What do cannibals serve at the beginning of dinner party?
Do they allow loud laughing in Hawaii?
……..
Or just a low ha? Don’t downvote me 🥺👉👈
How do you get up votes on reddit?
How do you keep a Redditor in suspense?
DO NOT spell "part" backwards!
How many times do you have to tickle an octopus to make it laugh?
Ten tickles!
Of course it only has eight of those.
So the first two were test tickles!
Why do pregnant cows have so much energy?
They're heavily calfinated
What do you call a man with a rubber toe?
I have finished childproofing my home but I didn't do a good job.
My kids are still able to get in the house.
So we all know that you find H2O inside a fire hydrant, but what do you find on the outside of a fire hydrant?
In surgery my doctor said, "So what do we have here?" I replied that I broke my arm in 12 places."
He replied, "Well, stop going to those places then!"
What do you call a man with no vacuum cleaner and itchy underwear ?
Novak Djokovic
(This is my fiancé’s favourite joke he wanted me to share with all of you because he thinks it will make me ‘Reddit famous’)
😂😅
What do you call a drunk person fumbling with their car keys?
A Mexican magician told his audience he would disappear on the count of three. He says “Uno...Dos...” *POOF*
...he disappeared without a Très
You can't do this to me. I know my rights!
My wife: You need to do more chores around the house.
Me: Can we change the subject?
My wife: Okay. More chores around the house need to be done by you.
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet
What do you call a dog that can do magic?
What do you call a caveman that likes to wander aimlessly?
Why do people say "we're running late " even when they're not running?
How do you determine the mass of a red hot chili pepper?
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now
What do a tick and the Eiffel Tower have in common?
How do you stop a fight between two blind people?
Say "I bet $10 on the one with the knife", and both will run away
How do you make the number one disappear?
You add "g" and it's GONE
Well someone had to do it
What do you call a typo on a headstone?
How do you know a dad jokes is a dad joke?
What do you call a wreath made of $100 bills?
How do you get to the cemetery?
It's just around the coroner!
What do you call a Mexican midget?
A paragraph
Because he’s too short to be an Essay
I told my daughter, “Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field.” Puzzled, she asked, “What’s that got to do with anything?” I chuckled, "Well, that means..."
From my 9 year old son: Dad, what hand do you wipe your bum with? Me: My right hand......
Response: EEEEEEEERRRRRRRRR, I use toilet paper.
Well played, boy.
What do you call a group of deaf people?
I don't know. But it is definitely not herd.
Hired a handyman to do some odd jobs around the house
He did every other thing on the list
Three things Christ promises he will never do: Won't leave you broken-hearted (Psalm 147:3), won't reject you (John 6:37), and won't leave you nor forsake you (Hebrews 13:5).
In essence, Jesus is never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you.
What do you call a magician who loses his magic?
How do you measure a snake? In inches, because they don’t have feet.
But you measure rattlesnakes in meters, because they have rhythm.
Every morning after waking up, the first thing I do is make my bed.
Tomorrow I’m returning this piece of junk to IKEA.
So there’s this Spanish magician. His main trick was performing a spectacular vanishing act. He said that he’d vanish on the count of three. “Uno” “Dos”
And then he vanished, without a tres.
Dad, do you know why it’s so dark at night?
No sun
EDIT: oh my god 1k upvotes! THIS like, tripled my post karma. You guys are incredible. Much love!
Where do you learn how to make ice cream?
What do you call a dead musician?
What do you call a bunch of rabbits walking backwards?
7yo daughter told me this one; How do lazy people stay in shape?
Do you know why it's called almond milk?
Because nobody would buy it if it was called nut juice.
Do you know what propaganda is?
It's when a British person gets a good look at something.
What font do they use for the letter noodles in Alphabet Soup?
What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals?
How do you make Lady Gaga cry?
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