Dumpster Puns

Trash talk! (My little brother made this joke, I'm proud of him)

He'd thrown his back out.

French Flies

Is just a scones throw away

So I am trying to think of something to put on our family’s Christmas card. The only thing I can think of is “hindsight is 2020”.

I am however 100% sure you amazing people can come up with something much better for this dumpster fire of a year.

Every BBQ is a dumpsterfire!

Coronavirus, right off the bat.

We were talking about our cluttered houses and my Grandma said

"When Grandpa and I are dead and gone, feel free to get a dumpster."

And my Dad responds "Wouldn't caskets be more appropriate?"

Edit: formatting

So I just got a new apartment, and my sister was over at my old place, helping me pack and picking through some of my old stuff. I was stepping outside to throw some old stuff by the dumpster, when I heard her call from the kitchen, "What do you want to do with this pot?" Obviously, she was talking about a cooking pot, but I shouted loudly enough for my neighbors to hear, "What are you talking about!? I don't have any pot!"

I think I FELT her cringe, even though I couldn't see her.

A few years ago, my dad and I were building an addition onto his house. He rented a tool from the hardware store and had to return it, so he asked me to come with him and we would get some breakfast. There was a Burger King nearby, so we decided to stop there to eat.

When we go to the drive-through, we realize the restaurant was closed down, so he drove around the building to get back on the highway. As we were passing the dumpsters, he stopped the car, backed it up, and pointed towards the ground near the dumpster. I looked for a few seconds, trying to see what he was pointing at.

Then... I saw it.

It was a giant, 12+ inch black dildo, standing upright next to the dumpster. It propped itself up on its fake dildo balls, gently swaying in the breeze.

I was astonished. I couldn't even imagine what events in the universe had to line-up so as to end up with that giant dildo meticulously placed next to the dumpster at a closed-down Burger King. I couldn't even begin to fathom why it was there.

My dad, with perfect timing, then shouted "GAY TIMES WILL BE HAD TONIGHT!" and sped out of the parking lot.

We ended up going to Denny's.

Me: I will be off by ten as long as the open top dumpster doesn't show up. Dad: I just got to town last night and you're already talking trash?

An employee walks up and asks him if he needs any help. Dad responds with "Unless you're going to pack the stuff at home away for me, not really!" The employee lets him know that the best container is the dumpster. "If you haven't used it in a year and don't miss it, throw it away." Dad looks to his fiance and says, "Evan! All he does is show up for breaks, drink my beer and eat my food, and then leaves! He was gone all last year and I didn't miss him!"

I am Evan.