I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping onions which made me cry

Onions was a good dog

πŸ‘︎ 95
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MasterDistrict1
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03
🚨︎ report
How do you make Lady Gaga cry?

Poker Face

πŸ‘︎ 473
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ExtraSure
πŸ“…︎ May 07
🚨︎ report
My dad had a piece of skin from his shoulder grafted to his nose today. I'm just glad he'll always have a shoulder to cry on.

I also told him "now you'll be able to put your nose up at someone and give them the cold shoulder at the same time"

He thought I was "very punny"

πŸ‘︎ 72
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 13
🚨︎ report
Why did the cookie cry?

His parents were a wafer so long

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/snoopseanie
πŸ“…︎ May 27
🚨︎ report
Why do you never see Wonder Woman or the Amazons cry?

They don’t want to smear Themyscira

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 18
🚨︎ report
A guard’s boss didn’t bother congratulate him on his recent success and started to cry.

Seeing this, a robber sneaked past, and when the boss ended up being in the next room, the boss asked, β€œhow’d you get past security?” In response to this, the robber said β€œyou let your guard down.”

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MarmaladeMellow
πŸ“…︎ May 25
🚨︎ report
Do you remember when you were a kid and whenever you cried, your parents would say, β€œI’ll give you a reason to cry!?" I always thought they were going to hit me...

...not that they were going to destroy the housing market 20 years later.

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17
🚨︎ report
Could this be a cry for help?
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/copingandhoping
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30
🚨︎ report
What starts with an β€œO” and ends with β€œnions” and sometimes make you cry?

Opinions

πŸ‘︎ 121
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sayan_dutta7
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14
🚨︎ report
What's blue and cries?

Baby blue

(Anna, age 10, after I told her "What's blue and not very heavy?" "Light blue")

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/peterburk
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11
🚨︎ report
I always cry when I watch documentaries about earthquakes

They are all so moving.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dalownerx3
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27
🚨︎ report
I... I think imma cry 😒
πŸ‘︎ 105
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheWizardSquirrel
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20
🚨︎ report
If the winner of a competition cries happy tears, what does the runner up cry?

Second tears.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/logansworth
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31
🚨︎ report
Do you know what it sounds like when a whale cries?

Blubber, blubber, blubber, blubber!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03
🚨︎ report
what ya gonna cry or somthin?
πŸ‘︎ 154
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheWizardSquirrel
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20
🚨︎ report
What do you call a gun that cries?

A musket tear

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Wippwipp
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04
🚨︎ report
What do the cats of opera singers cry for?

Oh, for tuna.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DerPidder
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18
🚨︎ report
Why did the guy with erectile dysfunction always cry in the movies

He's a softy

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wushock4
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16
🚨︎ report
Studies show that the Moderna and Pfizer vaccines are causing people to cry

While this is minor, doctors haven't seen this side effect with the Johnson & Johnson vaccine.

This is thanks to their no tears formula.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/salawm
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12
🚨︎ report
Good news! I made a potion that makes you cry cakes!

However the first person who tried it is still crying endless tiers!

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jlionbad
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18
🚨︎ report
*This is a literal Dad Joke my father used to tell when I was a kid about 30 years ago. He's almost 80 now and it still makes him laugh.* - So, there was this man named James Fart. Everybody made fun of him since he was very young. "James Fart! James Fart" the bullies used to make him cry...

He came of age among this suffering and at 21 was finally able to legally change his name. He arrived at the government office where he presented himself:

-I'm James Fart and I want to legally change my name!

Of course they laughed at him (everybody did) but eventually they all settled and came around to the situation.

-Ok, so... your current name is.. Β·chucklesΒ· James Fart... I'm sorry, I just...

-I know, everybody has been laughing at my name since as long as I can remember.

After a long and tedious process, everything is ready.

-Very well, sorry for the delays but you know how hard this protocols are. The good news: you are no longer "James Fart", what name do you want instead?

-Charles Fart.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gone11gone11
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do puppets cry?...

Because of puppet tears

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Raaxen
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03
🚨︎ report
What is a child most likely going to cry?

Whine o' clock

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VoidyPants
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Grape’s don’t cry when they get crushed...

But they do let out a little β€œwine”!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Loveland_622
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03
🚨︎ report
My wife said that onions are the only vegetable that makes her cry

So I threw a pumpkin at her

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mrjaxson1111
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
🚨︎ report
What day of the week cries the most?

Sadderday

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GAMICK13
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the pencil cry?

Because it wasn't #1

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Slymood
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Why does a bride always cry at her wedding?

Cus she never marries the best man

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SnooAvocados7098
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
🚨︎ report
*Cries in valentine's day*
πŸ‘︎ 737
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/satire_scull
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I once sat next to a baby on a 10 hour flight. I had no idea that it was possible for someone to cry for 10 hours straight.

Even the baby was impressed.

πŸ‘︎ 75
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
🚨︎ report
cries in thirsty
πŸ‘︎ 198
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Alaskan_Lost
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do I always cry when I wake up?

It’s too early in the mourning!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/papserk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
🚨︎ report
What body of water should you never cry in front of?

The Crimea river

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
🚨︎ report
My brother thinks he's the smartest person alive. He thinks onions are the only foods that can make you cry.

So I threw a coconut at him.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What colour is an instruction to cry out in pain?

Yell "ow"

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kishenoy
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I just dad joked my accounting professor and made her cry from laughing.

Someone asked about extra credit.

Professor: "I'm sorry I don't give extra credit in this class"

Me: "yeah but do you give extra debit?"

πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAugustusCaesar
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2017
🚨︎ report
The beginning of the book is so sad that I've just been able to cry for years...

But I think it's time to turn the page.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the cookie cry?

Because his father was a wafer so long!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29
🚨︎ report
What starts with 'O' and ends with 'nions' and sometimes make you cry?

Opinions.

πŸ‘︎ 52
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/1963Jan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you make Lady Gaga cry?

Poker face.

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/red_snake0329
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20
🚨︎ report
What starts with β€œo” and ends with β€œnions” and sometimes make you cry?

opinions

πŸ‘︎ 120
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/leolannister
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Grapes don't cry when they're crushed

But they do wine

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/prowlerunderrated
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do brides cry at the wedding ?

Because they never marry the best man !

πŸ‘︎ 49
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Do you remember when you were a kid and whenever you cried, your parents would say, β€œI’ll give you a reason to cry!?"

I always thought they were going to hit me, not that they were going to destroy the housing market 20 years later.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did the baby cookie cry?

Because his mom had been a wafer so long.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MagicGuy66
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I just sat next to a baby on a 12 hour flight. I had no idea that someone could cry for 12 hours straight.

Even the baby seemed impressed.

πŸ‘︎ 78
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2019
🚨︎ report

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