Due to my flatulent habits my daughters have started calling me "Farther"
They didn't like it when I retaliated with...
"Daughturds"
The German government is calling for everybody to stock up on sausage and cheese in case of a second lockdown.
It's the Wurst-käse-scenario
I've started calling my daughter Joseph
Because every nite at bed time she's Stalin.
A furniture store keeps calling me..
All I wanted was one night stand.
My wife keeps calling me a simple machine.
Getting quite tired of my friends calling me a pathological liar
Being the head of the NSA during the week and captaining the International Space Station on the weekends can be very exhausting
It always sounds like my Italian neighbor is calling my doorbell cute.
He insist it is adoorabell.
I don't really understand the game of starting out calling plays for T-ball games then advancing to calling plays in the World Series...
The whole idea of Forge of Umpires confuses me.
Siri kept calling me Shirley this morning. I was starting to get really pissed off, and then I realized why...
I left my phone in Airplane mode
There was a 6 fingered man that everyone kept calling Tommy. Why?
Stop calling me orange! Impeach!
I angered two people today by calling them hipsters...
Apparently, the correct term is conjoined twins...
My dad just got a bidet and said he’s calling it The Enterprise
because it goes around Uranus killing Klingons
"hello, thank you for calling Hannibal's..."
I got fired for calling in sick with Coronavirus.
I guess I shouldn’t have told them I have the booze flu.
Tried calling the tinnitus helpline...
But it just kept ringing.
Well I'm not calling you a truther
What do you calling it when your in milk up to you're eybrows
Pasteurize (past your eyes)
I’m writing a musical work based on Timon and Pumbaa from the Lion King. I’m calling it the Hakuna Cantata.
Danger, Fear, and Panic came knocking at my door. It'd been ten years since the last visit, and all holding clipboards, were ready to begin the inquisition. Nervously, I opened the door and prepared myself to answer their calling.
"The crow seemed to be calling his name", thought Kaw
Calling all dads with jokes: What's a good "dad joke" to work into my proposal for my girlfriend tonight?
Gonna do it at a nice steakhouse. Thinking about what I should say, but I also want to throw in a "dad joke" to make her laugh a bit since she likes those.
Man claims unfair lifetime ban from curry house for calling Chicken Tika Masala shit...
The chef said it’s Korma.
An edible pale green seed of an Asian tree is very very angry with you for calling him a nut.
How do you answer the phone when your dad keeps repeatedly calling you?
My wife told me, “Don’t stress out if people keep calling you fat...”
..”You are much bigger than that.”
Me (calling out): Hey kid! Pretend to be a cat!
Calling Girls Whore Is Whore-Able
There's this guy who's been staying in one spot at the park for days without sitting or laying. People are calling him super amazing. I personally just think..
I hear that Audi is going to rename their pickups for the US market by calling it the Audi Pardner.
An old doodle I found on my phone! “Pot calling the kettle black”
Trump's latest rant: STOP CALLING ME ORANGE!
Since my cat is getting old, I'm gonna start calling him by a new name
“I told you Doc!! I’ve got fatigue and my heart keeps skipping a beat! Why do you keep calling me a liar??
Doctor: “Sir, I’ll say it again, that’s A Fib!”
Sorry, It’s not a good hearted joke.
Calling all pun masters: Voting closes in a few days!
My wife keeps calling me a pedo
That's a big word for a seven year old.
I almost answered the phone when my talkative German brother-in-law was calling me, but thankfully I recognized the number.
My local furniture store keeps calling me but...
All I wanted was one night stand
A girl at the furniture store keeps calling me.
All I wanted was one night stand
A furniture store keeps calling me
All i wanted is a one night stand
A furniture store keeps calling me...
All I wanted was one night stand.
My phone kept calling me Shirley this morning
I had forgotten to take it off of airplane mode.
A furniture store keeps calling me
All I wanted was one night stand
I angered two people today by calling them hipsters...
Apparently the correct term is conjoined twins...
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