... and a hippo gnu year.
First saw that one in 1984 and it burned itself into my memory. :)
It was a lambikini
The dog says, “but I rounded them up.”
It must have been a Lamb bikini.
There was no battering ram.
I said “that sounds like a ewe problem.”
My 14 year old daughter got up from the table after eating a bowl of cereal, so I told her to put the milk away. Then we had this exchange:
"Before you put that back in the fridge, why don't you plug it into the iPhone charger on the counter first?"
"What? What are you talking about?"
"Yeah, you gotta charge up that milk. It's only at one percent!"
I say it so often now that my kids stopped eating cereal, and have pretty much cut dairy from their diets.
He was a little sheep-ish.
I herd it with my own ears.
it was in a lamb bikini
... you're just more than i've ever wanted."
Shrimply having a wonderful Christmas time!
They’re just waiting their turn...
Fortunately, I was only grazed.
Husband: emphatic no, five letters Wife: never H: pistol, three letters W: gun H: disgust, three letters W: ugh H: charity, four letters W: give H: female sheep, three letters W: ewe H: Pixar movie, two letters W: Up
I didn't even know they could knit!
He's a small medium at large.
Ewe do ewe.
"Only EWE can prevent forest fires."
"Will ewe marry me?" Said he.
"Baaah!" Replied she.
She likes coming to a theater near ewe.
She opens the front door and there is a huge log on a chain contraption that can ram castle gates. Confused, she looks past the medieval device to see her boyfriend standing in the front yard surrounded by dozens of male sheep and holding two tickets to skybox seats for football in Los Angeles.
He holds his arms wide and asks, "what do you think?"
She smiles and says, "Thank you for the rams but all I want for Christmas is ewe."
With shear determination
That’s amazing. I didn’t even know they could knit.
An art critic was judging paintings at an event.
The first one was a bland painting of the earth. not too bad, but nothing out of this world.
The second one was a blank painting. Why they even turned it it, don’t ask.
The third one though. The third one was a beautifully crafted painting of a sheep.
The art critic turned to the artist. All they had to say was, “Wow, I am wooly astonished. The shear amount of detail of this art ewe made, which definitely lambs you into first place. This might be way pasture standards, but too baaad, don’t be sheepish. This piece definitely separates the sheep from the goats, it will definitely farm you some moo-lah.
My dad has trained me in the art of bad puns, and I have put that training to good use. I have four jokes in one post that are guaranteed to knock your socks off! (And maybe kill off a few brain cells)
Onto the jokes!
Lizards are never unprepared, they’ve been ready from the gecko!
How do aliens call each other? SpaceTime!
Student: Can I have a can of mutton? Teacher: I don’t know, can ewe?
What do musicians do when they get angry? Nothing, they keep their composer!
Dad: "Son, do you know how to get the attention of those sheep?"
Me: ? "No...."
Dad: (shouting out the window) "Hey ewe!"
I said, "you're a groan man! Don't be sheepish--ewe can handle it."
He walked away with a spring in his step.
"Well, son. You see, one is an eye doc and the other is a ewe doc."
Because ewe’s can hear a zipper from a mile away.
I see you!
..once you've herd one, you know them all.
Because they're baaaaaaaad.
When Harry Met Salad
What About Ke-Bob
Cumin to America
Weekend at Bearneaise II
Steakin I, II, & III
A Few Good Salmon
You’ve Got Kale
Shawshank Re-Dim Sum
Romancing the Scone
An Éclair to Remember
Glazed and Confused
Bill & Ted’s Eggcellent Adventure
The Evil Bread
Kiss Kiss Bang Bang Shrimp
Fondue the Right Thing
Ribeyes Wide Shut
Plante of the Grapes
Sushis All That
A Wok to Remember
Die Chard with a Vinaigrette
The Sand Latkes
A League of their Macaroni
Revenge of the Curds
10 Things I hate About Ewe
Oliver and Com-penne
Dirty Rotten Chanterelles
Sex and the Satay
The Truth About Cats & Hotdogs
Clear and Pheasant Danger
The Big Chili
Lémon: The Professional
High Fi-Deli Meat
The Fifth Elementos
Muenst... keep reading on reddit ➡
He says, " how'd they get it shaped like a sheep?"
So a black sheep took it upon himself to run into the woods to stop the birds. And it worked! The moral of the story? Lonely ewe can prevent forest flyers.
It's called "There will never be another ewe."
Mick Jagger says "Hey you, get off of my cloud" but the Scotsman says "Hey McCloud, get off of my ewe"
I wood tell ewe, but it’s a baaaaaad joke
She'll ask you what's wrong with ewe.
It's not ewe, it's me.
The movie's signature line was "here's looking at ewe kid."
There's no whey they could have that much protein
You curdnt make a worse joke
I'm gonna loose my rind soon
Ewe, these puns are udderly ridiculous
You're milking it for all its worth
There's been a real montery lack of jokes recently
There's a real lactose of jokes recently
These jokes are starting to grate on me now
These jokes aren't gouda
Are you gonna put these on rennet?
I can't breelieve you're still making jokes
Dad, it's your turn, though you should have made a joke whey back
How much cheddar is the bill gonna be?
Hope these jokes made you truckle!
Gf: No how does it go?
Me: I dunno ewe tell me.
Dad: you're a sheep! Son: what? Dad: I said ewe and you looked!
He didn't see the ewe turn!
What sheep goes underwater and blows up your ship?
A ewe boat!!
Then proceeded to laugh hysterically
Wife: "Yucky like gross?" Me: "No, Yucky like ewe." (I begin crying from laughter) Wife (with a blank face): "You think your hilarious don't you?"
My family and I walked into the sheep barn at the county fair. My son proclaims loudly. " dad, it stinks in here" to which I reply. " ya ,it smells like ewe". While looking him dead in the eye. It took all involved about 15 seconds before eyes were rolled and the usual ohh daaaad commenced.