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︎ Oct 09 2020
Two reactions to puns
π︎ 3k
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︎ Nov 21 2018
Aldi know how to pun down.
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︎ Jan 25 2020
I am new to puns
π︎ 52
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︎ Aug 16 2019
Credit goes to Puns on Facebook. I am partly colour blind and this is fβin funny!
π︎ 3k
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︎ May 11 2018
Did he mean to pun..?
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︎ Mar 16 2019
What would Reddit be named, if it was just dedicated to puns?
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︎ Nov 21 2017
I have a right to puns
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︎ Aug 12 2018
π︎ 51
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︎ Dec 15 2015
Doctor to patient do you smoke?
Patient: yes.
Doctor: marijuana, cigarettes, cigars, Vapes?
Patient: mostly brisket, and pork.
π︎ 11k
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︎ Dec 04 2020
Seems like a Bassless claim to me
π︎ 4k
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︎ Dec 08 2020
"Your underwear is much too tight and very revealing." I said to my wife.
She said, "Wear your own then, dickhead."
π︎ 18k
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︎ Dec 07 2020
I have a pencil that used to belong to William Shakespeare. He chewed it a lot.
Now, I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B!
π︎ 13k
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︎ Dec 10 2020
A blonde goes into a church and asks the minister, "How much does it cost to rent a church singing group?"He said,"Do you mean a choir?"
She said "Fine... How much does it cost to acquire a church singing group?"
π︎ 13k
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︎ Dec 05 2020
My wife: You need to do more chores around the house.
Me: Can we change the subject?
Her: Ok. More chores around the house need to be done by you.
π︎ 12k
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︎ Dec 01 2020
I was taught to never use the Oxford comma
by Mrs. Henderson, my high school English teacher and a first-rate whore.
π︎ 5k
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︎ Dec 09 2020
I built a model of Mount Everest and my son asked, βIs it to scale?β I replied, βNoβ¦β
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︎ Nov 23 2020
What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts?
π︎ 12k
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︎ Nov 24 2020
Iβve recently discovered Iβm terrified of elevators, so Iβm taking steps to avoid them.
I was a little afraid of speed bumps too, but Iβm slowly getting over them!
UPDATE: Thank you so much for all the upvotes and amazing responses, fellow Dad Joke lovers.
You make the world a happier place! π€©
π︎ 17k
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︎ Nov 12 2020
I told my daughter, "Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field." She said, "What's that got to do with anything?"
I said "That means it's pasture bedtime."
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︎ Nov 15 2020
To prove he was right, the flat earther walked to the edge of the Earth.
He eventually came around.
π︎ 5k
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︎ Dec 12 2020
My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
So I have an uncle, once removed.
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︎ Nov 26 2020
To kill a French vampire, you have to drive a baguette through it's heart.
Sounds easy, but the process is painstaking .
π︎ 16k
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︎ Nov 02 2020
The mayor in my city just passed law that male best friends have to have lunch together at least once a week
Well itβs not a law itβs a mandate
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︎ Nov 20 2020
Time to put on the costume
π︎ 4k
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︎ Nov 28 2020
As I put my car in reverse, I thought to myself...
βThis takes me back.β
π︎ 15k
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︎ Nov 08 2020
Why is it illegal to do reverse cowgirl in Alabama?
Because you donβt turn your back on family.
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︎ Dec 11 2020
I used to be the triangle player in a Jamaican band but I had to quit....
It was always just one ting after another.
Edit: Thanks for all the positive reactions to this joke. Iβm glad I could make a few of you chuckle today.
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︎ Nov 12 2020
My brother had to quit his job as a weightlifter because he wasn't strong enough.
He handed in his too weak notice yesterday.
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︎ Nov 13 2020
From Berlin to Warsaw in one tank
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︎ Nov 15 2020
Accordion to research, 9 out of 10 people don't notice when you replace words with random musical instruments.
Please donβt resort to violins and anger if you donβt notice.
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︎ Dec 06 2020
Why is βbeefstewβ an unsafe password to use?
Because itβs not Stroganoff.
π︎ 13k
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︎ Nov 07 2020
Are they allowed to LOL?
π︎ 4k
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︎ Nov 16 2020
Did you know you can actually listen to the blood in your veins?
You just have to listen varicosely
π︎ 9k
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︎ Nov 09 2020
My landlord texted saying we need to meet up and talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied back: βSure, my door is always open.β
π︎ 21k
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︎ Oct 27 2020
Dad to his son; βDo you want to hear a really good Batman impression!?β
Son; βGo on, then.β
Dad growls; βNOOOOO, NOT THE KRYPTONITE!β
Son; βThatβs Superman.β
Dad; βThanks, Iβve been practicing a lot.β
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︎ Oct 23 2020
Can one of the Mods please explain to me why my post was removed?
I'm really annoyed about this because now my fence has fallen over....
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︎ Oct 20 2020
Coming soon to a theater near you
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︎ Oct 26 2020
I have started carrying a piece of stone with me to throw at people who sing Christmas songs before Thanksgiving.
Itβs my jingle bell rock.
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︎ Oct 17 2020
I got tired trying to think of a good posting title for this one.
π︎ 5k
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︎ Oct 15 2020
I dream to be this commenter one day.
π︎ 3k
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︎ Oct 31 2020
Attila the Hun had a pet snake who refused to eat.
He tried everything: rodents, small animals, and even cuts from larger animals, but it wouldn't eat.
As a last resort, he offered a virgin, but still the snake wouldn't eat. So, he called up the village's wise man.
Without hesitation, the wise man put two pieces of bread on the woman, and the snake ate her whole.
When Attila asked why, the wise man responded,
"Thine anaconda don't want nun unless you've got buns, hun!"
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︎ Nov 14 2020
I personally want to see Radigascar
π︎ 387
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︎ Dec 07 2020
I donβt mean to brag, but I just put a puzzle together in 1 day...
and the box said 2-4 years!
π︎ 9k
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︎ Oct 24 2020
Here's a step-by-step guide on how to fall down stairs!
Step 28
Step 27
Step 24
Step 21
Step 16
Step 12
Step 7
Step 3
Step 1
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︎ Nov 26 2020
Which kidney to take?
π︎ 6k
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︎ Oct 05 2020
I've decided to invest all my money in soup stocks
I want to be a bouillonaire.
π︎ 375
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︎ Dec 02 2020
What would reddit be named if it was just dedicated to puns?
π︎ 124
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︎ Nov 01 2014
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