Commander Puns

A list of puns related to "Commander"

What do you call a commander in Mcdonalds army?

A patty officer

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👤︎ u/prophet-five
📅︎ Oct 02 2020
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You’ll likely get this if you watched Russell Crowe in Master and Commander...
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👤︎ u/renoraid
📅︎ May 25 2020
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What did the russian commander say to his troops?

"We're late, stop Stalin, Putin some effort."

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👤︎ u/TheAdamStorm
📅︎ Jul 06 2020
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I had the pleasure of serving under one of the calmest commanders in the US Army

General Anesthesia always helped put internal disputes to bed.

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👤︎ u/DrDewinYourMom
📅︎ Jan 17 2020
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What do you call the Commander of a vegetable army?

A kernel.

Sorry guys, a bit corny that one.

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👤︎ u/Queef_Snortah
📅︎ Oct 30 2019
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What did the German commander say to the ticking clock?

Ve haf vays and means of making you tock.

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👤︎ u/Lord_Harkonan
📅︎ Jul 18 2019
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What did commander broccoli say to Sargent potato when he discovered that he was leaking information to the enemy?

You TAITOR!!!

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👤︎ u/Yup_Pup
📅︎ Apr 09 2018
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Why couldn’t the submarine commander get to the surface after joining Reddit?

He couldn’t get any up-boats

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👤︎ u/GotMyOrangeCrush
📅︎ Jan 08 2019
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Master and Commander - Weevil (Xpost from r/videos) youtube.com/watch?v=440l8…
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👤︎ u/thecityhasnosay
📅︎ Aug 25 2018
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How many ears does Commander Spock have?

Three: the left ear, the right ear and the final frontier!

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👤︎ u/neolobers
📅︎ Aug 18 2016
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What do you call the pocket change of a ship's commander?

The captain's quarters

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👤︎ u/Oktayey
📅︎ Aug 25 2018
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A nervous soldier had jumped from a helicopter. He Radioed to his commander: "Are you sure these parachutes are safe?"

The commander chuckled, reassuring the solider. "We've had no complaints about them."

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👤︎ u/-Vinushka-
📅︎ Nov 27 2017
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Many seem to think military commanders are real tough guys

They are actually pretty general folk

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👤︎ u/acedace
📅︎ Jan 22 2018
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What do you call a U-Boat commander's pet dog?

A subwoofer.

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👤︎ u/paranoid_cyborg
📅︎ Jun 21 2017
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What did the Commanding General of the United States Army say after having his budget approved?

Tanks for that.

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👤︎ u/Kielbasa_Crotch_Kid
📅︎ Dec 08 2020
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Teacher : “Can you list the 10 Commandments in any order”

Johnny: “3, 5, 6, 1, 8, 9, 2, 4, 10 and 7”

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👤︎ u/cwwspurs
📅︎ Nov 08 2020
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Picture Perfect Puns

Ancient Scot Richard's Warriors: Dick's Picts

Loki - Trick pics (from my brother)

Pictures of an Adam Sandler movie: "Click" pics.

Pictures of a Kaitlin Olson character: The Mick's pics

Screenahots of these comments: Wit pics

Leaky faucet: drip pics

X1 Cumberbatch photos: Benedict pics

X2 Pope photos: Benedict pics (also works)

X3 Turncoat snaps: Benedict pics

X4 "Wong" image: Benedict pics

Legal command: Writ pics

Pictures of twigs: Stick pics

A Christmas Story scene: lick pics

Pictures of a Winter Saint: Nick pics

Syringe photos: prick pics (from a friend)

Sporting goods store images: Dick's pics.

Dan Harmon cartoon character: Rick's pics.

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👤︎ u/AndySkibba
📅︎ Feb 18 2021
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Did you know you can change the breed of your poodle by teaching it to giggle on command?

It will change the breed of your dog into a snicker-doodle.

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👤︎ u/Youtuatoot
📅︎ Aug 05 2020
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Remotely Yours

So we had this issue yesterday where secure shell commands were failing from our newly enabled backup system to a downstream application.

I logged in manually using the correct credentials to confirm the keys were fine, but I noticed it was the first time in known hosts, so i typed “yes” to put the entry in and figured that would fix it.

When the problem came back today, I was surprised at first, but then it hit me...

Same ssh -t different server...

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👤︎ u/KCandIO
📅︎ Feb 04 2021
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I'm 5'11½, but tell everyone I'm 6'0"

On my first day of being an army recruit, we were all lined up and the instructor commanded that those 6 feet and over step forward. Even though I was shy of ½inch, I stepped forward, along with 15 others.

. After I looked around me, I realized I was noticeably the tallest.

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👤︎ u/dwele_music
📅︎ Jan 29 2021
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"Plagiarism squad reporting for duty"

"Copy that."

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👤︎ u/VERBERD
📅︎ Dec 02 2020
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Why was the captain of the USS Roosevelt relieved of command?

The Navy hates leaks.

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👤︎ u/amart612
📅︎ Apr 03 2020
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We got a new dog at the weekend, he only obeys commands in Spanish....

He is Espanyol

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👤︎ u/clarknova77
📅︎ Aug 20 2019
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[OC] The Final, Most Essential Command
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👤︎ u/ADAlverde
📅︎ Sep 01 2019
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Where are our desssssks
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👤︎ u/HemperorSean
📅︎ Apr 28 2019
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Did you hear about the Native American cook who rose up to become second in command at Bobby Flay's restaurants?

He was a Sioux chef.

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👤︎ u/xwhy
📅︎ Nov 22 2019
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What do you call the head coach of the Kansas City football team?

Commander in Chiefs.

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👤︎ u/TwoDimensionalCube83
📅︎ Sep 29 2020
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Which day of the year commands you to do something?

March Fourth

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👤︎ u/necramencer
📅︎ Mar 05 2019
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What do you call a robotic dog, that take commands through bluetooth?

Rott-wireless

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👤︎ u/snakegear50
📅︎ Nov 27 2018
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It's true! The Clinton Administration's second in command DID invent the internet!

Look at any web page's source and you will see an Al Gore-ithm

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👤︎ u/thomasbrakeline
📅︎ Nov 20 2018
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There's no escape
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👤︎ u/not_sample_text
📅︎ May 28 2019
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Proof that priests break the eighth commandment all the time imgur.com/I2ny6zu
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👤︎ u/JewInator
📅︎ Dec 14 2017
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Why will button controlled remotes always be better than voice command?

It goes without saying.

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👤︎ u/loopythemexicankitty
📅︎ Feb 26 2018
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Today’s Command Day

March Fourth

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👤︎ u/darthpool117
📅︎ Mar 04 2019
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What is a dancer's favorite video game series?

Command and Conga

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👤︎ u/PainHarbingerIsHere
📅︎ Sep 05 2020
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Son: dad, what does it mean to be a man? Dad: It means to be the one that command! To be the one that take all the decisions at home.

One day I want to be a man like mom :)

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👤︎ u/yubimarcano
📅︎ Mar 28 2018
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I had to highlight this gem from r/Skyrim
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👤︎ u/Queen_OwO
📅︎ Dec 29 2019
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What do you call a commanding officer whose briefings always put you to sleep?

General Anaesthesia.

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👤︎ u/cobblecloth
📅︎ Nov 16 2018
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In the future...

In 1,000 years, snails will evolve into being an advanced civilization. They will develop their own advanced technologies. In an effort to increase their mobility, they will equip their shells to be modular vehicles called Snail Cars, S-Car for short. Since snails do not have upper extremities, controlling the cars will be voice activated. The initiation command would be, "S-Car, GO!" 😂🤣

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👤︎ u/Dan_the_Man0904
📅︎ Jul 15 2020
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Moses had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.

But that tablet only had 10 commands.

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👤︎ u/MacItaly
📅︎ Jul 14 2020
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That was gneiss of him
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👤︎ u/________76________
📅︎ Sep 10 2018
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My dog only listens to commands in Spanish.

He’s Espanyol

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👤︎ u/1Calv
📅︎ Aug 15 2019
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My dog only understands commands in Spanish..

He's Espanyol

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👤︎ u/cinnamontheo
📅︎ Feb 16 2018
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My dog only responds to commands spoken in Spanish...

He’s Espanyol.

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👤︎ u/madazzahatter
📅︎ Jun 23 2018
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