doc and the other is a ewe doc."

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nine_legged_stool
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do Scotsmen wear kilts?

Because ewe’s can hear a zipper from a mile away.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ttiptocs
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the shepherd exclaim after the snow storm?

I see you!

Icy ewe!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Beaverpudding
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2019
🚨︎ report
I don't like sheep jokes..

..once you've herd one, you know them all.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JanV34
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2015
🚨︎ report
My wife and I have been having trouble communicating. We decided to take a walk when we passed a farm. She said "aww, honey look at the sheep." I relied...

No, ewe.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mpicc
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2019
🚨︎ report
How come nobody laughs at sheep jokes?

Because they're baaaaaaaad.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRtHonLaqueesha
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2016
🚨︎ report
Baaaaa Humbug
πŸ‘︎ 128
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/elizabeth72791
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2013
🚨︎ report
Brainstorming food/movie theme nights. It es-kale-lated quickly. Only thing in my Bumble profile now.

When Harry Met Salad

What About Ke-Bob

Cumin to America

Weekend at Bearneaise II

Steakin I, II, & III

A Few Good Salmon

You’ve Got Kale

Shawshank Re-Dim Sum

Romancing the Scone

An Γ‰clair to Remember

Roman Hollandaise

Glazed and Confused

Bill & Ted’s Eggcellent Adventure

The Evil Bread

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang Shrimp

Fondue the Right Thing

Ribeyes Wide Shut

Mignons

Plante of the Grapes

Spider Manchu

Sushis All That

A Wok to Remember

Marsala-la Land

Apocalypse Cow

Die Chard

Die Chard with a Vinaigrette

Hogan’s Gyros

The Sand Latkes

A League of their Macaroni

Revenge of the Curds

Rush S’More

Braising Arizona

Demolition Ham

10 Things I hate About Ewe

Saladin

Oliver and Com-penne

Dirty Rotten Chanterelles

Sex and the Satay

The Truth About Cats & Hotdogs

Morella Enchanted

Provolone Together

Clear and Pheasant Danger

The Big Chili

LΓ©mon: The Professional

Ava-Tartare

Hocous Pocous

High Fi-Deli Meat

Madagascargot

The Fifth Elementos

Muenst

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kat_fogg
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2019
🚨︎ report
I told my Dad that this restaurant had a "U" shaped bar.

He says, " how'd they get it shaped like a sheep?"

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TacoSeshon
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2017
🚨︎ report
Hundreds of birds came from the woods and were harassing sheep grazing in the fields.

So a black sheep took it upon himself to run into the woods to stop the birds. And it worked! The moral of the story? Lonely ewe can prevent forest flyers.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/speedpetez
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2018
🚨︎ report
Frontal Lambotomy imgur.com/ZFv8EuL
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/katiedid_0_o
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2013
🚨︎ report
I'm writing a song about the extinction of sheep.

It's called "There will never be another ewe."

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MathAndMirth
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2018
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scotsman?

Mick Jagger says "Hey you, get off of my cloud" but the Scotsman says "Hey McCloud, get off of my ewe"

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BudgetBinLaden
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear the joke about the lumberjack, The sheep and the goat?

I wood tell ewe, but it’s a baaaaaad joke

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_Jimmy2
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a Vietnamese sandwich made from mutton?

BAHHHn Ewe

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SithPackAbs
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2018
🚨︎ report
Why should you never tell a feminist you want more RAM?

She'll ask you what's wrong with ewe.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CoffeeSome
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2017
🚨︎ report
What did the sheep say when he broke up with his girlfriend

It's not ewe, it's me.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/poetickate
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2017
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the all sheep and goat cast of Casablanca?

The movie's signature line was "here's looking at ewe kid."

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/marcuccione
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2017
🚨︎ report
Cheese puns (whilst waiting for a bill at a restaurant)

There's no whey they could have that much protein

You curdnt make a worse joke

Gordon rennet

I'm gonna loose my rind soon

Ewe, these puns are udderly ridiculous

You're milking it for all its worth

There's been a real montery lack of jokes recently

There's a real lactose of jokes recently

These jokes are starting to grate on me now

These jokes aren't gouda

Are you gonna put these on rennet?

I can't breelieve you're still making jokes

Dad, it's your turn, though you should have made a joke whey back

edayumDayumDAAAYUM

How much cheddar is the bill gonna be?

Hope these jokes made you truckle!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Idiosyncratinom
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2015
🚨︎ report
You ever here the one about the sheep?

Gf: No how does it go?

Me: I dunno ewe tell me.

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ellsworthless
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2015
🚨︎ report
Rehearsal dinner Dad joke

Dad: you're a sheep! Son: what? Dad: I said ewe and you looked!

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/aerialfm
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2015
🚨︎ report
Why did the ram fall off the cliff?

He didn't see the ewe turn!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thedangerman007
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2016
🚨︎ report
A kindly sheep just moved next door

Happy ewe near.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pilferer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2016
🚨︎ report
Brother just dropped this beautiful joke

What sheep goes underwater and blows up your ship?

A ewe boat!!

Then proceeded to laugh hysterically

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/orcie101
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2014
🚨︎ report
After my daughter named her stuffed lamb "Yucky"...

Wife: "Yucky like gross?" Me: "No, Yucky like ewe." (I begin crying from laughter) Wife (with a blank face): "You think your hilarious don't you?"

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zjleblanc
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2014
🚨︎ report
County fair dad joke.

My family and I walked into the sheep barn at the county fair. My son proclaims loudly. " dad, it stinks in here" to which I reply. " ya ,it smells like ewe". While looking him dead in the eye. It took all involved about 15 seconds before eyes were rolled and the usual ohh daaaad commenced.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/grumpycowboy
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2014
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scotsman?

Mick Jagger says, "Hey you get off of my cloud" and the Scotsman says, "Hey McCloud get off of my ewe."

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/syncopatedsouls
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2017
🚨︎ report

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