Dino-sore!
She's the last hair bender.
Because it was acidic
Me: So are you watching House again?
Him: Nope, I'm watching Mansion.
Me: I've literally never heard of that show. What's it about?
Him: It's kind of like House, just a lot bigger.
"If you talked to your hair they could be your curl friends." i got a real face palm. was awesome!
So my wife and I have two cats. One of the cats was sitting in such a way that his tail was hanging down and it was curled into a spiral. My wife said how perfect of a spiral it was. I told her to stop giving the cat attention: he is just being a spiral cat ham.
Take away its tiny brooms 🧹
You just need to take away their little brooms!
It’s a hard back
was surely the hot item to have in the 80's.
...yet hairdresser of year still eludes me.
"Well son, just take away their little brooms."
Expect some sweeping changes.
Call it Curl Runnings
Will Curl Up And Dye For You
Talk about hashtags!
They just want to like, dye.
(OC)
Curl up and dye
I'm not sure, but the awnser must be blood-curling.
My dad is an avid curler and plays all the time. Someone from the club calls and asks him to spare for him and he answers: 'I'm not a mechanic, I cant fix your spare." I slapped my face a little too hard.
He told me to hang upside down from a tree branch and curl my arms behind my back.
I said “weird flex but OK”
Curl up and dye.
Handkerchief - Cold storage
Beauty parlour - A place for women to curl up and dye
Each time we drive by the beauty school I attempt a dad joke. Here are some of my favorites.
I wonder how often they use highlighters in their coursework.
Do you think they have extension courses?
Students are dying to get out of there.
Does every teacher allow makeup work?
You know, they're doing the opposite of filing for unemployment.
I wonder how often they change the locks in there?
Do you think cutting class is a requirement?
Does each student have a permanent record?
Do my puns make you want to curl up and dye?
Sooooo... my oldest daughter curled her sister's hair this weekend... on the way home I started waving at her until she looked at me and asked me what I was doing... I told her that her hair was all wavy so I was waving back. She had the usual split second involuntary smile at the the corners of her mouth before she gave me a you-son-of-a-@#$%!-look ( http://imgur.com/D0UHimq )... because my kids refuse to acknowledge how funny I am... I laughed... and laughed...and I'm still laughing about it today...
My roommate asked us if she should curl her hair or straighten it Guy Roommate 1: "We like you so much better with curly hair" Guy Roommate 2: "Yeah, you're such a bitch when you straighten your hair" Me: "Seriously, your hair goes straight to your head!"
... (awkward silence followed by berating me with anti-pun comments, jealous)
Edit: grammar stuffs
For a little background my dad enjoys the more vulgar jokes. Anyway, he often jokes about his "company." In fact every time he answers the phone he answers as if it's a call towards his company.
(He answers the phone) "Hello this is the Viiiiibrator Repair Service." Caller - "the what?" Dad - "This is Dick Phitzwell's Vibrator Repair Service, as of right now only the installation department is available."
It's not a joke really cause there's no funny punchline. The caller normally laughs and then carries on with the call.
Another one he likes, "What does an 80 year old woman taste like?
Depends.."
The other day we are at the beach. We're walking back to our vehicle and he's carrying his metal detector in his hands. Random beachgoer - "Did you find anything?" Dad - "No, unfortunately my battery went dead... just like my ex-wife's 'curling iron' under her pillow."
There's many many more. I'll have to catalog them in some form. Let me know if you'd like to hear the life and times of Dick Phitzwell.
Me and my boyfriend were sitting in bed watching a James Bond movie when my cat crawled under the blanket and curled beside me. I said to him "she's under cover". He pulled up the blanket and started blowing on her - I asked him what he was doing, and he said "blowing her cover".
While visiting my brother at college, he roommate came and started talking with us. He proceeded to pick up one of his dumbbells and start doing some curls. He then tells me, 'I like to fuck around with this thing from time to time." My response, 'Well I hope you clean it after each session." My brother could barely hold back his laughter while the roommate starred at me then shook his head.
Me: I don't really like curling
Dad: You've gotta get the hang of it. It involves a lot of strategy. It's like chess.
Me: I don't really like chess either.
Dad: Well that's cause there's no mouse or toggle switch involved.
Me: Dad what's a toggle switch?
Dad: Not a toggle switch... Uh... What are those things called...
Me: Joysticks?
Dad: Yeah joysticks.
Me: Dad people don't use joysticks anymore.
Dad: So that's why people are so miserable all the time.
At a bar and curling is on and I make the remark "isn't it just cleaning?" Then my dad says
"do you think they have the position called sweeper"
You take away their brooms
How do you get Canadian bacon from curling in the frying pan???
You take away its little brooms!!!
Take away their brooms.
Take away it's tiny brooms.
You take away its tiny little broom!
You take away their little brooms
Take away their brooms.
You take their little brooms away.
You take away its tiny brooms
You take away his little broom
Take away it's tiny broom.
Take away its tiny brooms.
