*This is a literal Dad Joke my father used to tell when I was a kid about 30 years ago. He's almost 80 now and it still makes him laugh.* - So, there was this man named James Fart. Everybody made fun of him since he was very young. "James Fart! James Fart" the bullies used to make him cry...

He came of age among this suffering and at 21 was finally able to legally change his name. He arrived at the government office where he presented himself:

-I'm James Fart and I want to legally change my name!

Of course they laughed at him (everybody did) but eventually they all settled and came around to the situation.

-Ok, so... your current name is.. Β·chucklesΒ· James Fart... I'm sorry, I just...

-I know, everybody has been laughing at my name since as long as I can remember.

After a long and tedious process, everything is ready.

-Very well, sorry for the delays but you know how hard this protocols are. The good news: you are no longer "James Fart", what name do you want instead?

-Charles Fart.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gone11gone11
πŸ“…︎ May 06
🚨︎ report
What starts with β€œo” and ends with β€œnions” and sometimes make you cry?

opinions

πŸ‘︎ 122
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πŸ‘€︎ u/leolannister
πŸ“…︎ May 23
🚨︎ report
*Cries in valentine's day*
πŸ‘︎ 735
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πŸ‘€︎ u/satire_scull
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10
🚨︎ report
What colour is an instruction to cry out in pain?

Yell "ow"

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kishenoy
πŸ“…︎ May 23
🚨︎ report
cries in thirsty
πŸ‘︎ 198
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alaskan_Lost
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13
🚨︎ report
My brother thinks he's the smartest person alive. He thinks onions are the only foods that can make you cry.

So I threw a coconut at him.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27
🚨︎ report
The beginning of the book is so sad that I've just been able to cry for years...

But I think it's time to turn the page.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30
🚨︎ report
Why did the baby cookie cry?

Because his mom had been a wafer so long.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MagicGuy66
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02
🚨︎ report
It's sad that men don't cry:

But it's not enough to make a man cry.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/987654321234567
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when an eskimo cries himself to sleep?

Cryosleep

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WhiteDeath1404
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24
🚨︎ report
Those who cry professionally,

Give a whole new meaning to good mourning.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dr-fuhrer
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
🚨︎ report
How do whales cry?

Blubber blubber blubber

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lancelotlink007
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
🚨︎ report
What candy made the astronaut cry?

Starburst...

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I just sat next to a baby on a 12 hour flight. I had no idea that someone could cry for 12 hours straight.

Even the baby seemed impressed.

πŸ‘︎ 77
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2019
🚨︎ report
If a grape is crushed and nobody is around, does it cry?

No it wines

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BcbornLeo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2019
🚨︎ report
What does a werewolf cry out when shot with a silver bullet?

oh the Ag ony!!

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thattiredbisexual
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2019
🚨︎ report
My 2 year old daughter was having a tantrum. I yelled "I'll give you something to cry about!". She wailed louder.

So I handed her a knife and an onion.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JackFunk
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the cookie cry?

It was feeling crumby.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Where does a duck cry from?

Their tear-ducks

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sidoma-Ken
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the cookie cry?

Because his mother was a wafer so long

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Do you remember when you were a kid and whenever you cried, your parents would say, β€œI’ll give you a reason to cry!?"

I always thought they were going to hit me, not that they were going to destroy the housing market 20 years later.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2018
🚨︎ report
Every October 31st, my dog begins baying loudly a loud, prolonged, mournful cry...

I guess he likes to celebrate Howloween...

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2019
🚨︎ report
My son thinks he’s smart, he said onions are the only food that makes you cry.

So I threw a coconut at his face.

πŸ‘︎ 57
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Leeuwe
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
🚨︎ report
My little brother fell off of a toy ambulance and started to cry then someone makes a pun
πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoshTheTeddy
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I need a shoulder to cry on
πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bbbbra
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2019
🚨︎ report
A lot of people cry when they cut onions

The trick is not to form an emotional bond!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2019
🚨︎ report
what do you call a man who cries when he masturbates?

a Tearjerker

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnwaynedahmer
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2019
🚨︎ report
We attended my sister's boyfriend's funeral at 9 A.M. yesterday, but she didn't seem very upset and didn't cry at all. I asked her why and she said,

She's not really a mourning person.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LadySparta729
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you make Lady Gaga cry?

Poke her face.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/emmyface23
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2019
🚨︎ report
I just dad joked my accounting professor and made her cry from laughing.

Someone asked about extra credit.

Professor: "I'm sorry I don't give extra credit in this class"

Me: "yeah but do you give extra debit?"

πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAugustusCaesar
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2017
🚨︎ report
My friend said that an onion was the only food that could make you cry..

So I threw a coconut at his face.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bazander04
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Stuck in a flood? Don’t cry

You’ll only make it worse

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Andyh10s
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the duck cry after hitting a baseball?

Because it was fowl

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GetOffMyLawn45
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2019
🚨︎ report
What starts with P, ends with S, and makes kids cry when I give it to them?

Presents!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RSTLNE3MCAAV
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do humans cry so much?

Because they are homo sappyens

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/le_petit_nihilist
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Why couldn’t the water cry?

It was all bottled up

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ghstmnky
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2019
🚨︎ report
What bounces and makes kids cry?

My cheque to children in need

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bumsieboy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2018
🚨︎ report
What joke was in your Christmas cracker? Mine was, "Why did the baby cookie cry?"

Because his mother was a wafer so long.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Warmheart_84
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2018
🚨︎ report
Why do people cry when they get a new house?

Because, it's moving.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Qwaga
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2018
🚨︎ report
I didn't cry over my spilled milk, my milk did i.reddituploads.com/67e5c…
πŸ‘︎ 235
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πŸ‘€︎ u/allminionsmustdie
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2017
🚨︎ report
I sat next to baby on a ten hour flight. I had no idea someone could cry for ten hours straight.

Even the baby seemed surprised that I could do it.

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2018
🚨︎ report
I’m going to rename my tears β€œPixar shorts” because it’s the only time I cry.
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/beardwithablog
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2018
🚨︎ report
What is a viewpoint that makes you cry?

An oponion

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoTomArrow
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2017
🚨︎ report
You shouldn’t cry at a funeral for shredded cheese

It had a grate life.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/abeeazy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2017
🚨︎ report
Why did the neat-freak tree cry out when his friend got cut down?

Because he sawdust.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/matttk
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2018
🚨︎ report
Farcry 4 is a far cry from Farcry 1.
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/timeslider
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2016
🚨︎ report
I like to fly up to Alaska every once in a while just to cry my eyes out...

I find it very catharctic.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OK_Compooper
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2017
🚨︎ report
Music born, music cry, music grow, music crawl,
πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CastYourBread
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2015
🚨︎ report
Why don’t you ever see a pirate cry?

When they do, it’s a private tear!

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Swampos
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2016
🚨︎ report
Accidentally made my wife cry with this one

Me- I feel like you don't love me as much any more.

Her- What? Why?

Me- You haven't kissed me nearly as much this year as you did last year.

She laughed and then cried just a bit because she thought I might be serious at first. Now I feel bad.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ILikeMasterChief
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2016
🚨︎ report
My son got us all, and made his little brother cry, at game night.

We were playing a popular table top naval warfare game, and my son proclaimed his next shot, "I-1!"

His little brother, who was already slightly behind, burst into tears, yelling, "What? You can't do that! Mom that's not fair."

It took us all a few seconds to figure out why he was so upset.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KhabaLox
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2015
🚨︎ report
Meet Pete. Pete's a nice guy. But if your birthday isn't happy, Pete will cry.

So have a happy birthday, for Pete's sake.

Birthday card from my dad.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kuroiryu146
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2015
🚨︎ report
I told my dad my son sounds like a goat when he cries.

Response? "He's just a little kid."

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/haileybop
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2015
🚨︎ report
Why did the archaeologist cry at the supermarket?

Because he lost his mummy.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/turbobakis
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2014
🚨︎ report
Why did the cookie cry?

It was feeling crumby.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the cookie cry?

Because his mother was a wafer so long

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Do you remember when you were a kid and whenever you cried, your parents would say, β€œI’ll give you a reason to cry!"

I always thought they were going to hit me, not that they were going to destroy the housing market 20 years later.

πŸ‘︎ 116
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the cookie cry?

It was feeling crumby.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/One_Day_Dead
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the cookie cry?

Because his mom was a wafer so long

πŸ‘︎ 44
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/plzinsertgirder
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2015
🚨︎ report
How do you make Lady Gaga cry?

Poke her face

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/1Upvote_1Respect
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2013
🚨︎ report

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