Got any tips you can share?
It's a POS device
He put a pistol to my head and yelled, "Don't do anything smart."
"Um," I stuttered. "Sure...OK."
"Open the cash register!" he yelled.
"I don't know how to."
He said, "Don't be dumb."
I said, "Fucking hell, make your mind up."
It will be a very sad day when Kevin Bacon dies.
The bitter, better-batter bought her butter!
It was a mist opportunity.
Because he couldnβt liquidate any assets.
Oh? You thought it was because he was short-handed? Wow. Thatβs what you get for assuming.
((My wife gets annoyed because when I ask a lighthearted question I always multiple replies ready to go; so, if she gets it right the first time I just redirect with a different reply. Keepinβ her on her toes!))
She was checking me out!
ATM
Now I have ten ants.
Big Farmer
I just can't think of one atm
It folded
For Pete's sake, I guess he wants me to pay for it myself!
He did a lovely job of the landing.
I told her he is my small arms dealer.
Because they never know when a bit of extra dough might be kneaded!
Background: My family was at the lake today. The lake was a little choppy today so when we went on the boat we hit one really big wave where the front end of the boat came crashing down hard. My nephew (7) just happened to be sitting on a cup holder and it hurt his butt when we landed.
We got back to the house and my nephew said...
Nephew: my butt hurts. I think its broken.
Me: did I ever tell you about the time I broke my butt?
Nephew: no. Is it still broken?
Me: yeah. Thereβs a big crack in it still.
He didnβt get it. But all the other adults laughed/rolled their eyes. Stupid joke I know, but I donβt care.
The Czech Republic
A harmoney
When he got there, a woman extended her hand.
"Good afternoon, sir," she said. "My name is Patricia Wack. How may I help you today?"
Kermit replied, "Hi-ho, Patricia! I'm Kermit the Frog, and I would like to borrow some money."
They walked over to her desk and sat down.
"Certainly, Mr. Frog--"
"Oh, just call me Kermit."
"Okay... Kermit. How much money would you like to borrow?"
"Ten thousand dollars."
Mildly surprised, Ms. Wack looked intently at Kermit.
"Do you have any references?"
"Well, I suppose I could use my father, Keith Richards."
Ms. Wack froze for a second, then...
"THE Keith Richards?"
"Oh, yes. In fact, he told me he's friends with your manager, which is why I came in here."
"Okay... Do you have any collateral?"
"Excuse me?"
"Collateral. Something of value, like a car, or a boat..."
"Oh, yes! I do have something. I have this."
Kermit reached into his briefcase and placed a small figurine on the desk. Patricia looked curiously at the object, then at our amphibious friend.
"What's this?"
"It's a Hummel."
"A what?"
"A Hummel. They're supposed to be quite valuable. Well, at least this one is to me."
She picked up the Hummel and stood up.
"If you don't mind, I would like to show this to the manager."
"Oh, no! I don't mind at all!"
So, Patricia took the Hummel to the manager's office, knocked on the door, and walked inside.
"Patricia! What can I do for you?"
"Mr. Wilson, there's this... frog named Kermit at my desk, and he wants to borrow $10,000, but he has only this for collateral."
Mr. Wilson looked at the Hummel, then out to her desk.
"I don't see anything out of order here."
"But, Mr. Wilson--"
"Look, it's a knick-knack, Patty Wack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
He gave me counter fit money.
I canβt think of any atm.
I made many many many many many money drawings.
In the end he was just throwing money down the drain.
It says press 1 for the money or 2 for the show.
She commented, "that's an odd amount." I told her for being a math honors student, I would think she'd recognize that 46 is an even number.
She rated my comment a 6 out of 10 on the Dad joke scale.
Wouldn't that be 'money laundering'?
What a half-baked attempt at making dough.
He said "Cheque , mate"
Because they sell themselves short.
Pay Alimony.
It'll be called Soup or Hero.
Such a waist of time!
For the love of God, don't let Kevin Bacon pass away
He made a lovely job of the landing.
...a POS?
It says press 1 for the money or 2 for the show
