Calves Puns

Because they are half a cow.

ICMOO

I still don’t know how it was supposed to help, but my calves ran away.

I miss Luigi and Maria.

"I killed these ten Dons..."

The instructor said, "How the hell did you bring the cows here?"

It makes him veal offal.

Wife: My calves are achin' Me: Maybe you should drink some milk... Wife: WTF, why? Me: Maybe they're just hungry...

... are my calves mooing.

Because she had a nice pair of calves.

Depends on the calves job.

A small group of calves were munching on my front flower beds, and mooving slowly towards the woods. Thought about calling the cops to report a bunch of mooligans, but I didn't really have a beef with them. Haven't seen hide nor hair of them since!

to see her two calves watching tv, she grabs the remote, turns it off and says “okay you two. time to hit the hay, it’s pasture bedtime.”

Because he couldn't keep his calves together.

Now she's de-calf-enated.

The King is in love with the Spanish Armada, in fact you could say he warships it.

I got into a fight with a group of jesters, I escaped by going for the juggler.

I recently read "Gulliver's Travels" it was a Swift read.

Have you read the book about traveling through hell? It's a Dante-ing read.

Q: How many animals can you fight into the Lord High Sheriff's tights? A: Ten piggies, two calves, a rooster and an ass.

Vikings raided the royal cheese supply, they left nothing behind but de Brie.

I met a wizard, I told him he looked like a mana action.

The unskilled mason forget to put a water supply in the new castle. He did not keep well.

The angry archer was so surly he had everyone convinced he was a cross bowman.

The failed stone cutter also lost his job as a bounty hunter. He could never find his quarry.

The nun kept spilling sacramental wine on herself. She made a bad habit of it.

The pope enjoys chocolate on his boat. He like sailing indulgences.

The pope loves summer, they say he is infallible.

Two fae fell in love. They keep fauning over each other.

The knight suffered from boils, he had to get them lanced.

Why did the wood nymph use some much lotion? Because she had dryad skin.

To keep their calves strong

A cowincedence. Ha... hahaha... hahaaaaa I'm sorry.

My response "I bet his calves were sore after that one"

and I've done a bit of research so I was describing how to begin:

I said, "sit in a comfortable position, pay attention to breathing. Relax your calves, then your thighs, then your feet..."

She said, "hold on, shouldn't we start with feet first then move up to calves, then thighs and so on? Why are you starting with calves?"

I said, "we start with the calves because they're sacred in India."

The calves

I bike up and down a very large hill to get to work every morning

Co-worker: "You're going to have huge calves by the end of the summer!"

Me: "Yeah, they'll be so big they will probably be cows!"

It was a busy day we had a whole bunch baby cows born today and our calve pens are now completely full:

Me: If we get any more calves this barn is going to turn into a mad house...

Manager: Yea any more babies and it will be complete and udder madness

Background: I have the names and birth dates of each of my two daughters on my calves. 12 year old on the right, 8 year old in the left.

Today, my eldest was looking at my tats and said to the babysitter, "Well, I guess I'm 'all right' with dad!".

The baby sitter said something to the effect of, "That's silly."

So I looked at my daughter, winked and said to the babysitter, "Well, she is right."

He mentioned his wife's sister, who grew up on a farm, was kicked out of FFA (Future Farmers of America).

"How?"

"She couldn't keep her calves together."

The collective groaning was incredible.