“Can you help me with the curtains? I need to make sure the carpet matches the drapes.”
And THAT is a sexual in-your-window!
I told my carpenter not to carpet my steps.
He gave me a blank stair.
I’ve got a tip for a horse in tomorrow’s big race, it’s won all its races, it’s called “dusty carpet”
I tried flying on a magic carpet
It was a rugged experience
Why was the carpet lying around?
It was feeling a bit ruggish
The first five florists I called today knew absolutely nothing about laying carpet or tile.
And suddenly I’m the idiot....
What do Mexican people put under their carpet?
Napoleon was visiting a friend at his new estate. The friends great pride was his lavatory which was a big room with pottet plants, beautiful tapestries and carpets. When Napoleon saw this he was gobsmacked and exclaimed "What a loo!"
A young man worked at a carpet selling business
A young man worked at a carpet selling business and one day his boss came up to him and said:
"We have been impressed with how you sell the products. We're going to send you to a carpeting convention in Las Vegas so you can learn all the tricks of the trade. We will pay for your flights, accommodation, and all your food!"
The young man was excited and went and got ready for his trip. The day of the trip came and the young man's boss called and asked him if he was excited for his adventure to which the young man replied:
"Yes I am! I'm gonna seize the day because I've got a carpet per diem"
My tailor kept yanking my pant leg til it dragged across the carpet.
"Bro, would you cut me some slack?"
What does a Mexican carpet fitter usually shout as he's starting a new fit?
Why did the carpet have no friends?
People just walked all over him.
My cat just got sick on the carpet
Guess he’s not feline so good.
I caught my toddler peeing on the carpet
I politely asked him to piss off
Aladdin banned from flying carpet racing! Sources say…
…for use of performance enhancing rugs…
What did the carpet say to the floor?
Why is a carpet fitter so good at dancing?
He's always cutting the rug
I hear that the Arctic Monkeys recently sold a Carpet to the current Real Madrid manager.
I bet that it looks good on Zidane's floor.
I'd tell you about my German Shepherd shedding in the carpet
But it's really just a doggy shag story.
Hey, honey! This carpet looks great! I think it'll make a...
What’s a carpet’s favorite sport?
What do you call an old carpet?
Neutering an animal makes it infertile. Making its hide into carpet squares makes it fur tile.
Dad sees a dog in a car in-front of a furniture store: What a cute carpet.
What do spanish carpet fitters put under their carpets?
What is the carpet of choice for Eskimos?
If I owned a carpet store
I’d name it “Carpet Diem”
What's the best seller at the Mexican carpet store?
What did the mexican carpet layer tell his boss they need more of?
What does Marty McFly skate on that also cleans his carpet?
Guess what my dad just yelled at the dog for peeing on the carpet?
How does the Spanish carpet fitter get his workman to hurry up?
Underlay! Underlay!
Xpost: Jokes
The first five florists I called today knew absolutely nothing about laying carpet or tile.
And suddenly I’m the idiot.....
My cat was just sick on the carpet.
I don't think she's feline well!
What does a Mexican have under his carpet?
Traveling on a magic carpet
Is a very rugged experience.
What did the carpet say to the floor
Hold it right there buddy I got you covered
My cat has been throwing up all over my carpet lately.
I don't think it's feline well.
No carpet!
I told my contractor I didn't want carpet on the steps. He gave me a blank stair.
My cat threw up on the carpet
I don’t think he’s feline well
What did the Mexican put under their carpet?
What does a Mexican put under his carpet?
My cat was sick on the carpet,
I don't think it's feline well
What did the Mexican carpet seller yell to all his customers??
What does a Mexican put below his carpet?
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