It escalated very quickly.
A wall
... is there a hellevator?
I'm opting for the ladder.
He needs to use the stairway to havefun
Godzillow
The fact that there's only a stairway to heaven but a highway to hell says a lot about the expected traffic numbers.
Itβs a stairway to heaven.
Today at work a different FedEx delivery dude shows up, makes the "dude you got a Dell!" reference (since he was delivering a computer) and then proceeds to say how we don't see those commercials anymore because the actor was jailed for marijuana possession. Everyone heard it wrong and thought our normal guy was in jail, to which my boss replies, "Weed? I thought that was a Gateway drug!"
HI Iβm Tim the turtle, yes a real turtle. And I would like to tell you the story of my best friend. I once had a friend by the name of Sam. Sam of course was a clam. A real live honest to goodness clam. He was my best buddy, but unfortunately he smoked and drank and ran around with loose women (and a few men). I was more of the goodie two shoes type. I never drank, never smoked, I didnβt even swear. But for some reason Sam and I were the best of friends. I guess you can say we were the epitome of opposites attracting. One day as we were hanging out walking along the beach Sam, after his fifth cigarette in a row, had a heart attack and died. I was heart broken. My best friend died right there in front of me and he never repented his evil ways. I was sure he would spend eternity in damnation. Sigh. Being the goodie two shoes type I was still extremely healthy well into my old age. I missed my friend terribly for many years. On his birthday I would host a party and invite his old stripper girlfriends and poker buddies around to relive stories. It was always a fun evening, but in the end left me more lonely than before. Eventually, my broken heart couldnβt stand it anymore and I too died. I was pleased to find that there was a heaven. Being an almost saint I was whisked directly past the line to the Pearly Gates to be greeted by St. Peter. A big grin erupted on his face and he came right around his desk to give me a great big hug. βTimβ, he said, βYou have been such a good person back on earth that God has asked me to grant you any wish you would like before even entering heavenβ. To say I was flabbergasted is an understatement. I thought for a minute, I guess God expected me to ask for more time on earth, but I knew what I really wanted to do was to visit with my old friend Sam. So I asked. Poor St. Peter didnβt know what to say. You know Sam is in Hell right? Well I knew that was a strong possibility so I wasnβt surprised. Peter excused himself for a while and went to check with the big guy himself. He was gone quite some time, but eventually he returned. Peter said my request was approved, but under a few conditions. First, I would have to carry a golden harp as a passport back into heaven. This harp could only be carried by a good soul so I couldnβt be replaced by a look alike demon. Second, I would have to return by midnight. God didnβt want me to face too much temptation. I agreed to these conditions and took the highway down to hell. (Nope n
... keep reading on reddit β‘So i made a pit stop at ol' GC to kill off a gift card from Xmas.
I needed one of those little plastic egg shakers (musicians will know) and some drum sticks. The two gentlemen were very rad & we stood around shootin' the shit for a bit.
Then the one who had my plastic shaker in his hand went to exhibit its shaker-y-ness only for it to fly out of his hands (on accident of course) and nail me in the chest.
The other gentleman responded with "That's not what he meant by drum throne!"
I swear I heard angels singing as they descended down a badly played Stairway to Heaven.
In our apartment complex they are remodeling the stairway. They have been trying to put up this dry wall but keep taking it down due to the poor cuts. However, one day I came home to discover the wall successfully installed! Texted my GF and the following happened. Me: "Hey they finally finished the stairs." Her: "I guess they are really stepping up their game."
I am so proud of her. She will make a great dad.
