"Hey!! How long have you been chopping wood for?"

"Not sure, let me check my logs."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 16
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 03 2021
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I cut my finger chopping cheese

but I think that I may have grater problems.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 31
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/lolyfe-dc
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 06 2020
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A man was chopping down a tree but was surprised when the tree suddenly exclaimed, "Wait! I'm a talking tree!"

then he responded, "And you will dialogue!"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 154
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/chopinsbach
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 13 2020
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I cut my foot whilst chopping wood

It was an axeident waiting to happen

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BANGexclamationmark
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 12 2020
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I was chopping apples today.

Some did not make the cut.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/PerfectlyWorthwhile
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 20 2020
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A lumberjack was at work one day and was just about to start chopping down a tree.

Suddenly the tree spoke β€˜WAIT! Don’t chop me down, I’m a talking tree!’

The lumberjack chuckled darkly and simply stated β€˜And now you will dialogue’

πŸ‘οΈŽ 17
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/audrey_heart93
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 09 2020
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A young man wants to become a lumberjack, so he goes to the forest and starts chopping.

After a few days of doing this, he realizes he is simply not fit for this type of job. On his final day of trying to chop down trees, he notices an old scrawny man chopping down trees as if he was a woodpecker, the amount of hits he made grew more and more each swing. The first swing was one hit, the next, ten hits, the next one, a hundred hits, and the next one after that, a thousand. He kept swinging until the tree he was swinging at was chopped down. Amazed, the young man walks over to the old man and asks, "Sir, what is your secret, how do you chop them down so quickly?"

The old man turns and says, "It's all about the rhythm." Puzzled by the old man's answer, the young man returned home pondering what he said.

The next morning, he was motivated to keep trying to be a lumberjack. "If an old scrawny man can do it, so can I!" he thought.

So he went back to the forest, and tried to use his advice. Trying to time each swing, he realizes this simply doesn't work. Later in the day, he sees the old man again, comes up to him, and asks, "I tried to time my swings, but it does no more than just chopping normally. How do you do it?"

"You can't just make up any old rhythm and follow it, you have to find a very specific one," he says, "you have to find the Logger-rhythm."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MaximusMatrix
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 11 2020
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I was chopping vegetables for dinner

But then I saw the pizza burning so I had to cut it short.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/smithsea2
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 04 2020
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The Grim Reaper appeared in beside me when I was chopping up some carrots in my kitchen.

He took his scythe and started chopping the carrots with me. Very scary when you are dicing with death.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 23 2020
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Why are mobsters expert at chopping down trees?

Because they're goodfellers.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 13 2020
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I’ve discovered the secret to avoid crying while chopping onions:

Try not to get emotionally attached.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/KelKira
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 18 2019
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Santa accidentally cut himself while chopping up potatoes.

He was making a batch of chips.

Cringle cut.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/alliedcola
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 07 2019
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My dad isn't very good at chopping down trees.

But he knows a feller who is.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 14 2019
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While making dinner last night I asked my wife if she knew which celebrity failed out of cooking school for not chopping enough.

she had no idea it was Julianne Moore... and I had no idea her eyes could roll like that.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SoNotCool
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 10 2018
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My dad texted me this while I was at the emergency room after chopping the tip off of my finger.

I had cooked smoked sauasge and was chopping jalapeΓ±os and cut the tip off my finger.

He texted me while at the emergency room commenting on the sausages:

"The sausages are really good but there is something different about them and I can't quite put my finger on it"

He followed up with this when my girlfriend and I returned from the hospital:

"Elizabeth are you hungry? We have some finger sandwiches if you are."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Firm_as_red_clay
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 09 2016
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A man is chopping down a tree…

The tree says to the man, β€œWait, I’m a talking tree.”

The man continues to chop and replies, β€œAnd you well dialogue.”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/GreenLeafGreg
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 20 2020
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β€œHow long have you been chopping wood for?”

β€œNot too sure. Let me check the logs.”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 41
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 12 2020
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β€œHow long have you been chopping wood for?”

β€œNot sure. Let me check the logs.”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7k
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 02 2018
🚨︎ report
A young man wants to become a lumberjack, so he goes to the forest and starts chopping.

After a few days of doing this, he realizes he is simply not fit for this type of job. On his final day of trying to chop down trees, he notices an old scrawny man chopping down trees as if he was a woodpecker, the amount of hits he made grew more and more each swing. The first swing was one hit, the next, ten hits, the next one, a hundred hits, and the next one after that, a thousand. He kept swinging until the tree he was swinging at was chopped down. Amazed, the young man walks over to the old man and asks, "Sir, what is your secret, how do you chop them down so quickly?"

The old man turns and says, "It's all about the rhythm." Puzzled by the old man's answer, the young man returned home pondering what he said.

The next morning, he was motivated to keep trying to be a lumberjack. "If an old scrawny man can do it, so can I!" he thought.

So he went back to the forest, and tried to use his advice. Trying to time each swing, he realizes this simply doesn't work. Later in the day, he sees the old man again, comes up to him, and asks, "I tried to time my swings, but it does no more than just chopping normally. How do you do it?"

"You can't just make up any old rhythm and follow it, you have to find a very specific one," he says, "you have to find the Logger-rhythm."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MaximusMatrix
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I cut my finger chopping cheese.

but i think i may have grater problems

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/RussiaIsMyCity
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 13 2020
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I cut my finger chopping cheese...

But it think that I may have grater problems!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 20
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Tanmaythegr8
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 30 2019
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I cut my finger chopping cheese

But i have Grater problems

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SideOfInsanity
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 05 2019
🚨︎ report
I cut my finger chopping cheese...

I think I may have grater problems

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/JonRanch1989
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 29 2018
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While I was cooking for my kids today, I cut my finger chopping cheese...

...but I think that I may have grater problems.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 32
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 07 2016
🚨︎ report

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