"I'm measuring your patience!"
Because then it would be a Great Barrier Wreath.
I forget his name. I think it was Sellthedoor Dolly
I said "Sure, I'll give you a walkthrough."
Hamish
A husband is hanging out in the kitchen doorway when his wife needs to check on dinner. She says would you move ? He says you need to grab my knob and pull . She sighed and says DON’T BE A DOOR MATT !
When is a cow hairy on the inside and outside at the same time?
When it's standing in the doorway of the barn.
As I am blowdrying my hair my boyfriend surprises me by jumping around the doorway to my bathroom holding up the cat:
Him: Gaaaargh! Grrrrr! Me: scream of surprise as I patter my feet Him: I'm a cat burglar! Get it?
After a long and heated argument, the daughter decides enough is enough and goes to leave the room. But when she reaches the doorway, she turns around and blurts out "AND BY THE WAY, JIM MORRISON WAS OVERRATED!" and leaves.
Her dad yells back "HEY, WHAT'D I TELL YOU ABOUT SLAMMING THE DOORS".
We were leaving his parents' house, but I was pausing in the doorway to watch the last 30 seconds of a scene that was on TV.
Bf - Well, are you coming?
Me - Yeah, just a sec, this scene is intense.
Bf's Dad - I DONT SEE ANY TENTS.
We exit.
Three college students (Jim, Tom, and Steve) decided to stay overnight in an abandoned house that was supposedly haunted, all to prove that there was nothing supernatural there. They decided to sleep in separate rooms to increase chances of scary things happening. Each room was connected to one long hallway which lead to some stairs. After a while, the three called it a night and went to their separate rooms.
At midnight, Jim woke up to the sound of a scream coming from one of the rooms. He ran out into the hall where he met Steve, who also had just woken up. They walked into Tom’s room, and he was nowhere to be found. “Surely this must be a prank” thought Jim, and he and Steve decided to go back to bed. He slept for almost an hour when Jim woke up to another scream coming from a different room. He ran into the hall, and this time Steve did not join him. He walked into Steve’s room, and noticed that Steve had completely vanished. Still in the mindset that this was a prank by his two friends two, Jim went back to bed.
An hour later, Jim woke up to the sound of thumping in the hallway. He went out of his room and saw a giant coffin with chainsaws attached to where arms would be. The coffin was also blocking the exit, meaning that the only way to go was the stairs! Jim immediately ran up them as fast as he could. He stopped to catch his breath, then heard the thumping of something coming up the stairs, so he started running again! He ran into another set of stairs going up, so he ran up them as fast as he could. He stopped to catch his breath, when once again, he heard the thumping of something coming up the stairs, so he started to run. Eventually, he reached a dead end in a bathroom. He turned around to see the coffin at the doorway. Frantically, Jim scavenged the cabinets for anything he could use to fight it. All he could find was some cough drops. Using all the strength he had, he threw the cough drops at the coffin. Upon impact, the coffin suddenly started to dissolve! Before long nothing remained of it. Jim was astonished! The cough drops had stopped his coffin.
My husband to me after putting our 3 year old down for bedtime:
"Oh, crap. I need to go get the monitor..."
pauses in the doorway
"You go get the Merrimac."
OK, this just happened: bumped head, bag of frozen veggies, < enter dad stage left (the doorway, stage right is a window, and it's shut).>
Me: what happened little man? Him: <he explains> Me: So... mummy peed on your head? <Wife smirks condescendingly> Him: what?
Now, this is what I need help with, it's not the first time this has happened either, the wife goes on for a minute or so explaining how "wee" is sometimes called "pee" and how I'm deliberately misunderstanding him for comic effect.
If this wasn't bad enough he then howls with laughter for about five minutes getting me to repeat what I said again and again, all the while jumping around in the bed and generally totally cured by my comedic genius.
This isn't the way it's meant to be, is it? Can I enrol in a local parenting class, or should I send my wife to couples therapy?
I came downstairs from taking a shower. Everything was going great ... Until I looked out in the kitchen and saw my dad sprawled out facedown on the floor. I only saw his bottom half, and I was too afraid to look through the doorway and see what the hell happened. I instantly freaked out and started yelling. I don't even remember what I said, but it was something like "What's going on?!?" or "What happened here?!?!" I don't even know what was going on in my head. I thought he passed out or had a heart attack or something. My dog was standing over him staring, looking really confused.
I pulled out my phone and tried to dial my mom, but I was too nervous. Then I realized that was stupid and I should call 911. (Keep in mind I was so panicked/freaked out that I hadn't even seen his face... If he died or something I didn't want to see it. I was terrified.) The whole time I was yelling "What happened??! What's going on?!?!" I dialed the 9, maybe the 1...
And he stands up, laughing. He wanted to see how I would handle the situation. His explanation was he "thought it would be funny to see how I'd act."
I can't unsee it. I honestly thought he collapsed from a heart attack or something. He thought the whole thing was hilarious.
Just walked up to my lovely lady, who was sitting at the computer.
Me, standing in left side of doorway: Hello.
LL: Hello.
Me, moving to right side of doorway: 🎼Hello from the other siiiiiide! 🎵🎶🎶
So, as soon as I heard this I knew I had to share it with /r/dadjokes...
We both enter the building at the same time, I'm just behind my neighbour in the doorway and he gets a little startled as I grab the door to let him through. He says to me "Oh hello! I didn't see you there! How are you?" I respond with my simple "I'm well, and yourself?" out of courtesy of course. This is when he starts telling me about his dream.
"Oh, I'm just terrible, I had a horrible dream last night"
My response: "oh no..."
"I dreamt I was a muffler."
"A muffler?"
"I woke up exhausted."
I had not choice but to laugh and think of one of my fondest subreddits...
I was asked to help chauffeur a carload of youth around town for a Christmas caroling activity last night. One of the names on the list was Jack, who lost his wife earlier this year. Jack is in his early 90's, stands about 5'2, and is quite possibly the king of all dad jokes.
So, the group of about 25 kids and 5 adults sneak up to his doorstep and begin singing a few short Christmas carols. Eventually, he opens the door and is thrilled to have visitors.
After we are finished singing and the kids are all running back to the vehicles to get out of the 15 degree weather, jack steps out of his doorway and on to his porch. He is wearing a light t-shirt and pajama pants... he was setting us up, and we took the bait, hook, line, and sinker.
Woman: Are you freezing?
Jack: No, I'm not freezing, I'm Jack (pause for laughter)
Jack: but if you hang on for just a minute, I can get freezing for you.
and then he just stood there smiling at us. It was precious. Come to find out, Jack is entering a retirement home in a few days because he is getting to the point that it is hard to take care of himself anymore.
Oh boy, those nurses are in for a treat once Jack gets settled in.
I was delivering my paper route when i saw one of my customers, frank, coming out of his doorway. I was talking to him about small-talk when one of his neighbors greets him.
"Hey Frank! How are you feeling?"
"I'm feeling alright." squeezes neighbors bicep "and how are you feeling?"
I love that guy.
I was standing in rhe doorway looking at the tv in my parents room, and I noticed from where they were, there was a lamp in the way of the tv. So I said, hey, there's a lamp in the way of the tv.
Dad: Sure is.
Me: So you cant see it.
Dad: I can see the lamp just fine.
-_-
