Surely it's just water under the bridge by now?
He wiped his butt.
Bae leaves
It’s now classified as an in-continent
Their PR team is in a sticky situation.
"What a waste of thyme" I said.
Edit: I made a reddit account to post this.
She looked at me and replied "your eyesight is damn near perfect."
I should have seen the writing on the wall.
Guess who came crawling back
Come on, why babe? I’m a fungi
She’ll come crawling back soon enough
Flush!
Does that make it a toilet tree?
He was shellfish in the seabed
No, my 4 year old son didn't write this. I did.
I don’t know what to make of it.
Is it considered a toilet-tree?
Last month, a guy in Cincinnati stole a salt truck and led police on a 30 minute chase. (true story) At one point he tried to dump the load of salt on a police car. I told my teenage daughter this and she looked at me with a straight face and said “I guess they’re going to arrest him for assaulting an officer.” 😁
Never been prouder of my daughter. 😎
It’s such a ridiculous thing to fallout 4
It was the hardest dump I ever took
"That shit is getting old," I told him.
PS: Do I get any extra credit if this is a real story?
I don’t know what to make of it.
I didn't even know it was her birthday!
I guess that makes me lack-toes intolerant.
That's #2 on my list.
I couldn't be with someone who was anti-semantic.
"WHAT!?!?!" I cried, "THAT GUY IS UNBEWEEBABLE!!!"
I think I’m being stalked.
That took a lot of guts!
Hopefully this post is allowed. 5 or so years ago, I decided to post puns that I either came up with or enjoyed a lot. My goal was to make it easy to find puns based on a topic or subject. So I heavily tagged all of the entries with relevant information. I've consistently uploaded new puns on at least a weekly basis, but usually every 3 days.
I've amassed a large collection that I've decided to open source. I've dumped my database into a JSON file that is open and free to use (with proper attribution).
Let me know what you think!
https://punatorium.com/opun
There was once a boy. He was the son of the richest man in the universe. Mark Zuckerberg, Bill Gates, he dwarfed them all. He was a multi-trillionaire. Now, it was this boy's birthday. His father asked him,
"My son. I am the richest man in the universe. I could buy you anything you want for your birthday. A store full of lego, all the video games in the world, anything. What would you like?"
His son replied.
"Oh father. It would make me the happiest boy in the world if you could get me one pink ping pong ball."
His father was rather confused by this request. Out of all the things he could've chosen, his son chose a ping pong ball. Nonetheless, he agreed and gave him a pink ping pong ball. His son was overjoyed and spoke to him.
"My father, you have made me the happiest boy in the world. May I go up to my room and play with my pink ping pong ball?"
"Okay son, go ahead."
The boy then went up to his room and played with his pink ping pong ball. When his father went in the next morning to check on him, the boy was sleeping in his bed and the pink ping pong ball was nowhere to be found.
On the boy's next birthday, his father asked him again.
"My son. I am the richest man in the universe. I could buy you anything you want for your birthday. What would you like?"
His son replied.
"Oh father. It would make me the happiest boy in the world if you could get me one box full of pink ping pong balls."
His father was again, confused by this. Still, he bought a cardboard box and filled it with ping pong balls. He gave it to his son, who said.
"My father, you have made me the happiest boy in the world. May I go up to my room and play with my pink ping pong balls?"
The father nodded, and the son went up to his room to play. The next morning when his father went to check, the boy was sleeping peacefully and there were no pink ping pong balls in sight. Just the empty cardboard box in the middle of the room.
On the boy's next birthday, his father asked him again.
"My son. I am the richest man in the universe. I could buy you anything you want for your birthday. What would you like?"
"Oh father. It would make me the happiest boy in the world if you could get me one truck full of ping pong balls."
Now, by this point, the father was extremely confused. Why did the boy want so many pink ping pong balls and where were they going? He asked.
"My son. You are the most precious thing in the world to me and I can certainly get you this, but may I ask, why do you want
... keep reading on reddit ➡He wanted to take his shit to the next level.
It was a murder most fowl!
Seems like their relationship isn't gonna workout
I replied, “I'm on the toilet, please advise…”
Don’t you mean a “Fur-rari”?
He wiped his ass
Wiped his ass.
Wipe
Guess who came crawling back
Holy Shit
I don’t know what to make of it.
He wiped his butt.
